The Foxhole - A Strange Erotic Bisexual Memoir

Once I was old enough, my parents let me spend afternoons in the nearby woods. It was an undeveloped city park, meaning it was pure, unadulterated forest, with creeks, shady groves, shale cliffs, and even a waterfall. As I grew older, I lost interest, but returned one day shortly after I turned eighteen. There was a small hill in the park that someone had dug a hole into many years before. Perhaps some kids had done it to make a fort. The hole was only about twenty feet in diameter, and four or five feet deep. We called it the foxhole. Remembering my formative years there contemplating the world, pretending I was an army soldier, or was in a hot air balloon, I approached the foxhole fondly, but found it occupied. I was about to quietly leave, but the occupant spotted me, smiled, and waved. The occupant was Larry Barnes. He wasn’t my closest friend, but I knew him fairly well, or maybe I should say I knew of him, and liked him. Larry was my age, somewhat taller than average, and thin. He kept his brown hair short, and was attempting to grow a stringy beard. Larry was an outgoing guy, and one of the ones in school that everyone else wished they were. He was good in sports, and always seemed to have a girlfriend on his arm. It was a warm day, so seeing that he had no shirt on as I approached was no surprise. As I got closer, I realized he had no pants on either. That was a surprise. It took a few seconds for it to register, but I also discovered his penis was sticking up, and rock hard. When the full realization dawned on me, I was what the British call “gobsmacked.” I stumbled on a friend jerking off. Not a friend really, but the coolest guy in school. Crazier than that, he didn’t seem alarmed. I mean, if I had been discovered jerking off, I would have turned red, and died of shame. I didn’t know how to respond, so after a too-long hesitation, I simply said, “Oh, hi Larry!” I was trying to sound bright in my greeting, as if this was somehow an everyday occurrence. I suppose some guys would turn away, maybe even run away, but I was somehow drawn closer to the foxhole. He put his hand, the one that waved to me, back on his penis, and started stroking it. I’m pretty sure that’s what he was doing just before I arrived. He said, “Come on in.” Still shocked, I came to the rim of the hole, then stepped over the edge, and down into the bowl itself, across from Larry, who was standing, or leaning against the far wall, which was at an angle, so he was almost reclining. He continued to wank. The weirdest part was that he didn’t seem concerned that I was there. Not one bit! How does one respond to that? Probably the stupidest response was exactly what I said, “What are you doing?” “Well, you know how I have so many brothers and sisters?” “Yeah.” “Well, I can’t do this at home. They always interrupt. They laugh, they carry on. Basically, they interfere, and it kills the mood. So I come here.” That was interesting. Did he just say he’s tried actually masturbating in front of his brothers and sisters? How weird is that? “You realize this is non-typical?” I asked, as my brain started to reassemble itself. “Maybe so, but I’ve figured out that you need to be bold in this world. Ask for what you want, and go out and get it. My philosophy is if you want to do something, and it isn’t going to hurt anyone, go for it.” I had heard him mention that philosophy before. This was evidently proof he lived by it. “Well, dude, your point is valid,” I offered. “So, don’t you want to wank right now?” “No!” I exclaimed. I think we both knew that wasn’t exactly true. “Suit yourself,” and which point, he looked away from me, gazing down at his hand on his penis, and continued to jerk off. I just stood there, sort of hypnotized. The appropriate thing to do, I figured, would be to politely say, “Goodbye,” and walk away. And yet, I didn’t. I couldn’t. If nothing else, I was rather interested in seeing him ejaculate. Oh, I’ve seen myself do it a million times, but never anyone else. And, I shouldn’t say this, but I was rather attracted to him. I liked his thin, mostly hairless self. Suddenly, I realized his whole crotch region was hairless too. “Hey, is your crotch shaved?” “No, it’s depilated. I use Nair. It’s a chemical that removes hair. I like the hairless look and feel, don’t you?” “Yeah.” Oops, I hadn’t meant to say that. I had never removed my own hair, but the truth was, I had seen some naked hairless men on the Internet, and always thought if I was bolder, I’d try that. But, I didn’t mean to fall into his trap and admit it. ‘Crafty, Larry!’ I was thinking. He continued to wank. I continued to just stand there, partially reclining against the dirt wall of the foxhole. After a minute, Larry said, “It’s OK to join me. No one’s here. We’re in the foxhole at the top of the hill. If anyone comes, we’d see them from a mile away.” Actually, we’d see them from a hundred feet away. The forest was pretty thick. But the fact is, we would see them coming, and we’d have time to cover up or whatever. Why was I thinking that? Because I did want to jerk off, that’s why. I was getting hornier by the minute. “Fuck,” is all I said, as I pulled my shorts down, along with my jockeys, revealing an already hard penis. I was scared, which was silly, because there’s no way we’d be caught. I only caught Larry because he evidently wanted to be caught. I placed my hand on my dick, and started moving it up and down. Having my pants down out here in the woods, feeling a very slight cooling breeze across my butt and my balls on an otherwise warm day, was really quite nice. I was erect in no time. “Nice cock!” I guess it was. It was about the same size as his, but I’m circumcised, where he seemed not to be. “It’s bigger than mine,” he exclaimed. “I think they’re about the same.” “No, yours is bigger. Look,” and with that, he walked across the hole, and leaned on the wall right next to me. This was getting weird. He had stopped stroking, and was holding his dick out with the thumb and index finger of his hand, not exactly stretching it, but holding it out on display for me. I fell into his trap again, but whatever, right? I held mine out, and they did seem to be about the same length. He took a dollar bill out of his pocket, which was in his pants, laying on the rim of the hole. He held it up to his penis, and his penis was about a half-inch longer than the dollar. Next, he leaned down right in front of me, and held it in the same way against my penis. I felt the side of his finger brush against the tip of my dick, and it fell, well, I’ll admit it, it felt rather spectacular. My dick jumped a half-inch at his touch. He pretended not to notice. He pressed his other hand right against the place where my dick meets my body, to get the measurement on the outstretched dollar bill, It didn’t work, because my penis was at a lower angle than his. I guess I wasn’t quite as erect, probably due to the absolute weirdness of the situation. So what did Larry do? He grabbed my dick! He just reach out, and grabbed the tip of my dick in his fingers so he could measure it against the dollar bill. I was shocked, but also felt chills throughout my body. Weirdly, my knees felt weak. This was the first time anyone had ever touched me there. Even doctors didn’t do that. In my annual medical exams, from as far back as I can remember, all the doctors would do is lower my underwear for a split second, take a look, then put the underwear back up. Larry was holding my penis! I was thinking that it was gay, but he was the one doing the holding, so somehow that was OK. Back then, ‘gay’ was a big deal with us. No self-respecting guy wanted to admit he was gay, We all made jokes against the whole gay thing. In retrospect that was crazy, but we all did it because everyone else did it. When he was satisfied with his measurement, he let go, and now, my penis was sticking up at a forty-five degree angle, just like his. Mine turned out to be about a quarter-inch shorter. I felt momentarily bad about that. I prefer to win all competitions, and usually do. If there’s any doubt about winning, I don’t compete. That’s why I’m not on the baseball team. That’s why I don’t play tennis, other than knocking a ball around recreationally with my sister from time to time. Losing the length competition was a momentary thought, because I had become quite caught up in what was happening. I was very horny. By touching me like that, I was just absolutely ready to pop. I didn’t want to cum. It seemed that I’d be the weak one, or the gay one, if I came first. Go figure, right? But the feeling was building. I quit stroking, but it was too late. I squirted cum onto the dirt floor of the foxhole, while Larry watched me intensely with big eyes. Seconds later, he arched his back, and had a good, solid orgasm himself. My cum had squirted out maybe a foot, but his squirted a good two feet. Another unwitting competition lost. But the competition thing wasn’t foremost in my mind. Confusion was my current state. I felt many things at once. I was feeling guilty somehow, like this was ‘gay,’ and at the same time, a great satisfaction from the release. It was one of my stronger orgasms. I continued to feel the cool breeze where the wind never blows, and I was kind of proud that I had matched him in his ‘game.’ We dressed, and walked back to our neighborhood together. We talked about a few things, but not about that. Not at all. Two days later I got a text. “Nair,” was all it said. I texted back, “What?” “Nair.” “Quit fucking with me.” “OK, you wanted to be hairless, right?” “Not really. I just said that.” “Oh?” Before I could think of a good answer, trying and erasing two possibilities, he texted me again. “Barbara is here. Cosmetologist. She wants to depilate you.” Now that put a whole new twist on things. “Who’s Barbara?” “You’ll find out.” ‘Fuck you, Larry, and your fucking games,’ is what I thought. But what I texted back was “Details?” He told me to come over to a certain address in an hour, adding, “Don’t worry, no one will be there except me and Barbara.” It was the longest hour of my life. I was very excited to find out what this Barbara situation was. Who was she? What was she planning to do? What’s a ‘cosmetologist?’ And, was it even for real? What if it was some stupid game? Maybe I’d arrive, and there’d be twenty friends who he told that I jerked off in the foxhole, and they’d laugh at me for the rest of my life. My horniness ruled. I had to find out. Somehow, I was thinking I might even get laid by this Barbara person. Guys my age always had that in the back of their minds. So, starting out slowly, kind of dragging my feet, I rode my bike over there. Half-way to Barbara’s house, I saw I was going to run a few minutes late. The excitement of whatever surprise lay ahead had me pedaling the rest of the way in a hurry. Larry opened the door of Barbara’s house. Her parents were out. Barbara Williams turned out to be one of those way cool girls that only guys like Larry could hang out with. I had seen her in school a million times, but never spoke with her. Oh, wait. I spoke with her just once. Her little brother’s bike wasn’t working right. The chain kept falling off. I fixed that. She was appreciative. No big deal, I was always fixing things for people. I enjoyed that. Barbara, who liked to be “Barbara,” not “Barb,” or “Barbie,” or “Babs,” was blond, built like a cheerleader, thin, but had big boobs. Oh, and she had a very pretty smile. She really lit up when I came in, and I felt honored. Together, seemingly excited, and stepping on each others words, they alternated in laying out the whole situation to me. Barbara wasn’t a cosmetologist, yet. She was going to start in cosmetology school in the fall. I had to ask what that meant, never having heard the term. “Hairdresser,” she explained. She went on to say that they not only do hair, but all forms of beauty care for both women and men. Like hair removal. And she wanted me to be her guinea pig. I guessed, that fucking goofball Larry had spilled the beans. He probably told her about me joining him in a wank in the foxhole, and that I admitted that I liked the hairless look. My face must have turned three shades of red as I realized what he had told her. I needn’t have worried, because she must have known that Larry had wanked also, and somehow that seemed to be alright with her. At least she was still hanging with him. But, he was Larry. Masturbation or not, he was any girl’s dream. “Come on, we only have one hour before her parents get back,” he beckoned. I was super-reluctant for many reasons. First, a girl, a very pretty one at that, and one who was way out of my league, was planning to get really intimate with my crotch. How weird is that? Then, I supposed Larry would be there looking on, and that could only be weirder. Finally, I’d end up hairless. Oh, it was a scenario I had dreamed about. Truth be told, I had even jerked off to visions of myself hairless down there. But the reality would mean I couldn’t use the gym showers or anything where I might be seen naked. On the fourth or fifth hand, wherever my thinking had taken me, I realized I had just graduated. I wouldn’t be in the gym showers any more, ever again. Yeah! College wasn’t going to start for almost two more months, so I’d have plenty of time to grow the hair back in. I didn’t have much time to think it over. They were literally pulling me, Barbara with my right hand, and Larry pulling on my left, into her bathroom. But I finally decided, as weird as this was, it was too good to miss out on. “So, I guess I have to pull my pants down, right?” I asked, sheepishly. “No, you’ve gotta take everything off.” Barbara said. “Why?” “‘Cause this chemical is crazy. We don’t want to get any of it on your clothes.” They were both just staring at me. This was a critical moment, and I wasn’t liking it. I was seriously thinking of getting out of there, right away. “Look, I’ll take my clothes off too, if it will make you feel any better,” Larry said, after I must have hesitated too long. That was oddly comforting. And something more. I wasn’t gay, but I did kind of want to see his pecker again. And his balls too. They were intriguing. And his skinny, tight ass too, for that matter. Still, I hesitated. This was just too weird. Barbara quietly added, “Me too.” Woah, I didn’t see that coming! If she was for real, I was all in! I was just about to say something like, “Alright,” but didn’t have to. Larry had already pulled his T-shirt off, and was pulling his shorts off at that very moment. I was momentarily hypnotized, embarrassingly staring right at him, when I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. Barbara had lifted her T-shirt over her head, and was now standing there in her bra. Before I could fully appreciate that, she turned her bra around as her big, floppy boobs became visible, being covered by only the back of her bra. With the clasps in front, she easily removed it, fully freeing those gorgeous breasts. Now, I had seen breasts before. What American hasn’t? They’re always showing breasts in R movies, on YouTube, and so on. But I never saw any in person! I just wanted to reach right out and touch them. But of course I didn’t. Her breasts were surprisingly white, and without her bra, they took a different shape than I expected. They flopped down against her chest, reaching almost to her stomach. They were still large, but flatter and lower. Then I saw her nipples with the big pink circles around them. I was in love. I no longer needed prompting to pull off my shirt and shorts. My penis was instantly hard and straining at the material. I pulled everything off, with my penis bobbing up as the underwear freed it. Larry said, “There you go, buddy!” Barbara tried to act business as usual, but I saw something I fully didn’t expect. Her hands were shaking! Did I do that to her? What did it mean? Shaking or not, she felt the obligation to finish the job, so she pulled off her shorts. She wasn’t wearing anything