I Like It - But I Shouldn't

It wasn’t long before a theme developed. The friends I was with were describing, one after another, sexual things they had done, really enjoyed, but felt they shouldn’t have enjoyed them and never did them again - even though the thought of those things really turns them on. 

We are complicated creatures, we girls. Of that there can be no doubt. Remember that line in Harry Potter after Harry has kissed Cho Chang? Hermione says, “Well, obviously, she's feeling very sad, because of Cedric dying. Then I expect she's feeling confused because she liked Cedric and now she likes Harry, and she can't work out who she likes best. Then she'll be feeling guilty, thinking it's an insult to Cedric's memory to be kissing Harry at all, and she'll be worrying about what everyone else might say about her if she starts going out with Harry. And she probably can't work out what her feelings toward Harry are anyway, because he was the one who was with Cedric when Cedric died, so that's all very mixed up and painful. Oh, and she's afraid she's going to be thrown off the Ravenclaw Quidditch team because she's been flying so badly.” 

But this thing of hearing one of them saying “he did….and it felt amazing….but it’s so wrong!” The whole notion of ‘wrong’ between consenting adults baffles me I’m afraid. Here are a few things they said. 

Lucy:

“Well, yes, we’d had a bit to drink, I admit, and we were both horny as fuck. I’ve always loved it ‘doggy’….you get real penetration like that….anyway, he was fucking me and it was really good…and I mean really good. Then, I don’t quite know what happened…maybe I moved, maybe he did, but the next thing I knew he was pressing up my arse! Of course I knew…how could I not….but the thing is…I really liked it. Not just the feeling…the physical feeling, but the fact that it’s so wrong! Michael knew as well of course, and said he’d pull out, but I told him to finish up there. I rubbed myself off, but it was the knowledge that he was cumming up my arse that made me cum. We’ve never done it since…I mean, that’s not how you’re supposed to have sex, is it?” 

Amanda. 

I don’t mind sucking Steve off…in fact, truth to tell, I quite like it. His hard cock in my mouth and I adore the taste when he cums. But…well….I’ve never been comfortable about him doing that to me, you know? I guess I’ve always been sensitive about my, um, scent, and I get terribly wet when I’m feeling sexy. But this one time…..it was early on a Sunday morning….I woke up to find him already between my legs kissing me there, and by the time I was fully conscious, I must have been already turned on, I remember really spreading my legs….you know, properly exposing myself to him. I felt myself going to cum, but it was way too late to try and stop. I came….er…in his mouth. When I cum really hard I squirt. Maybe that’s another reason why I don’t like someone down there, but Steve adored it. I can’t trust myself though. There’s a big risk of me peeing, and I’d simply die if that happened. Pity, because I did really like it. 

Sara.

Pete’s been having an affair. I suspected it for a while, but the other day I got proof. In a way, I don’t blame him. Our sex life was…amazing…before the twins arrived. Since then, it’s been pretty ropey really . We used to do it at least every day, and sometimes more than once. Like I said, the twins kinda stopped that. I just didn’t feel sexy anymore. I found reasons not to have sex, or even do anything sexy, like suck him off, or wank him. Anyway, I kinda knew he was getting his sexual needs elsewhere. I couldn’t blame him, but I admit, it did hurt. It gave me a kick up the arse and I decided I’d make an effort…who knows…maybe if I put some effort in, I might feel horny again. So, I decided to surprise him with a blow job. He’s always loved those, and well…..so do I, really. He arrived home, and I just leaped on him. I knelt down, unzipped him and got his cock out. Of course, I knew, even before I’d got it in my mouth. I could smell her on him. To back out now would have been awful, so I just put it in my mouth. Who’d have thought it….I found myself sucking, effectively, another girl, and loving it! I mean really loving it. What started off as a sort of ‘duty’ thing, was actually getting me wet! I even began to masturbate as I sucked him. I found myself seeking out her scent in his pubes, and at one point I thought “I could suck her for real given half a chance.”  That thought…just the thought made me cum in my panties. I mean, I’m definitely not lesbian…not even bisexual…but it was so tempting afterwards to rub myself off imagining sucking her..this mystery girl. For a week or so, I had to physically go and do something else whenever I got the urge. He’s not seeing her anymore, but then our sex life has picked up again. He doesn’t know though that when he licks me out I imagine it’s her….or when I suck him off, I imagine I can smell or taste her on him. I’d love a threesome with her but I’d never suggest it. 

Claire.

Wow! Looks like we’ve all got one-off things that we liked but feel bad about. Mine’s boring compared to yours though. Mainly because I’ve decided to keep indulging in my ‘thing’. (Finally!) So, I’d left it too late and…..no, let me start again. Peter and I watch porn…I guess everyone does….and sometimes there’s, um…pee porn. You know, guys peeing on girls, or the other way around, but there was one vid of a girl who actually asks her boyfriend if she can do it on  him. He agrees on condition that she does it through her panties. I think he hoped that would put her off. It didn’t, but then it was a porn film, not real life. (Oh you’d be surprised sweetie.) So…this one afternoon, I was coming home from work and there had been a problem in the office. No water supply, which meant no restrooms, which meant an early finish. Good news in one way…not good news if, like me, you needed a pee. Anyway, long story short, I didn’t make it home. I had to duck behind a tree in the lane and I didn’t even get my panties down. The thing is, I really enjoyed the feeling. Oh, of course, I heard my mum’s voice yammering on about being clean…never ever having dirty panties, and yet…..so…ever since then, I’ve been doing it on purpose. I did feel guilty, for about ten seconds! (Cue raucous laughter from everyone.) 

Ingrained guilt in sex is interesting. It seems to me that sex starts off being a 100% private thing. You learn to masturbate secretly and in private. You have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and any sexual contact between you is secret…private….but as you grow older, the privacy aspect doesn’t seem so important anymore. Also, the things you do…or want to do.  They change too. Don’t forget, my background was a Convent School education, heavy on sin. Masturbation…sinful. Sex outside marriage…sinful. Sex on birth control….sinful. Anything other than basic missionary position sex….sinful. I don’t think any of us really bought into that though. If it felt good, we did it. Not a single girl I knew believed that our gender was put on earth simply to breed more Catholics, I spread my sexual wings (and my legs) early, and there are few, if any things I wouldn’t try at least once. I can’t imagine I’d ever say “Wow! I fucking loved that…I’ll never do it again.” Especially if it’s disapproved of, or frowned upon. If it’s legal, and between consenting people, I’m up for it. 

I sincerely hope never to be one of those people who, on their deathbed say “I wish I had……” 

The female body is, I think, utilitarian. The hormones that change us into women bring with them our sex drive. For some it’s immense, for others, less so. But when our bodies are no longer capable of having children, those same bodies shut up shop. Ovulation stops, our periods stop, the hormones that provide our sex drive drop, sometimes to negligible levels. (My female side of the family have a history of menopause between 45-50, and not a single woman in my family has any interest in sex unless they’re on HRT.) 

I’m about to be 24. I have around 20 years more of this, unbridled sexual enjoyment ahead of me. You can bet your life I intend to enjoy it. 

Of the older women in my family who aren’t artificially stimulating their sex drives, they tell me that it’s not a case of the body switching off, but the feelings being still there. One told me “Mm…no…I’m just not interested anymore.” 

So no. Not for me. In fact writing this has made me review something. There are a couple of sexual practices that have been suggested to me that I’ve declined. I intend to revisit them and try them. Nothing, from now on, will remain untried.