Addicted To My Masturbation Partner!

"Darling, I know we share something very special and open like no one else when it comes to masturbation and our adventures. It is not common, or dare I say even close to anything else. The level of arousal we cause in each other is beyond compare and completely addicting. I love that we both are so willing to share every detail and allow each other to watch. Thank you so much for your willingness to not only do the things that make us that aroused, but also so graciously share the images of that arousal. :) And I do love the attentiveness you show when you are watching me stroke my cock. As you know it makes me so extremely hard and the orgasms are just incredible. We really are lucky to have found one another. And yes, my cock is absolutely throbbing right now!" That was one of many messages from Gray (not his real name, but a nod to an inside joke) in the prime of our correspondence. We connected on this site, and although I was bombarded with messages from men every time I signed on, there was something about him that intrigued me more than did anyone else. It's partly because we're both natural writers who instinctively knew how to arouse the other through language, and partly because our conversations sometimes transcended sexuality and covered other topics as we discovered common interests and beliefs. I jokingly called him my addiction, but in all seriousness, I believe I was (and still am, after all this time) addicted not merely to the flood of feel-good brain chemicals from the orgasms I shared with him, but also to the sensations of anticipation he inspired. (More on that later.) I always intended to write out our story, so over the past two years, I copied and pasted some of my favorite comments of his, which are sprinkled throughout this story. I was raised in an oppressive fundamentalist Christian home, and by a bizarre twist of fate, I find myself still tied to that home at the age of 32, due to my mother being severely disabled and in need of round the clock care. I stay for the sake of my siblings, but it leaves me struggling with depression and hopelessness. The escapism was probably emotionally unhealthy, but constantly looking forward to hearing from Gray had me feeling happier than I had in years. He was very understanding when I shared my background and said this: "I hope today is better! I just wanted to say if you need someone to unload on, or just discuss things I am here. I think that the scale in our relationship is definitely tipped way towards the happy and pleasurable and can tolerate quite a bit in the other direction if you need it. :)" We enjoyed many mutual orgasms by chat here, and later by emails, which were always incredible. The sense of newness meant that we found great excitement in the simple knowledge that the other was masturbating. Gradually Gray steered the direction toward mutual orgasm denial, which I found immensely enjoyable. Discussing our shared arousal and holding back was just as pleasurable as cumming together. A few highlights: Gray: "Oh you can do whatever you like as long as you don't cum. We got it going on, darling! I love not cumming with you! Me: Haha, I feel the same way, as funny as it might sound to someone who didn't understand our exchanges. Gray: well they just will never understand how wonderful this is Me: But thankfully we both do, which is all that matters." I've always been very empathetic, but hadn't been fully aware that my greatest satisfaction is found in the realization of the pleasure of someone whose company I enjoy. Hence, mutual denial was a perfect fit. We'd egg each other on with the teasing and denial until we couldn't stand it and would cum together. One snowy day, he sent this message while in the grip of the need to release: "The snow seems to have ended and I just got done shoveling the driveway. I was glad for the heavy coat because it was not going from hard to soft, but constantly hard as I was moving around and it was rubbing inside my pants. I even almost came at one point and had to stop and rest on my shovel for a minute. The level of constant arousal is insane. I know I must sound like a complete pervert, but masturbating for you has me on complete overdrive. Even as I sit here and type this my laptop is hovering an inch of my lap teetering on my erect cock. I swear if I didn't have at least a modicum of decency it would be in my hand right now. I still remember how reading that, and dozens of others like it, made me endlessly wet and throbbing! I sadly have a long-term struggle with food addiction as a coping mechanism due to my circumstances. It was so refreshing and freeing that Gray's and my arousing conversations were centered on our sensations and not on the fictional specifics of my body. (My profile picture here at the time was borrowed from a friend, which I soon took down when I realized how silly it was to pretend to be who I was not.) When we learned each other's names and he found the real me on Facebook, he kindly left the topic alone until I confessed a few weeks later. He was more than understanding, which was a great relief. I had started out just showing my face and intently watching him stroke his thick