underneath. Just that thought alone, would make me want to jerk off on an ordinary day. This was a red-blooded American boy’s best dream. She was depilated, and her vagina was the most attractive thing I had ever seen. The skin was whiter than the rest of her, except her breasts, which were equally untanned. What I actually saw was just a short vertical slit. That was her vagina, but I was in heaven. I was mildly jealous of Larry. He was banging that. I know, crude term, but that’s the way we referred to such things back then. I assumed he was having regular sex with Barbara. He was putting his penis in her body. Oh my god, I could have an orgasm just thinking of that. They wanted to get started right away. On top of everything else that was happening, that freaked me out a little bit. What if her parents came home while I was in the middle of… whatever it was going to be. Barbara had me stand in the bathtub as she applied the goop. It stung a bit, and she let me know that was normal. She had to get the stuff down in between my balls, and so she gently grabbed my sack and pushed it this way and that. I never realized such a simple thing could feel so spectacular. She casually grabbed my hard penis, and manipulated it so she could get the material in place. It seemed to me she held it more than necessary, but I wasn’t complaining. In fact, I was trying desperately to think of math, so I wouldn’t cum right then and there. I could feel the sensation rising. You know the one I mean. Fortunately, she let go in time. She had me turn around, and had me do the very most embarrassing thing in the world. She wanted me to hold my ass cheeks open, so she could get the hair in there. I found that terribly personal. It’s one thing for a girl you’ve never met before, a beautiful girl, to see your penis, it’s another thing for her to see it erect, but it goes to a whole new level for her to look into your ass crack, and see your asshole. Not only that, Larry was looking on like it was a biology lesson that he simply had to memorize. Every detail. I could swear his tongue was almost hanging out. Now, we’re not gay, but I could see how this scene would affect any normal guy, at least a little bit. I understood. But, there was a weird component to this, also. This, I had never experienced before, and was something I fully did not think would ever happen to me, I was enjoying having these people seeing me naked. And naked with a boner, besides, and looking at my asshole! This was really, really special! It gets better. She started applying the goop to my rear. First, all over my butt. Now, I’m not a particularly hairy guy. In fact, quite the opposite. I basically have – had, a tuft of hair above my dick, a slight trail pointing to my belly button, and that’s it. But there was a very light coating of hairs on my butt, and I guess she wanted to get that, too. When she was done coating my whole butt, she wanted me to hold my ass cheeks open again. It was difficult, because the Nair stuff was slippery. When I did, she applied it all in my ass crack, finishing by rubbing some with her gloved fingertip right over my anus itself. I lost it, squirting stream after stream of cum right into her bathtub. And I hadn’t ever touched my dick. I was so totally embarrassed. Larry said, “Cool!” in a very appreciative way. I don’t think Barbara realized what was happening at first, but a moment later she did, and simply said, “Excellent.” I didn’t know exactly what she meant by that, but from their reactions, I realized I didn’t need to be embarrassed. It took me several minutes to calm down. I made a conscious decision to enjoy the moment, weird as it was, realizing that in my whole life, a situation as amazing as this might not ever happen again. She touched up the Nair at the base of my penis, grabbing it again to apply the stuff. I flinched. Suddenly, her touch, instead of being sexually electric, was just electric. I mean, it was hard to bear. Experienced guys know this. When you cum, you’re all done, at least for a while, and any further stimulation is unbearable. We had to wait twenty minutes, which was pretty cool, actually. I was able to really get a good look at Barbara, especially her boobs, which I just couldn’t get enough of. And, strangely, I glanced sideways at Larry more than once, too, appreciating his form. He was still erect. He had been since the beginning. We talked about minor stuff, like Barbara’s cosmetology plans, Larry’s plans to go into computer science, and my plans to take over my father’s mini-empire of three second-hand clothing stores after college. Then the timer dinged. Barbara started the shower water, adjusted it to a comfortably warm temperature, grabbed the wand at the end of the hose, and started washing me off. The stuff worked perfectly! Well almost. There were a few strands of hair left, which she clipped off with scissors and a razor. As she was doing that, guess what happened? Right, I sprang another erection. Unfortunately, I had no use for that erection. We had used up our time. I rinsed off one final time, we all put our clothes back on, and Larry and I went home. The minute I got in my room, I stripped off, admired my new, hairless self in the mirror, and jerked off to my second crashing orgasm of the day. The next day, I got a text from Barbara. “Happy?” “Very!” Even though