Thumbs Up

“So… what would you say was the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done without your pants on?”

Me + her + wine = sex talk. That never fails. In these topsy-turvy times we live in, that’s one thing that remains constant and reliable. If I drink wine with her, we will at some point start talking about sex.

“Well, there was this one time. I had just showered, and even though I had spent most of my time in the shower with a shampoo bottle stuffed halfway up my pussy and the shower head blasting away at my clit until I came, I still felt unsatisfied.”

She’s sitting cross-legged on a brightly colored cushion on the floor, looking like a yoga teacher. Except she’s not giving a lecture about the importance of proper body alignment, she’s drinking wine and eating brie cheese and talking about shampoo bottles in her pussy.

“So you know how I used to have braces, right?”

“Uh-huh.” I nodded and smiled at her.

“Well, this one time, I found a video online of a girl with braces, and she was Asian like me, and had kind of the same body type as me. Slim, with small boobs like mine. And in the video, she was sitting on the floor with her hands in her lap, and a ton of guys just walked up to her and shot their cum all over her. Like, I’m talking maybe fifty guys here. The floor was really wet and glistening, and all of her was just covered in cum by the end of the video. And I had never seen that sort of porn before. I even had a dream about it. I mean, I dreamt that it was me in the video.”

“So is that why you were so horny that day, you said that even after masturbating in the shower, you still felt horny and unsatisfied, right? Because that porn video made a huge impact on you.”

“Exactly!” She tilts her wine glass toward me to emphasize how correct my assessment of the situation was, and spills a small amount of wine over the wooden cheese tray in front of her. She doesn’t even notice it, and immediately continues her story.

“Because I hadn’t seen videos like that before. I found the video by accident really. This was a long time ago, you know, I had just turned 18 when this happened. And I was still a virgin, actually. And you know, because the girl in the video looked a lot like me, and because what they did was just so…slutty, and dirty, and so forbidden…so over the top, and a little bit twisted, you know? It really turned me on. I hadn’t even tasted cum yet, and suddenly I was dreaming about these boatloads of cum getting sprayed over my body by men I didn’t know.

“So anyway, after showering I was still so horny, and I decided to watch the video again. I was home alone, so I knew I could turn the volume up on the video and not have to be sneaky. So I sat down in front of the computer, and, you know…got to work. My pussy was really wet and warm and I think I had my first orgasm not even three minutes into the video.

“I tried some new things then too, I think that’s when I learned that I like slapping my pussy. Like, I feel that’s the day I learned to just let go and enjoy myself. It felt really freeing. I always used to feel a little bit dirty and ashamed after masturbation, not that I know why. It wasn’t a religious thing or anything, I guess I just felt it was dirty. But around the time when I found that video, I really learned to just let go.

“So I was fingering myself with my feet up against the edge of the computer desk, watching the video and experimenting with slapping my pussy with the palm of my hand, and I had a few orgasms while watching the girl in the video get splattered with cum from all those faceless guys.

“And as I felt I was getting closer and closer to another bigger orgasm, I saw, in the corner of my eye, movement. Something moving. I quickly realize that it’s the curtains of the house next door. And I immediately understand that someone’s watching me.

“It was confusing. Because I immediately think ‘Shit, shit shitshitshit, someone’s watching me,’ and I want to spring up from the chair and run over to the window to close the blinds and then promptly proceed to die of embarrassment and never leave the house again. But at the same time, I…actually don’t want to do that.

“I don’t know why, don’t ask me why, but you know what I did? I was so horny that I guess I just didn’t care anymore, and I just…well, I just got on with it. I could see the curtain kind of flapping around a tiny little bit, and there was a silhouette. Someone was definitely still there. But I can’t turn my head, because then they’ll know that I know. I am hyper-aware of the presence of this other person. And it’s dirty, it’s forbidden, it’s new to me, and it’s definitely exciting. I kept wondering if the person watching me was masturbating. I imagined him shooting his cum over the window.

“I came really hard, with two fingers knuckle-deep inside my pussy. And for some reason, I decide to do a thumbs up to whoever was watching me. It’s like something came over me. And by now I was pretty sure I knew who it was, anyway. It had to have been Benny, the neighbor’s son. He was a few years older than me and I had always been kind of mildly interested in him. He had strong, manly hands and really ice-blue eyes. Benny had never showed any interest in me though, but there he was now, hiding behind his curtain and spying on me. Probably stroking his cock. Hopefully stroking his cock.

“So after I cum really hard, I do a thumbs up toward the window and quickly turn my head and fire off a big smile. Like I said, something came over me. I didn’t want to be ashamed about enjoying myself any longer. And as soon as I do this, the silhouette vanishes. Immediately, just poof. Gone.

“And of course now the regret sets in. ‘Why did I do the thumbs up? Why had I turned my head and smiled like that?’

“But then again, why not? Why shouldn’t I be able to do that if I want? ‘I’m sure Benny watches porn too, don’t all guys? Most guys like seeing girls masturbate, surely. Why can’t I be dirty if I want? There’s nothing wrong with it, I’m not harming anyone.’

“After I’ve cleaned up, I put on a bikini and go outside on the back porch of the house with a can of Sprite, and browse Facebook on my phone. I see Benny’s post from the day before in my feed, it’s a photo of those big manly hands of his holding a wrench, and doing something to the engine of a car. I immediately start fantasizing about his thick fingers pushing into my hungry pussy.

“Something comes over me again, and before I know it, I’ve sent my secret admirer a message on Messenger.

“‘Don’t hide behind the curtain the next time ;)’

“The ‘read’ receipt pops up under my message, and a tingly feeling rises up along my spine all the way down from my feet as I wait for his response. But nothing happens. Nothing happens for several minutes. He’s left me on read. The bastard has left me on read! I figure he must be embarrassed. Or maybe he didn’t like what I did? Maybe what I did wasn't sexy at all? I feel confused again, it’s a weird mix of disappointment and excitement.

“Benny doesn’t reply to the message, and around an hour or so later, I go to the front of the house to bring in the mail from the mailbox. As Benny’s dad, the 50-something-years-old electrician, pulls out of his driveway and slowly drives by in his work truck, he honks the car horn at me twice and shows me a huge smile and a thumbs up.”