Trying To Explore My Bicurious Side/ Seeking Advice

So this is part story, part mild plea for help and or advice from a community that has a better understanding and knowledge about my personal quandary.

          A little introduction though and here we go (I'm sorry for the dump but it gives understanding).  I had always been curious about interacting sexually with another guy for a long while, not in a lusty way like some women of my past have gotten me but definitely wondering if I would enjoy playing with another guy and how it may affect me.  Why it may affect me you may ask? It's just some dudes swapping some friendly loads right, and you wouldn't be wrong.  But I live/grew up in a very close-minded, conservative Christian, anti-anything different from the norm, middle of nowhere Iowa.  So just the action of trying to talk about something as voodoo as that immediately put you in a shun pocket in these small communities. 

            So to my surprise, the summer after graduation I ran into someone I had graduated with and spent the day together hanging out walking around town, talking about life theories and the struggles of living in small-town America.  It turned out we had a lot more in common than we ever knew going to school together all those years but school politics kept us apart from each other in its own way.  One thing led to another and we were walking late into the night near the baseball field smoking cigarettes when we started talking about the very limited sexual experiences we had had at that point.  I pulled a joint out and proposed to smoke it in the dugout. He had never smoked but was blown away and excited about the idea of smoking, being a newbie, for the first time.  And that in itself was a fun 20 minutes watching him struggle to smoke a little grass and not lose a lung on the floor. 

After we smoked that and the buzz had settled in ok,  he gave a big exhale and said, "Man I haven't felt this good since the day I found out what jerking off was."  I laughed and we swapped stories about that stuff. After talking about this chick he used to fawn over and how badly he wanted to get his opportunity at his great white buffalo he stopped and looked at me all glossy-eyed and said to me, "Hey man is this shit supposed to make you horny because I'm hard as shit right now?" I snickered and said, "Yeah, kinda sometimes when it's getting you good and it lights up your senses just right, yeah it can make you all horned and makes beating your dick feel really good if you do it at peak buzz."  

            He said, "Really, but it's going to wear off before I get home isn't it?" I told him yeah but the curious side of me (which was trying to mask my own hard on)  decided I'd see how he felt about things and I told him, "Ya know if you wanna just take care of yourself now, I wouldn't judge and I think it'd be totally worth it to enjoy the sensation."  I think he was just waiting for some kind of invitation because he said ya and I nodded and he slowly undid the front of his baggy jeans and let them fall to the ground, his boxers not doing a great job and trying to hide what was behind them.  He asked one last time are you sure and told him oh ya man go for it. 

He sat down on the bench and pulled the most beautiful cock I had seen to this day. It wasn't huge but it was big and girthy and veiny. His shaft and head pushed out a few inches past his hand.  It took no time and he was fully erect. I fidgeted with my crotch and without missing the cue he said you can go for it ya know and I didn't wait; I dropped my pants and without thinking sat down next to him hastily pulling my boxers down. 

I couldn't believe my luck; I was finally getting the opportunity to experience something sexual with another guy.  I was very hard and was stocking my 6 inches very slowly as to not spoil the moment watching him work himself.  I got brave and when he took his hand off his dick to spit in his hand I asked, "Hey umm..... do you think I could kind touch your dick just a little bit? It's just that you have such a thick dick and I'm curious how that feels."   

For the first time since he started he stopped and got a serious look on his face.  After what felt like an eternity, feeling my heartbeat through my raging dick, he said, "Yeah, ok, but you can only hold it; don't stroke it or nothing. I'm not like that."  I wasn't one to haggle any and took the offer and put my right hand around his shaft right below the head and held it for a few seconds and it felt so good.  He felt as hard as oak and it was so hot and rigid and the longer I left my hand on it the more I swear it swelled up.

Once he said alright and brushed my hand off his dick I watched him stroke for like 2 heartbeats before I went back to myself and I was oozing so much precum I knew I wasn't going to last.   And I didn't fight that. I threw in the towel and went to work on myself and in less than a minute, while watching him do the same, I announced I was going to cum and shot by far one of the strongest orgasms of my life. I shot 6 times and it launched away from me and pushed 3 more big runs of cum down my fat head and hand.  I heard him grunt and looked up in time to see him blast what looked like a cum fountain for a couple of seconds all over his boxers, shirt, hand, bench and my right arm.  It blew me away I had never watched another dude put a load off let alone one so big.  After a few minutes of heavy breathing and gathering ourselves, we put our pants back on and agreed that we wouldn't talk about our little experience to anyone because of fear of small-town social repercussions.  I had 2 more run ins with him but when college came around he disappeared and I've never seen him again. I looked him up on Facebook and he's married now with kids and a business.

Here is the part where I thank everyone who read this far and ask for some advice.  As a 34-year-old mildly heartbroken, bi-curious man who lives in this same small area, how do I find someone that I can safely explore this side of myself with complete discretion?  I want to jerk someone off to completion. I want to see how far I'd be willing to go but I am nervous about: 1. Social repercussions if people I know and love find out and cast me out for just looking into a curiosity.  And 2.  Every online outlet I go into and ask this question I get approached by guys that say super aggressive shit and are very angry ass dicks that leave me with the idea that there would be an expectation of something that I might not be comfortable with.  If anyone has any advice or something to say, please dump it in the comments or in a private message.  Thank you all.