I was actually of two minds. I was sexually delighted with my new look. However, I was also freaking out. It was very non-standard, and I’ve always been a shy guy. I was imagining having to explain my missing crotch hair to somebody, like an emergency room doctor, or worse, a classmate who saw me naked somehow. I was thinking I couldn’t go skinny dipping. But then again, I had never been invited to go skinny dipping. “Thanks for being my guinea pig.” “Delighted. Glad to do it again, any time.” I figured that was too forward, but hopefully she’d take it as a friendly jest. “Pizza?” “What?” “Dude, take me out to pizza!” The way she said that was weird even though it was just a text. Was she essentially asking me on a date? Impossible. Certainly not me. Maybe she had expected payment for her treatment. I didn’t realize that. But, just being seen in the pizza place with Barbara would be cool. It would bring me points, so to speak. Thinking that way was unusual for me. I usually don’t give a fig about what people think. I just try to live my own life the best way I know how. But Barbara Williams! Besides, I had a few extra bucks. “Sure.” We made arrangements, and met at 6pm. She was all smiles. We talked about this and that. It got quite personal. I told her what I loved and hated about my parents. She did the same. Even though she was sort of like a movie star in my mind, she was surprisingly real. I was surprised to hear that a girl like that could have a mother who drinks too much. I finally came right out and asked the question that had been on my mind. “What about Larry? Is he going to be OK with you hanging with me this evening?” “What do you mean?” “Larry. Your boyfriend. Isn’t he going to be mad at you?” She laughed. I felt stupid. What had I said that was so funny? “I thought you knew.” “Knew what?” “Larry is as gay as the day is long! We’re just friends.” I thought she was joking. I told her I didn’t think so. She laughed again. “Well, maybe I shouldn’t have said that,” she answered. “He does try to keep it under wraps. He thinks if word got out, he’d be ostracized. My theory is that everyone would like him even more. Well, it doesn’t really matter now. School’s over.” I said the first thing that came to mind. “His secret is safe with me.” I could have said a million other things, but that’s what I said. “You know Jerry, you’re a really good duck.” “Thank you. So are you Barbara. I hardly know you, but I can tell.” “It’s a funny thing about boys. Most are total jerks. You’re not.” “OK, thank you again. I guess it comes with being ugly. I can’t get away with being a jerk.” “Dude, what’s wrong with you? You’re as far from ugly as Hawaii is from snow.” I was flattered to hear it, but I didn’t believe it. We ended up just sitting there and talking for hours. We only left because the pizza place closed at 11pm. I sure had a lot to think about the next two days. Then I got another text from Barbara. “Why haven’t you called?” Oops. I had been so sure she didn’t really like me, that the restaurant thing was just a fluke, that I hadn’t wanted to bother her. “Oh, sorry, I guess I just figure you’re out of my class.” “Holy, fuck! You have it so wrong,” she texted back. She called me so we could talk in voice. “Jerry, OK, look. Most of the guys party, get drunk, and even smoke cigarettes. They think it makes them cool. You don’t. That’s because you know better, and don’t worry about what you look like to others. You live your own life on your terms.” I hadn’t thought about it, but she was generally right. I did what I thought was right, not what everyone else thought was right, or what they all expected me to do. Or, at least to a certain degree. Shyness did get in the way of that sometimes. “And, you don’t drink. And, you don’t go to church. You don’t smoke. You don’t say mean things about people. And, there were a million stories about you in high school where you fixed people’s flat tires, offered sensible advice, came to the rescue with your Swiss army knife.” What she said was true. “You’re the kind of guy I’m looking for. Oh, I know I may not be particularly romantic right now, but I don’t want a daredevil. I don’t want a guy who has to show off, drink too much, drive too fast. I wouldn’t want to hang with a guy who would make embarrassing messes that I’d have to fix. I want someone I can absolutely trust.” “OK, look, fuckhead. I want to date you. You, Jeremy J. Watson. Can you handle it?” I could hardly speak. This was Barbara Williams telling me she liked me. Wow! I also realized that Larry had set us up. What a good man. I probably owed him something. I mean, I realized he must have been attracted to me, and yet he was willing to lose out, just to set up his two friends. Well, as I’m sure you figured out, Barbara and I started getting real. Years passed. Larry and I are still good friends. I felt I did owe him, and one day shortly after Barbara and I were married, and when Larry was between boyfriends, I invited him over. We played strip poker, and right there, in front of my lovely wife, I gave Larry a blowjob, which he enjoyed immensely. We had a great evening. After he left, Barbara turned to me saying, “That was so hot!” and then proceeded to give me a blow job similar to what I had done for Larry. Then we fucked. Did you know that intercourse is still possible during pregnancy?