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Thoughts while serving on an aircraft carrier

Posted by: SoloTouchArchive Author: admin Posted on: 14 Apr 2005 0 comments
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by Anonymous By way of introduction, I was a Biology major and Mathematics minor in college which helps me in my job as an actuary (insurance guy). I�ve always liked numbers, especially when thy relate to some biological function. I was a lieutenant jg on an aircraft carrier in 1968-9. One evening, after a particularly rewarding jerk-off session, I was cleaning-up when I had an interesting thought. How much cum is produced aboard this ship? Now there are some assumptions I had to make when doing all this figuring, but, using averages, I don�t believe I was too far off. I�m sure you�ll agree, but I had to start somewhere. This was a supercarrier, so with a full flight wing and ship�s complement, there were nearly 5000 men aboard and some of the tours at sea lasted 60 to 90 days. Let�s say each guy jerked-off once each day, all except the chaplain, of course. It�s a well-known fact that during the Vietnam war, the average age of servicemen was 19. So, put 5000 young, horney, bored-most-of-the-time guys together and, if anything, once a day is a low figure. I, personally, would leave my office on some days 2 or 3 times for a quick pull in the head. But, like I said we have to start somewhere. The average cumload is 3 milliliters, about � teaspoon. 5000 x 3 ? That�s 15000 milliliters!! If you�re not familiar with metrics, that�s 15 liters or 15.9 quarts. Nearly 4 gallons of cum produced each day. On a tour of 90 days, that works out to 360 gallons, enough to fill a large 6-seater hot tub. Just heat that baby up to 98.6o and sliiiiiiiiide in. But, you wouldn�t be alone. Swimming along with you are 135 trillion sperm. That�s 135 with 12 zeros. If you�re curious that�s 27,000 times the human population. Close your eyes and imagine yourself in that hot tub with 5 of your best JO buddies. The bubbles are on, stirring and swirling that warm goo all around you. That delicious, bleachy odor filling your nose. Just scoop-up handfuls of it and massage it all over each other�s shoulders, necks and heads. Maybe you take a mouthful of it and squirt it into your buddy�s face. He laughs as it runs down in thick streams. Nice fantasy, huh? But, because of its high sugar (yes, sugar) content, cum doesn�t store well. It goes bad in a short period of time, so let�s go back to 4 gallons a day. What do you do with that? I know that there�s some cum freak out there who�s going to want to drink it all. But semen is not just water. It�s a complex of sugars, hormones, protein, lots of DNA in those little sperm heads. (Note: for those of you on a low-fat diet, not to worry. Semen is a fat-free food. So---swallow away, guys). Each load of jizm is about 7 calories. With nearly 35,000 calories in that four gallons, your body couldn�t process that much "food." Even an active athlete uses 5000 cal/day at most. All you�d need, let�s call it the minimum daily requirement of cum, is about 5 cups. Share the rest with 5 other friends who have the same weird food habits. What about time? Glad you asked. It takes, on average, 3 minutes of concentrated stroking to pop your load. 15,000 minutes each day or 250 hours are spent just strokin�. Now, tack on 15 minutes of fantasizing about your favorite gal, or guy, and we�re talking 1500 man-hours in jerking-off and associated activities. Since there�s 5000 wankers aboard, that means that there has to be 208 cum shots every hour, or 3.5/minute. That means that every 17.2 seconds, some guy is shooting his jizz. At any given moment, 10 guys are waxing their boner. Every day, 24 hours a day. Here�s a thought. The average male orgasm lasts 4.8 seconds with a pleasurable spasm of the bulbospongiosus muscle every 8 tenths of a second. This is the muscle that makes the cum squirt out of your cock and give you all those nice little "feelies" you crude types call cumming. If all the orgasms were laid end to end it would take 6.7 hours with 30,000 pleasure spasms. A six and a half hour orgasm. That�s enough to reduce you to a blob of jell-o. But wait a minute! To produce that kind of orgasm, you�d have to have some set of cojones. Assuming that the testicle-size to cum-volume-ratio is constant, it takes two testes (balls) to produce that 3ml of man juice. Each testis would have to be---are you ready-----21 inches in diameter and weigh 219 pounds. How would they look in a Speedo?