Those Who Have Eyes to See

This one might provoke a few disagreements, because I’m going to talk about boys - take that to mean between 13 and 18. 

I have gleaned this only from directly talking to boys in that age group when I was in that age group myself. 

“I couldn’t wait to see a pair of tits.” Seems to be a common comment, especially with the wide eyes and sometimes dribbling that went with it…and the laser-like eyes scanning my own meagre ‘bumpage’ as if to do a Superman, and see through my clothes. 

The desire to look is closely followed by the desire to touch. That seems natural enough and totally understandable, but a 16 year old once told me, “It’s not like the pictures they show us. A real vagina seems to be nothing like the picture that is spread open, everything clearly visible, labelled, and definable. It’s a mess down there.” (Apparently he said this to his girlfriend who, in the space of two seconds became his ex girlfriend.) 

When I was 16, I got into what I called (but probably weren’t) ‘more mature’ discussions about sex with boys. Looking back, it was such a laugh. There we were, three girls, four boys, all trying to act very grown up, while the boys were trying hard to hide obvious erections, and we were trying to keep control of our nipples, and becoming ever-more aware of the growing wetness between our legs. 

Conversations centred around fingering a girl, and jacking off a boy. Some boys prefer lube, others don’t. But it was the level of ignorance from the boys that was staggering. “Well, you put two fingers in and finger-fuck her.” Yeah…right. Like many boys, trying to find the clitoris would involve a map, a gps system and a lot of instruction, and even when they found it, they would have no idea just how to touch it. Then again, were we any more knowledgable about the penis…and let’s not ignore the testicles either? Handle with care! Helen heard that boys like their balls squeezed and rolled in the hand just as they’re about to cum. She soon learned that handling them like a pair of Chinese worry balls in a spin dryer wasn’t the way to go!

I remember saying, in all seriousness, “What you should do is watch your girlfriend masturbate. You’ll see exactly how she likes to be touched. All you have to do is watch and learn.” And I meant it. There was a nanosecond of total silence before the boys broke out in simultaneous laughter. “Oh Anna…are you fucking serious? No boy could do that.” 

It seems that the urge to, literally, ‘get stuck in’ is overwhelming in the adolescent boy. “All we want to do is fuck.” Some, I would hope, most, learn better with experience, but I spoke to my friend  Melissa recently. She married awfully young…19…and is, I’m sorry to say, thoroughly miserable in the bedroom department. “He puts it in, bangs me, cums, and that’s that. I lay there, spunk running out of me listening to him snore. We never do anything different, not even in a different room. If we’re away from home I don’t even get that. He thinks sex is for our bedroom and nowhere else.” Has she tried initiating sex herself, or maybe showing him something different? “Oh yes, but I don’t get far enough before he’s at me.” I’ve read here about other women who have suffered this ignominy in their sex lives…whether through ignorance or intent, being used as a vessel for someone to ‘empty into’ ugh…the very thought makes my skin crawl. 

Watching someone you love masturbate isn’t a rejection, it’s an opportunity beyond compare. Even if your girlfriend fingers her clit when you’re fucking her…or your boyfriend handles his balls isnt a sign you’re doing it wrong, if anything it’s a sign of trust. For a start, they’re trusting you with something uniquely intimate. They’re showing you something that developed over time from puberty onwards…something they initially kept secret from everyone, and now, they’re showing you. And yes, there might be a few surprises. 

One male friend who has had this experience said to me, “I had no idea she likes to have her…(almost whispered) bum…touched.” (Enter Miss. Brain. “You mean she likes her arsehole fingered.” (Much blushing) “Er….yeah.” He now incorporates anal stimulation both when he masturbates her and when he goes down on her. Another boy who, as it turned out, quite accidentally missed his target when he tried to push his tongue inside his girlfriend’s vagina, and instead poked it against her bum hole was rewarded by a sharp intake of breath and a very appreciative “Wow! You can keep that in!” 

See? There is much to learn. 

So what about two girls? Any girl knows how a girl wanks off, right? Well of course not. Each girl has a different way of doing it. Some are purely clitoral, others vaginal, some anal, many a combination of all three (like me and Emily…and Alison, come to that). But drill deeper (no, not like that) and just watch me for a while. 

