True story, happened many years ago.
It was time to give a sample.
Several weeks prior, I had a vasectomy. My wife and I decided that two kids were enough and that one of us should be permanently sterilized. Although tubal ligation and vasectomy are both safe surgical procedures, the former is much less invasive and, thus, less risky. For those men who are considering it, I'd have to say the procedure is not too bad. Recovery time is relatively short.
Anyway, several weeks afterwards, you must submit a semen sample to ensure the absence of sperm cells and thus full sterility. From then on, you know you're 'shooting blanks' and you don't have to use any other form of birth control. For me, this meant fucking my wife without having to don a condom.
I decided to come home during my lunch hour to 'collect' the sample. The lab was on the way back to work, so dropping it off was fairly convenient. Going directly to the hospital and jacking off in a restroom stall to dribble cum into a specimen cup just didn't appeal to me for some reason. Perhaps, it was the sense that there would be in the restroom no total privacy during such an intimate act.
My wife met me at the door and I told her of my plan. Reasonable, she said. I went upstairs to the bedroom and took the specimen cup out of its wrapper. It was about the size of a small coffee cup, not a big target, but wide enough so that you didn't have to worry about a miss.
I dropped my pants and started to stroke my cock. Although this was for medical reasons, I thought I'd at least try to get some pleasure out of my efforts. I pumped slowly, pausing sometimes to knead my cock head or run a fingertip lightly up and down my shaft. I could have made myself cum relatively quickly, but I felt an urge to prolong this as much as possible. Maybe if I'm extra horny, I thought, I can give a larger and better sample for analysis.
'Anything I can do for you,' my wife asked behind me. She had been watching me all along.
'Yes,' I replied as I turned towards her.
I had a sudden thought that perhaps she would get down on her knees and take my cock into her mouth. If I held the cup close to her head, then it would be so easy to catch the semen when the time came.
Maybe it was the lecherous look I had, or maybe she could truly read my mind, but she warned sternly, 'No. No oral this time. But, here, I'll help you.'
She walked to within a couple feet of me and raised her t-shirt and lifted her bra over her tits. Her DD-cup breasts were gorgeous and still radiated a voluptuous post-pregnancy plumpness. She reached down and unzipped her pants, pulling them and her panties down to her knees.
'Go ahead. Touch them. I'll hold the cup for you.'
With one hand, I resumed my stroking. With the other, I reached out and squeezed her tit and playfully pinched her nipple. I kneaded her tits for several moments while I ran my eyes up and down her body, remembering on our first date how amazed I was at the size of her tits, remembering nervously cupping her breasts through her blouse when we first necked in her apartment, remembering cumming on her tits when we 'imitated' a porn movie money shot.
I lowered my fingers to her cunt, taking a moment to find her clit. I rolled this wet little protuberance back and forth on my finger for a couple of minutes. She began to have that stare of sexual arousal. Her breathing was deep, slow, and steady. Her face was flushed. She is ordinarily a sweet and innocent girl, but when she is in this state she will say and do things that would embarrass a sailor. Too bad, I thought ruefully, that I can't turn her around, bend her over, ram her, and let her slick cunt take over from my hand.
'Is it working? You going to cum, honey?'
'Yeah, it is. It's close. Give me the cup.'
I took it and carefully aimed my cock. I stroked faster and harder, while getting one more view of my wife's tits and snatch. I groaned softly as I dumped several loads of white cum.
After I squeezed out the last few drops, I raised the specimen cup to see how much semen I was able to collect. It was about 10 to 15 CCs.
'That looks like enough,' she said, 'hope we can have sex now without protection.'
'Yeah, let's cross our fingers.'
We dressed quickly. And after kissing my wife goodbye, I was off to the lab.
A few days later, the results indicated a successful sterilization. And now my wife and I were free to screw 'au naturel.' Of all the lab tests and shots I've had to endure, this was by far the most enjoyable.
And men, if you do undergo a vasectomy and have to give a post-procedure sample, ask your wife or girlfriend for some 'help.' For what you've gone through, it's the least she can do in return.