The Struggle

The topic of masturbation was always taboo in my household. You just didn't do it. Why? Because God said it was bad. That simple untrueism would cause me great angst for several years. As a young boy, I loved to yank on my cock. I loved the anticipation of knowing I would be able to release all these frustrations through cumming. Once I did cum I had to deal with the guilt set in my head by my parents and Christian school teachers who made me feel dirty for wanting to satisfy a desire I could not control (and still cant). Fortunately this guilt was short lived, as soon my cock would be ready for another rub down. And I was all too willing to lend it a hand. Thus was the cycle of my emotions for all of my teen age years and even into my early twenties. I do thank God every day that I did not succumb to the unreasonable moral standards set in place by my ancestors. As I grew, the guilt did diminish but only because I matured and understood my body and mind better. I still enjoyed pleasing my cock almost on a daily basis but struggled with a tinge of guilt following every orgasm. I married young, quickly followed by children and both of us struggling in new careers. There was no way I could tell my young wife how much I enjoyed masturbating. She would slowly learn, be it accidentally forgetting to take the porn tape out of the VCR or the one time I yanked so long and so hard I actually broke the skin on my cock. That was awesome! Finally she just straight out caught me; cock in hand, porn on the TV, in my complete glory. My wife too was raised in the perverted Christian culture which denied the joy of self-pleasure and therefore was naturally angry with me. Again forcing me to continue to hide my habits behind closed doors and sneaking to the video store to get my porn. Over the next few years my wife warmed to the idea of my jerk off session, realizing they one, did not affect my sex drive or attraction to her and two, it probably isn't as immoral as she thought. I actually thank the internet and the boon of the communication revolution for opening both our eyes to the joy of masturbation. Talking about masturbating came out of the closet and people began to realize, everyone does it and no one needs to go to hell for it. We removed ourselves from the oppressive influence of Christianity and embraced the idea that we could both enjoy masturbation, alone and together. I only write this story today as a form of release (pardon the pun). By exposing my own insecurities to like-minded individuals I am further removing the chains that held me back. I am allowing myself to be open and free with my masturbation and enjoy the hell out of it. Today my wife accepts my desire to cum as a function of being a man. She occasionally allows me the joy of jerking off in her presence and will even stroke my balls or kiss me if the mood is right. I would like to say I have come full circle but I still struggle with my desires, fearing I could be too pushy that my wife gets discouraged. I will continue to follow the path to complete sexual freedom with her as I know I am getting close. I apologize this story is not as sexy as I had hoped. It sort of took a turn as I began to lay my thoughts down. I promise to improve my prose as it is truly a sexual experience for me to share my masturbation exploits.