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My Guilt

Posted by: Author: Age: 37 Posted on: 0 comments
1 likes 934 views Category: Masturbation Female-Male Tags:


I would like to start by confessing guilt I have been feeling due to some of my actions recently. I am a 37 year old woman who has been happily married for 12 years with two beautiful kids. I have a very caring and supporting husband which only adds to this guilt and makes it very hard for me to talk about, but it is something that I feel I must share with someone to ease the burden.

It all began when we moved out of the city and into the outer suburbs to a more affordable home. We have one family car which we all use to get ourselves to work, and school for the kids. Shortly before moving my husband got a new job in the opposite direction from the city (where I work..) Which inevitably meant that I would need to catch public transport at some point. About a month into the move, I started catching the train into work, which I soon found wasn't much fun due to the sheer volume of people that commute on them. Impossible to get a seat, with everyone squished together. It literally made my legs ache to stand for 45 mins each day, but for the meantime it was getting me there without breaking the budget.

The first week went by fine, then the routine started to kick in and I began to be more aware of my surroundings during the train ride. It was around then that I started to feel watched or stared at by people. In no way do I consider myself as an object of desire, I am just a working mom that jogs regularly to keep in shape. At times I could follow where their eyes were glued on, and usually they were on my boobs or my bottom, and as I mentioned earlier I don't have the perfect figure. I am only a C in bra size and my hips are a little wide which perks my bum up, nothing special. I could deal with the stares pretty well, occasionally you will get the odd weirdo who looks a little longer than he should which is uncomfortable... in which case I would just move carriage. This is where things began to tumble down hill for me... moving house and changing routines really took its toll on the whole family, particularly between me and my husband. The communication just wasn't there, and we were just too tired a lot of the time and sadly as a result, our sex life had stopped abruptly. Around a month went by with no sexual activity.. and I started to get the aches and tingles down there, which made me quite anxious during the day. The thought of masturbating often crossed my mind but was quickly pushed aside with the distractions of work.

On one particular morning, I was standing as per usual, however at one of the stations it had more people getting on than there would normally be. When they boarded I got squished towards the back with one person wedged behind me. I apologised for barging him as everyone boarded and saw that he was only a young man. As people up front moved around, it squished the room further toward the back where I was, so that everyone was pressed against one another. It was hard to move and get comfortable to say the least, and after a short while I could feel something firm against my upper leg. To my shock I discovered it was the young man gaining an erection in his trousers. The constant swaying of the train must have made us bump together and stimulated him.

I froze. I didn't know what to do, I know this is normal behaviour with growing men and I couldn't bare to make a scene to embarrass him. The swaying and bumping continued for a few stops, then I felt him move so that he could position himself directly behind me. By this point the train had gained in numbers which caused me and the young man to get pinned against the narrow part of the back wall. My heart began pounding as I had a feeling of what was to follow. I made an attempt to turn, but we were too tighly pressed together, and when I tried to turn, he moved with me. As the train continued on, the carriage occasionally shook as it went over old tracks, this only made his erection grow upward and stiffen.

As I remained in my spot stunned, it didn't take him much adjusting until he was able to guide his erection between my bum. I made one last attempt to put a space between us, but we were simply too squished. My mind was racing with so many thoughts, and what followed caught me off guard. I started to feel the throb between my legs. I vividly recall asking myself 'Is this actually happening right now?.. and why am I throbbing down there?.. could I be enjoying this?' As I was collecting my thoughts I started to feel him push into me slightly harder than before, periodically rocking his hips in order to slide it up and down between my bum. He continued doing this slowly and rythymically, and eventually my jaw slackened as I felt the full length of his erection sliding upwards... there was no doubt that it was substantially larger than my husbands, which came as a surprise to me because of his age.

It was at this point where I stopped leaning away from him and let it happen. I discreetly began wiggling my bottom and moving in sync with his grinding. I parted my stance a little so he could have easier access, but before long my stop came up and I peeled myself off of his crotch and hurried off the train not looking back. I was visibly flustered while I walked from the station to my work so I decided it may be a good idea to freshen up in the girls room before starting the day. Once I was inside the cubicle I immediately gripped my puss to relieve the throbbing, letting out a deep breath as I did. To my surprise there was quite a lot of heat bewteen my legs so I undid my pants, and as I peeled down my panties to check, a clearish, misty liquid oozed out clinging onto my panties like a string. I was soaked... I have never been that wet before, not even with my husband. In light of this I dug my finger into my puss and began to masturbate, but I was forced to stop as some co workers entered the room. For the remainder of that day I couldn't stop thinking about what occurred on the train, and wondering how the young man's erection would have felt inside of me, filling me in the way my husbands penis has not.

During the ride home I could feel that my panties had dried and stiffened like cardboard... and for weeks I can remember myself looking for the man from that day, but I never saw him again. After going through all that I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let myself get into a predicament like that again, and managed to find seating whenever possible while getting the trains. Summer wasn't far away and I can remember it getting hotter by the day and hence my wardrobe changed from business jackets and pants to dresses and skirts.

One afternoon after a long day at work I was sitting across from a gentleman who I would say would have been in his early to mid 40's. I was reading a book that day and without me knowing it, my dress had ridden up, making my upper thighs and panties visable to the man across from me and he was staring right between my legs. I'm unsure how long it was like this for, and I struggled to adjust my dress to fix it. However, the dress I was wearing was cut above the knees which I soon realized.. meaning it was impossible to adjust... so I had no choice but to cross my legs which still gave a clear view of me. The man had a newspaper in his hands which he placed on his lap, the dead give away that he had an erection. He started to write something on the paper he was reading, and for a while I assumed he had stopped gazing to resume a crossword or something. But he began lightly tapping the paper.

I ignored it at first but it got too annoying so I eventually looked and saw he wasn't tapping, but rather pointing to something he wrote. It was difficult to read and when I worked it out, I was gobsmacked... the note said something to the effect of 'Is it okay if I look under your dress?' I was utterly disgusted and annoyed at first and I looked around and was prepared to get up, and out of the corner of my eye I saw his face. He looked as if he had had a hard life, and for some reason I felt sorry for him. I eventually calmed down and thought about things for a minute before looking out of the window and slowly parted my legs for him to look. As the carriage emptied, I pulled my dress up a bit further, bringing my panties into full view, and as I sat there I could feel the wetness gathering. When I was preparing to depart the train I straightened up my dress and he asked me in a rather shaky voice if he could have my panties. I hesitated for a moment and uttered something stupid like 'Ummmmmm....' Nervously I glanced around the carriage to check that it was clear, then I quickly reached up my dress and peeled my panties down. I caught a glimpse of the inside of my panties before leaving them on the seat, they were a mess. He pushed them into his bag and I left the train with haste.

On the walk home, I can remember feeling the wind blowing under my dress, and how cold it felt hitting the thick liquid still on my puss and inner thighs. When I arrived home, I was alone... and I think the magnitude of what I had been doing hit me really hard, tears just started running down my face. I have never done anything like this since, I really love my husband with all my heart and I would hate myself if I ruined it this way. My family really means everything to me... and for some reason I allowed myself to give in to these two people, and what scares me the most is how much I was enjoying it. I still worry that someday it might re-occur but my control since these incidents has been great.

I really needed to get this off my chest for someone to hear, because I cannot tell anyone that is close to me in my life.. I would really appreciate some comments or perhaps stories from people who have been in similar situations.



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