A Different Kind of ST Story

I'm feeling moved to write about what I come to SoloTouch for and how it makes me feel to connect and express about my sexuality here. Like everyone, sometimes I come here to read stories or look at pictures and masturbate. But mainly I come, as I have for some ten years, to connect with other people's sexuality and my own. It makes me feel good to know that other people have sexual thoughts, feelings, even quirkiness and kinkiness that resembles my own. When I write and submit a story and get feedback from people who related to it, I love the feeling of being understood and accepted. When I share something in an email with another member and get a reply, I feel a deeper connection than I do almost anywhere else in my life. I can't exactly talk about this stuff in my social group! For hours after, I feel lighter inside, and happier. Is that crazy? Just me? I grew up with a lot of hangups and shame about sex, and a very strong sexual curiosity and drive. Lot of masturbation, lot of fantasy. I didn't understand or know much girls and wish I'd had a sister. (Maybe I would have learned TOO much, but I would make that trade.) I felt a bit odd and apart from others, and that brought a desire to connect, to understand, to be known and understood and accepted. That's why I read and write stories here. Some stories I keep coming back to, like Jennifer Barnes' spanking stories. It's not about the spanking, which I don't desire for myself or anyone else. It's deeper than that. Jennifer lets me see inside her sexual thoughts and feelings, her quirkiness, and I want to know that, especially about girls. Feelings build up in me from knowing what she is seeing and thinking and feeling and craving, from identifying with her. I masturbate with the feeling of being that intimately connected with another person. I love knowing that she wants to be watched getting hers and that she is excited about seeing Jack getting his; that she wonders if he will have an erection and tries really hard to get a good view of it. That she rushes up to her room afterwards and can't wait to take off her pants and panties and masturbate with the image of Jack's erect penis and bare, pink bottom running through her mind. I like thinking that she knows his erection means he is turned on by it, just like the wetness and tingling in her pussy and the desire to repeat that experience and to masturbate over it again and again. Some days I come to my computer and log in too many times looking for a response to an email, to re-read a story that is holding onto me, or to look at one of my favorite pictures. Some days I feel the need to beat off just so I can get it out of my mind and focus on other things. A few times over the years I have canceled my account thinking I would never come back. But I come back. There is something here that I need, that fills me. Expressing myself and connecting with others makes me feel freer, lighter, and sexually alive. If it is anything like this for you, I would love to hear.