A Few Things To Clear Up

I DO believe in God, and for a while, I derived great comfort from the Catholic Church as a young girl. Only in my teens when I began to question it did I lose my faith, not in God, but in a church that I now firmly believe interposed itself between humanity and God…and made a fuck-ton of cash in the process. 

We were lied to as well. ‘Unbroken line of the papacy from Peter onwards?’ Seriously? What about those years when the Papacy could be bought? Look I won’t bore you with all my reasons, but the Catholic Church is NOT necessary for a belief in the divine….despite what it would have you believe with ‘Extra ecclesia nulla salus’ (outside the church there is no salvation). I don’t remember Jesus saying that…ever. 

But I did….still do…enjoy the mass and Easter and Christmas services. I enjoy the bells and smells. So yes, I shall be attending midnight mass come Christmas, and I shall be at church on Easter Sunday morning….

Which leads me to the bit you are here for. There is a lot of built-in submissiveness in a Catholic mass. Lots of kneeling. And I am submissive. Kneeling before a priest…..is it so very different from the position adopted in order to give him a blow job? And behind the fancy dress, I suspect many priests have a cock that swells even if only slightly when a group of teenage girls kneels before him, their soft mouths and tongues ready to receive the Eucharist. 

There’s no denying it from my point of view either…..mass makes me horny. I look around the congregation and Miss Brain takes a stroll. See that boy over there? He’s 15. Tell me he didn’t wank one off this morning. And look at that girl….she can’t keep her eyes off him. I bet she’s wetting up nicely. And that couple there. They got married here only two weeks ago. They’re only just back from honeymoon. Tell me they aren’t at it like rabbits. I can just imagine her on all fours being slammed by him…maybe even up her bum…who knows. 

Just over there is the confession box, or ‘reconciliation room’ as they call it these days. Not one single person has ever been in there and told the priest absolutely everything. No. Don’t argue. No-one has been in there and told the lot. Although, me and two friends one Eastertide….we told more than most. We made a pact to confess a week’s worth of sexual activity holding nothing back. 

I find it hilarious that a supposedly celibate man thinks he’s qualified to give couples advice on marriage…or people advice on sex. 

We agreed my friends would go first. The first girl didn’t have a boyfriend at the time, so she was all ‘impure thoughts and deeds, father.’ And you know, they always ask for details. Every time. “I have sexual dreams, Father, and I masturbate, wishing what was in the dream would really happen.” My friend was actually asked  “Have you penetrated yourself, my child?” Bloody cheek. Of course she answered that she had. Next up was my other friend who confessed to having sex - obviously outside marriage - and worse sin of all, using contraception. Of course she had to ask, “Would it be less of a sin if I didn’t use contraception, Father?” 

My turn was also to round things off. Impure thoughts, masturbation, and sex outside marriage….with another girl. And I offered some details too. I heard his voice coarsen and there were gaps before he responded to me. I can’t speak for the priest, of course, but I was soaked through as I knelt there. I have, as you know, a hyper-sensitive nose, bu t I also have a tendency to wishful thinking…especially back then when I was 17. Did I really smell semen? I can’t say for sure that I did….but equally I can’t say for sure that I didn’t either. 

And since this particular priest was a young man in his early 30s, I wouldn’t have blamed him for a second. In fact, I’d go further. If he had been so worked up by the three of us that he’d either spontaneously cum, or rubbed one out, it would have been the healthiest thing he’d done sexually for a very long time. 

Sometimes, I fantasies about a priest having me. I often wonder if there’s a ‘thing’ in the Catholic Church whereby priests are allowed say two fucks a year, and young nuns provide this service? Bishops get four, and cardinals get eight. 

There was a Bishop….I can’t remember where, who got involved with a married woman, and I was really thrilled for him…and her. I could imagine being her….lying there and watching the bishop undress before feeling his cock pushing inside me. I doubt he lasted very long. 

So, yes….I fantasise about priests sometimes, and I would have no difficulty in responding should one ever come on to me. As it is, and until then, I shall allow my infrequent visits to church to stimulate me in the way they always do, and enjoy afterwards what can only be called ‘a bloody good wank.’