Thoughts On Human Connection And Masturbation (and Creamy Panties), Updated Version

“Over the years, obviously, I have masturbated with quite a few people. But honestly, never like we do. Not even close, because it was superficial. We have a way of making it so much more. With others it is so much more, what, mechanical?” 

That was said to me last year by Gray, the “masturbation partner” I wrote about years ago, at the height of our revived communication when we were calling our sessions fucking. Afterward, we would bask in the blissful glow and continue chatting. It was truly a natural high, and just as much as the intense physical pleasure, I relished the connection with another person, someone I related to on many levels. He would often reach out to share travel plans, cooking updates, and more. All of it was enjoyable.

It’s interesting to think about the emotional connection to sex, which certainly includes masturbation. We are all, by definition, here because we are masturbators, but we must also each value human connection, or we would not be on this site. It’s been said that there is a loneliness epidemic, and I tend to agree. The friends I made in college have their own lives, and forcing myself to attend a book club and local political meetings has added to my long list of friendly acquaintances, but none of them actually know me.

Mutual masturbation with Gray, even at a distance, was so much better than the in person sex I have had, which was a “relationship” with someone who claimed to love me but responded to my kindness and affection with indifference at best and contempt at worst. Add to that, years later, brief fumblings with one guy who admitted he was disgusted with my body and another who confessed deep feelings but is too mentally ill to even care for himself, and you have my entire history. I have almost never tried, for a variety of reasons I won’t bore you with.

One night stands aren’t hard to come by as a woman, regardless of looks, but I am not interested in that. It has nothing to do with the Christian purity culture in which I grew up, although that did damage me. I just think sex (and again, masturbation IS sex and I would be fine if that’s all I ever had) is so much better with a connection. My main regret about my limited history is simple things like a hug that I have so rarely experienced, and that is a great loss.

This hasn’t been the typical story, but just to spice it up a little, I will say that I am attending a library author event near his house on Sunday and am tempted (I have had a bit to drink which may be influencing my judgment) to drop off the bottle of bourbon I forgot to give him last year when we met, along with a pair of creamy panties, if I can get aroused enough while driving to make that happen. However, it is perhaps a bit invasive. We will see! But my panties are creamy now thinking about it!