A marriage evolves, from getting her comfortable with masturbation to opening up the possibility of swinging and both of them maybe getting some cock outside the marriage and ending up with the him learning a new, explosive way to masturbate.
My wife and I are both 60. We married when we were 40, second times for each. Over the past 20 years, we’ve come a long way in our sexual relationship, which has evolved quite a bit.We have known each other almost 50 years, dated in junior high and high school, no sex but some petting and a strong attraction to each other. But we went to different colleges -- and although we did visit several times during college to (finally) have sex (it was straight missionary position intercourse; it’s all she wanted to even consider at the time) -- we never really developed the idea that it was long term. But when we met back up more than 20 years later, the attraction was still there, and we both had grown into people the two of us liked very much. We click on every level and are very happy.When we got back together, her idea of sex was still very vanilla. She could orgasm only under certain conditions, and was repressed and shy to talk about it. She didn’t like fooling around unless it meant stripping down and going to bed for a full-blown session. I now know that’s because she would easily get frustrated if she got turned on but couldn’t orgasm, which wasn’t going to happen if I simply reached under her skirt to pet the kitty, or some other playful flirtation. There would be no orgasms for her on the couch or in the car, just because it didn’t meet her physical needs for stimulation.When we were in the flirtatious stage as we were getting back together, living in different cities, I brought up masturbation, and she wistfully confided that she wished she could masturbate, but wasn’t able to get herself off. Toys basically were out of the question, simply because of her sexual repression. She wasn’t opposed to them and thought it was great that other people used and liked them, but she just couldn’t do it.She also confided that basically the only way for her to orgasm during sex was to be on top of a guy whose cock hit a magical spot – I assumed her g-spot, although actual later experience with her calls that into question. I now think it was because she needed to control precisely how her clit rubbed up against a cock that provided a full vaginal experience.She also told me she had never gotten off by receiving oral sex, and all it did was frustrate her because it excited but never got her even close to orgasm. I found this concerning, because I give excellent cunnilingus, and considered it an essential part of my repertoire. I don’t intend to brag but it’s true that any woman I’ve ever gone down on has always shown back up for more. To spare you the drama of wondering how that worked out, she now loves me to suck her clit, and it never fails to deliver a mind-blowing orgasm for her.So it all started out good and stayed good, but now it has become excellent!Fucking her has always been great. Her vagina is tight, and she will let me fuck her any way I want. She certainly never had issues with me masturbating all I wanted, either alone or with her. I have always needed both sex and masturbation to be satisfied. One without the other is not enough. I was the sexual extrovert in the relationship, and she would go along with anything I wanted. Luckily, the things I don’t want to do (anal, for example) are the only lines that she wouldn’t want to cross with me.She’s a very curious, intelligent woman interested in keeping up with the times. She began to realize her sexual attitudes really were retro, and not in the good way. She was feeling the sexual repression that she had never faced up to. So she did what any intellectual would do, she started studying. She devours books of all kinds, and so she started reading about sex. Podcasts and the internet, she started doing research. I’m sure it’s no accident this occurred as her libido started ramping up as she approached 50. Her physical longings were catching up with her mental and emotional needs.One of the first effects was that she asked me to help find her a vibrator. This was very exciting! I didn’t mind being the only one of us who masturbated but thinking about a woman masturbating in private is a huge turn on. The first thing we tried was for me to drag out a Hitachi wand left over from my earlier life. This did not fill the bill; all the buzzing of her clit with nothing inside didn’t do it. Adding a dildo didn’t help. She didn’t want to use two hands and the buzz on her clit was not right.So that didn’t work, but I’ll come back to the Hitachi later.I told her that I’d never met a woman who didn’t love a rabbit vibrator. When I explained the concept, she was immediately intrigued. Getting her clit attended to while her pussy was filled with a pulsating fulness seemed ideal. She wasn’t too particular about the shape and look of the vibe, because she knew she wouldn’t be looking at while masturbating, but the ones that looked like cocks or stylized rabbits were a little too funny to be turn ons. So we settled on a Lelo model that was more contemporary in design.As would be expected, it took her some time to learn how to use it, everything from her mindset to the right settings. She had never masturbated before, which means unlike most of us on ST, she couldn’t just flip her own switch to “masturbate” mode. She had to get comfortable with the idea of even having a sex toy.At first, she had to go into the other bedroom to practice with it alone. I fully understood this. Even though I had masturbated in front of and onto her many times, I was never more comfortable doing it than when I was alone.She worked up to masturbating with me in bed with her. At first, I needed to stay still and quiet, no touching, but she gradually loosened up to where we now include the vibe in all kinds of sex play. As one might imagine, she has gained more confidence and satisfaction in life now that she can determine when she cums.Her exploration into sexuality resulted in much more than getting a vibrator. She has become extremely open minded, understanding that everybody is different and that nobody has to justify what gets them hot. She understands it is natural for spouses to desire others, and we even have agreed that if either of us wants to interact sexually with someone else, then so long as we talk about and don’t be secretive, the permission is there.Wow. The weekend she brought that up was exciting. The very thought of being free to have intimate contact with others made us both so hot that the idea of actually doing it rapidly seemed superfluous. We even considered swinging, going so far as to create a profile on a swinger site, exchanging messages with other couples, and skyping (once) with a guy where we all masturbated. The swinger lifestyle is still alluring, but we figured out that the effort to find an excellent fit with another couple was a lot of work, and a compromise on perfection would be necessary. In the meantime, the excitement of it all continued to fuel our sex life. Nothing has been ruled out in the 8-10 years we’ve adopted this open stance. But it has worked out to be more liberating within our relationship than it has been expansive of who we have sex with.She is very comfortable with me liking hard, ejaculating penises. She would be ok with me exploring that side without her. In reality, to this point, it has been more of a fantasy than reality, but from time to time I consider going through with it. My wife’s research helped me understand my feelings about bisexuality. She says I am bisexual/hetero-amorous. That means I want sex with anyone I find attractive, but can only fall in love with women. I don't want to kiss or cuddle with guys but I'd love to suck their cocks. Realizing this truth helped me navigate my feelings much better. My ultimate fantasy is a guy with a great cock who wants to fuck her and wants me to suck his cock. And adding in another woman would be a great bonus!Back to that Hitachi wand I mentioned above. When I was younger, vibrators on my cock really didn’t do anything for me. If I buzzed my cock, it immediately wanted to thrust into something – a hand, a sleeve, a vagina, a mouth. But getting it out for my wife made me try it again. This time it was different. But it took a little time to work out how to cum with the Hitachi.I’ll spare you the trials and errors and go straight to how I can now give myself explosive orgasms with the wand. It starts with finding a comfortable but firm surface. I figured out the back of a love seat we have is perfect. To avoid staining the furniture, I lay down a towel.Next is to lube my cock with an appropriate lube. The amount I use is important – too much and I can’t feel the vibrator very well, too little and the magic isn’t there. Once I get enough arousal, I put on an ultra-thin condom. Then I simply put the Hitachi on high and press it straight down on the head of my cock. The back of the love seat allows me to get the right amount of pressure on my cock. The condom mediates the vibration, and with the lube provides an almost perfect amount of stimulation, rapidly building toward an orgasm. I can then control how fast or slow I want to go before I ejaculate.I do frequently want stronger vibrations. Even with a great orgasm, I sometimes have a sense that I’m leaving a higher level of intensity on the table. So I’ve been researching higher powered vibrators and believe I have found the right one, which I think I’ll go ahead an order today.
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