cock as I rubbed my swollen clit off camera. Watching him was exciting and I eventually found the courage to masturbate naked for him, discovering to my delight that I shared his exhibitionist tendencies. The first time he saw my face on camera, he called me beautiful, which was more than charitable. Still, who doesn't like flattery? What really flattered me, though, was what he said about my mind and personality when I expressed embarrassment over my body: "Question? Are you still the same highly aroused woman that I have been talking to all this time? Are you sexually adventurous, well written, great sense of humor, learned in the absurdity of life? Does that body bring both of us untold pleasures? Which by the way, are communicated in wondrous detail!" We concocted many "adventures" to aid in our arousal, just some of which involved me having public orgasms thanks to a small wireless vibrator, masturbating naked outside, having an orgasm on the gynecologist's examination table, and exploring what we both discovered was a mutual fascination with the sexual side of pee desperation and wetting. This was something I had never explored and we had many orgasms brought on by the high levels of arousal we both found from pee desperation. He said: "It is the fear and desperation I really desire! A real frenzy. Thinking you might not make it! Your cock is so hard and dripping just thinking about it!" (He had come up with the idea that his cock was really mine, and my pussy was really his.) :) A few more random comments of his that made me smile, cream my panties or both: -How is my sweet girl and how is my pussy? -You are truly the best masturbation partner that a guy could hope for. ;) -I cannot wait to bury my face between your legs and lick and suck my pussy until you cum. -Well hello there what a wonderful ray of sunshine in a busy day! Eating lunch at my desk, filling in a spreadsheet and last but NEVER least talking to the worlds best masturbation partner.  -It amazes me that we can just talk about it continuously and still not tire of it. I think for both of us it is so freeing to finally have someone we can openly discuss all these feelings. -Hi darling! Just thought I would pop in and say hi. My long and busy weekend is finally coming to an end. I am spent and in bed and of course naked, but in no shape to do anything but sleep. So off I go with thoughts of my creamy pussy in my mind! Sweet dreams! -I hope you know that even when life is swirling by in a crazy manner, your needs and lack of fulfillment are always on my mind :) Gray: Hehe, its ok, I am still here, just surfing stupid shit on the internets and winding down. Me: Haha, dont let me keep you up then! Gray: I promise it is nothing that even made me crack a smile like you do ;) If it isnt my favorite girl  And you are just the BEST distraction! It is so fucking hot when you pee You know I would also be interested in you peeing on me but I realize that may not be in the cards initially." Somehow, the mutual orgasm denial shifted away from our promise that we would only cum together, until we had agreed that Gray was in charge of my orgasms. I found this oddly arousing, even though I am not turned on by extreme or violent dominance. Now that our communication is only rare, he often keeps me orgasm-free for months at a time! A quick sample: Gray: You know that one of the best parts of what we do is never quite being sure.  I love that you fear never cumming again! Me: And its all in your hands I will abide by your decisions, regardless of frustration and desperation.  Gray: That alone is one of the most arousing things you have ever said! Me: And it is all true. I think you controlling my orgasms or lack thereof turns us both on a lot! Gray: Oh there is no doubt it does, but you need to know that makes me lean even further to desperation and denial! Me: Which does scare me but I will not waver!  Gray: You are the BEST! What if I decide I can cum, but you cant? So, here we are in the present day, over two years after first communicating. Fairly early on, we discovered we live an hour and a half apart, and the subject of meeting came up. I wish now that I hadn't let my insecurities hold me back when we were in the prime of our arousal and camaraderie. We had so many plans: The possibility of my first ever orgasm during intercourse (although impossible for 70 percent of women due to the placement of the clitoris). oral, him giving me a G spot orgasm, me giving him a ruined orgasm, further exploration of our pee play and more. I don't have time for a relationship but it's not that I couldn't find a guy to have sex with -- women, no matter how fat or plain, have no problem in that department. But anonymous sex has never held much appeal for me, not for moral reasons but due to safety concerns, STDs, pregnancy and the likelihood that I wouldn't cum anyway. I much prefer the idea of sex with someone I know and like. I also know that sex with a stranger wouldn't boost my mood the way Gray does. I'm not sure what the future holds, but I'm certain of one thing. Gray and I had some memorable times together that helped me through some dark and difficult days, and for that, I will always be grateful to him.