As the mother of two young teens I thought I would share my story regarding recent events with my own kids and how my husband and I handled it. It would also be nice to get some feedback on what other parents think about our solution.
I have two teenage children, a girl 16, and a boy 14. They are great, healthy, good kids who are doing well in school and are just a joy to have. Lately though they seem to have become very sexually curious from what I can gather. Each is now frequently complaining that the other is barging in their room, barging in the bathroom, not respecting the others privacy etc. Each one thinks that the other is trying to catch peeks of them naked or somewhat undressed. They have been frequently complaining to me about the others behavior. Having tried reinforcing boundaries for them and talks about this subject I finally decided to try something different and see if it would work. I had a talk with my husband and he reluctantly agreed with my strategy, half laughing at the same time, but also thought it was an interesting approach.
I didnt get any complaints from the kids for several weeks and began thinking maybe this behavior had reached its own end. Then suprisingly the complaints and whining about the lack of respect for privacy, walking in rooms unannounced, peeking in the bathroom, etc started again. This time I sat my kids down and had the following talk with them: I started by saying that I was getting tired of the constant complaints, as was their father. I also said that it is obvious that each of you is wanting to see the other naked or somewhat naked or there wouldn't be all this sneaky goings on. Then I said that its normal to be curious at your ages and its also normal to want to explore the opposite sex, and I am sure the hormones are raging for both you. I'm guessing that you both are dying to see the other naked or whatever and are probably masturbating as well, and that all of this is normal behavior at your ages. The looks on their faces at this point were priceless. Then I went so far as to suggest that maybe they stop the teasing and feeble attempts at catching the other naked and just go in their rooms, get naked, and look at each other, do some exploring, and get it over with. If you want to masturbate with each other that's ok but I dont want things to progress beyond that for any reason. It's obvious you two are dying to see each other and I've talked it over with your father, and we both have agreed on this solution. I told them they need to respect each other while they are naked and both need to agree on this and be comfortable with it. I also said I didnt want to hear any more complaints about the other trying to get looks or peeks and that I am leaving this up to them to decide if this just stops or you take my suggestion. Needless to say they walked away from our talk with the most stunned looks on their faces.
In the ensuing weeks I didnt hear any more complaints from either of them. Not knowing what was going on, if anything, I decided to ask each of them what if anything they decided. In approaching my daughter first I could tell by the way she responded that something had taken place. She was not so quick to deny anything and so I sort of new they must have done something. She was embarrassed but did admit they they took my suggestion and got naked together. I said that that was ok and as long as things are comfortable between the two of you, then I'm glad you've worked it out. I didn't ask if they were masturbating together at all but I was really dying to know. Later, when talking to my son, he basically admitted the same thing.
I did ask them how frequently they were doing their naked episodes and both just said that they check each other out now from time to time. Admittedly yes, I would love to know if my cute kids are masturbating together and would even love to see them doing it together, but I don't think we would ever progress that far, nor would our kids ever want to. We think this is one healthy way for them to explore their sexuality together in a safe enviroment.
So there you have it parents. I am sure there will be some comments on my husband and I's solution, and they would be welcomed. It would be interesting to know if other parents come up against this issue with their teens and how they've handled it.
I will admit that my husband and I are also active masturbators, and enjoy a great sex life with masturbation included. We did not approach this from a family nudity thing as others have in some situations. My husband and I didn't feel comfortable being naked around our kids and so didn't move in that direction. We would love to know what other parents think and hope that some of you will let us know....