Here, let me take my panties and t shirt off so you can see better. Yes, I know I’m already wet. Can’t help that, now be quiet for a moment and let me get in the zone. Hmmm yes…yes…that’s good. I’m thinking of a particular sexy event…(what a girl fantasises about is another disclosure it’s good to know as well…I’ll come on to that.) Now, see how I’m just draping my right fingertips gently across my left nipple, so lightly, I’m almost missing the skin…I can feel the air as my fingers pass. It make me ache to be touched there, but this little tease is, for me, essential. See how it’s made my nipples stand up? That’s not all it’s done. My clit is pulsing now. I know you can’t see it, but I can feel it, and you can see that there is more wetness than there was. 

So now, I dive in and either start strumming my clit, or hammering my hole, right? Nope…watch. See how I’m taking time to get my hand down there, stroking down my tummy, see how I’m playing with my belly button? That’s a love/hate thing. Some girls adore it…I certainly do…I’m remembering when a boy kissed my belly button and pushed his tongue into it…mmmmm. 

Finally I’m ‘down below’. Yes, I know I’m ignoring everything that interests you, but this is how I like to be touched. Just watch and learn. I’m running my fingers over the wet folds. Some girls hate the feeling of being this wet, others love it. Guess which I am? I like my scent too, that’s why I just smelled my fingers…and licked them. That sweetness….that heavenly scent. Did you notice that now, as I continue to explore my folds, I’m allowing myself the occasional touch on my clit? 

And now, I’m focussed on my little sex bean. If you watched me again, you might find me desperate for a good finger fucking, or maybe a good anal fingering…it varies, you see…different time, different need. No girl masturbates in only one way. There are differences..sometimes obvious ones, sometimes subtle…like now. See how I’m stroking my clit up and down? Well, sometimes, I prefer to rub her from side to side, or circle her. What? How would you know what your girl wants? Oh sweetie, that’s easy, when you’ve got your hand between her legs, try different ways of touching her love button. You’ll see by her reaction which one she wants at that particular time. Yes, I know, we’re complicated things aren’t we? But the secret is to watch her responses to what you’re doing. If it isn’t working, for God’s sake do something different. Wasn’t it Einstein who said, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results”?

Now, between my body and Miss Brain, who all this time has been showing me sexy things, I’m very aroused. Given what I’m thinking about right now, I need to do this. Yes, fingering my bum hole, butthole, arsehole, call it what you will. There are millions of nerve endings there, oh, and when I cum, I want you to watch what happens around my cunt but also my bum hole. 

I’m nearly there….just a little more…ah..here it comes.

There! Did you see? Did you notice how my cunt moved in spasms….and my arsehole too? Like it or not, a bum is an erogenous zone. Men have this thing called a prostate buried inside their bum. I’ve fingered a guy’s prostate before now and apparently it feels sensational - too sensational for some men. I know one guy who thinks that, to use his words, “If I get to enjoy something up my arse, it will mean I’m gay.” Utter rubbish of course. 

What? What was I thinking about? Well, to get a girl to open up about that takes time…and trust. You have to be sure that you are secure in your relationship with her. Me? Well, my partner knows that I fantasise about being fucked by a guy, or several guys..or, way more importantly, another girl. Sometimes we role play being other people when we are having sex with each other. For example, the other night, I’d had a sexy dream about a British actress called Charlotte Richie. Emily and I had amazing sex with me calling her Charlotte, or Charlie. It’s happened the other way round too. Threatening? Good God no! It’s stimulating - exciting. We also do age play both in fantasy when we masturbate and when we’re having sex. 

We both keep a masturbation diary in which we write down what fantasies fantasies we have. We don’t write every single one, just when something new happens. Sometimes, they are ‘normal’, whatever that means, sometimes they’re things we talk about and might decide to do in real life, and other times they’re things we would never do in the real world.

Like what? Hmm…do I trust you that much to tell you somethings that are really dark I wonder? Ok, let’s try a couple…see if you faint, or run screaming from the building. 

