for a few long months now, i've been sharing a small apartment with a few friends, one of whom a male i've fancied for over a year. I moved in because the rent's affordable and the location's prime, but certainly living in such close proximity to a terribly attractive fellow didn't dissuade me one bit!
i often wonder if he's going to find this site bookmarked on my computer when he uses it to check his email sometimes. i'm not sure if that would be more embarrassing or exciting. I know he masturbates often, as do i, but I haven't got the nerve to try to initiate anything. I don't want to make the living situation awkward if he's not as interested as I am. he has admitted to me that he is painfully shy with girls, but who am I to make assumptions? I don't try to hide the fact that I masturbate several times a week (sometimes several times a day), but i'm not exactly public about it either. if he really wants to catch me in the act, he definitely can, but I will not ever rub it in his face without being prompted.
it's nice to have someone to fantasize about, after having had a string of failed relationships and very few old memories still to hold fondly. I can't really get off if I don't have someone to think about. and it doesn't hurt that he almost never wears a shirt. I guess that'll start to change as the winter months roll around, but I know his body well enough by now anyway.
and he's such a flirt. always shirtless, always tickling me and tackling me and touching me in any way he can. even now that he has a girlfriend, he shoves me into my bed and tickles me and holds me sometimes for fairly long periods of time. we snuggle on the couch during movies, and are all comfortable enough to walk around in our towels after showers. the tension is unparalleled. you couldn't imagine it. it's not like that first week you're spending time with someone you'll later come to that, where you know the next moment could be the one-it's more than a year of constant flirtation . . . but still no kiss, and not really expecting one to come, just always hoping. half the time I think he doesn't actually like me; he's just the biggest flirt in the world. but when he comes up from behind and grabs my hips and holds my body close to his and breathes against the back of my neck, I forget those doubts. maybe he knows there shouldn't be anything between us, but is kind enough to entertain my fantasies. suspension of disbelief. it's worked so far. it's always images and ideas of him that get me wet and trembling.
i've seen him naked, too, and even aroused. I can imagine exactly what he would feel like pounding into me. I ache for it sometimes.
until that day, though, I can only continue to dream. in addition to day dreams and fantasies, i've had more honest sex dreams about him than i've ever had about anyone else. and he's always such a good lover, and so tender and gentle with me. the first one I had, we were lying around in bed, just talking, not wearing shirts, and he eventually began to massage my back. soon enough, he asked me to take off my bra so he could massage me better. I was hesitant, but he insisted, 'come on, we live together,' and who was I to resist? my breasts were exposed, and he pulled me into him and kissed me deeply. he readjusted us so he was sitting with his back propped against the wall, and I was reclining in his lap. with one arm around me, holding me firmly, he reached the other around to rub my clit. asking nothing in return, and being as sweet as a lover can be, he brought me to a tremendous orgasm and continued to hold me close. that was ealier in our relationship. now, my dreams often include intercourse as well, but I suppose this forum is not the appropriate place to discuss how hard I make him, and how sweaty we get together.
the idea that perhaps he reads this site as well excites me very much. he could read this. he could hope it's me writing about him. he could open the bathroom door when i'm in the shower, and come in quietly, and timidly pull back the curtain just enough for our eyes to lock and silently assure him he's welcome to join me. he could work up the courage to stay in my room next time he's here, instead of leaving at 2am to sleep in his own bed. he could move his hand just a few inches higher next time it's on my leg.
let's hope for some of it to happen in reality before we finish school and part ways.