My masturbatory fantasies aren’t in my control. If I try to construct a fantasy, it never works. I have to let ‘Miss Brain’, as I call her just to roam free. Sometimes, she gives me the most romantic, sweet fantasies that can actually reduce me to tears, while giving me the most amazing cum, other times they can be violent…like I’m bound to a large X frame, and being whipped to the point of drawing blood.

Yes, I like being whipped in the real world sometimes too….yes, yes, I know you want the dark stuff, well, there’s no way I’m telling you all my darkest fantasies, some are private and only Emily knows them. 

Ok, here’s one. I saw a couple of dogs humping last year. Nothing unusual in that. But that afternoon, I felt the need for a wank. Miss Brain brought the image of those two dogs back, and the urgency and utter abandonment by which the male was fucking the female. I’ve had animal fantasies before, like when I was a mare being covered by a stallion. In that fantasy, I actually was the mare, but in this fantasy, I was on all fours and the dog was fucking me. The real me. I was getting off on the thought of being fucked by a dog. I’d never dream of doing it in real life, but as a masturbatory fantasy, believe me, it worked. 

I have exhibitionist fantasies too…where I’m being watched by a group of people who are all taking notes. Oh, and I have the one where I’m walking out on stage in front of thousands of people, except I’ve forgotten to get dressed and I’m totally naked. There are many, many more. Miss Brain is a never-ending supply of erotica for me. 

So, lastly, when I was 16, I asked a boy I was friendly with if he would show me how he jacks off. I know he was disappointed, because he always liked me and wanted to be with me. I promised him that if he did this for me, I’d do something for him. To help him, I let him look up my skirt, and I took my top off. I think mine were the first boobs he’d ever seen. 

I noticed that it wasn’t just grab it and wank. Now and then he ran his thumb over the top, he also varied both speed and grip a number of times. Now and then he held his balls too. After he’d cum, he admitted that sometimes he likes to touch his bum too. I thought that was very brave to tell me that. During his post-orgasmic phase I asked him what he’d like to do with a girl. I was expecting the usual “I want to fuck…I want to lose my virginity.” Instead, he told me he was actually apprehensive about pushing the most sensitive part of his body “…into the unknown” as he put it. Apparently, there were lots of rumours among the boys about girls, one of which was that vaginas have teeth! Well, what can you expect from Catholic sex ed? Remember, they only got shown a picture of the outside of a vagina, not a cross section. They had no idea what’s inside…but then, had it been left to the nuns, neither would we! 

Anyway, he said the thing he’d like more than anything was a blow job…oral. For a moment I couldn’t follow the logic…he was worried about fucking because he thought a vagina might have teeth, yet he was ok with sticking his clock into something he knew did have teeth! Go figure. 

Well, it had been about forty minutes since he’d wanked for me, and I did promise him something nice….I asked him to take his pants and boxers off completely and I knelt in front of him. Hmm…thinking about that moment, I felt a distinct arousal, but it didn’t come from what I was about to do, well, maybe a little, it was that I was kneeling in front of him…it was one of my early submissive acts.

Taking him into my mouth, I could taste the salty remnants of his previous cum, and truth to tell, I didn’t really know how to give a blow job. I figured that I’d just let him fuck my mouth, so I made my lips soft, and just let him do what felt good. When he pushed in, I sucked, but I noticed he liked to pull all the way out. He was working out what he liked as much as I was figuring out what to do.

He came very quickly, but I noticed that as he shot his cum, he liked to be outside my mouth. Each pulse came from outside, but between pulses he pushed the head of his cock into my mouth. Right at the end, he put his cock back in and I sucked…hard…which made him shiver. I asked why he didn’t put his cock my my mouth when he came and he said, “I don’t know really…I just like seeing my stuff go over your lips and land against your tongue." 

I’m convinced the way to a happy, and above all, varied sex life is honesty, observation, and a genuine willingness to try new things - including different places. I think for almost all of us, our sex lives start in secret, under cover of darkness and duvets, and are hidden away. Certainly as I’ve got a little older, I am finding that my sex life, sexual interests and practices seem to be opening up like a flower blooms. Watch. Listen. Learn…and both you and your partner have heaven at your fingertips.