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The Men's Club Part III Coming Clean!

Posted by: Age: 68 Posted on: 3 comments
5 likes 131 views Category: Masturbation Group Male Tags: Mae-Male, jerking off, mutual masturbation, sex drive, self-love, porn, communication

This three-part series is a collaborative project by two ST-ers, Maturebator and Patrick.  It’s based on a composite of real events and conversations, although the location, setting and names have been changed.  


If you read the first two parts you have a good sense of the kind of ‘club’ we’re in.  We enjoy swimming, we’re comfortable being nude around each other, most of our conversations center either on sex or on the local news circuit, and we’re “careful” to carve out time for a good circle jerk.  We somehow manage to steer clear of arguments, mainly by having a ground rule that says, simply, we’re here to learn from each other and enjoy each other’s company. Our next club meeting occurred a month later, and we had a record number attending – sixteen.  Several members brought guests, two of whom had visited with us before and enjoyed the company.  If the reader is wondering about the title to this part of the series, the reader will see that we’re talking about the business of “opening up to our wives,” regarding – what else – masturbation!  After a few minutes of greetings, catching up on who-went-where recently and so on, one of the group spoke up . . . Bill:   Hey Patrick, remember that question I brought up last time about how many of us are comfortable jerking off at home whenever we want, even around our wives?  I can’t remember the show of hands, but I have a gut feeling that there are at least a few of us who have to hide it from our wives.  Maybe not “have” to, but who do.  Well, let me ask another question:  For everybody here, how many guys do you know – regardless of their age – who feel they have to hide their jerk-off sessions from their wives, in particular those wives who are no longer interested? The Group:  This created a bit of a stir, but after going around the pool area and ‘counting noses’, it turned out that, with only one exception, the guys claimed that most of the men they knew pretty much had to hide it from their wives.  And, some guys simply didn’t do masturbate at all, either for fear or embarrassment of being caught, or because they somehow felt that – since sex wasn’t possible with their partner – they had basically given up on it. Patrick:  Great start.  I’m actually not too surprised with the results of your quick poll, Bill.  Okay.  Let me offer a lead-off response.  First, my personal view is that, if one’s wife says she no longer cares for sex, the first thing to do is to get at the “why”.  We talked a lot about this a few months back.  If you can explore and find a way of rejuvenating the interest, terrific – that’s a great outcome.  But, if there’s a physical problem that prevents comfortable intercourse, or if she’s not interested in finding some new ways to enjoy her sexuality, or flat out simply feels that sex is no longer on her to-do list, what do you do? Jerry:  Personally, I can’t see any argument for hiding it from one’s wife.  By avoiding the subject, and by jerking off in secret this doesn’t exactly make for an open, comfortable relationship.  I can’t believe that anyone deep down “wants” to hide what he’s doing.  Rich:  As I think back on our other club meetings, it’s amazing how often things always seem to come back to that one word:  communication – the importance of it and the absence of it.  For me, the answer is simple but also something that is for many "easier said than done."   I hope you’d all agree that communication is truly the cornerstone of any good and satisfying relationship.  It’s sort of a "building block" you have to start with it in the beginning, isn’t it?  I’m not in the construction field, but I’m guessing that it's pretty hard - if not impossible - to jack-up a relationship on blocks and re-build the foundation if, for 30 or 40 years or more there was a lack of communication.  But that's pretty much what needs to be done. Bernie:  No argument here, Rich.   In fact, if there’s been a long term communication gap between a guy and his wife, it might help to actually seek out counseling.  It’s supposed to benefit the couple by having each of them open up about their feelings, needs, drives, desires and so on.  The counselor serves as an intermediary . . . trying to facilitate some common ground and agreement between the husband and wife.  A friend of mine did this recently in fact.  It worked wonders, although it took about 6 month’s worth of sessions. Jake:  Guys, I’ve been through this before, to tell you the truth.  Years ago.  Anyway, we’re talking about if or how to talk with our wives when there’s no way they want sex, despite our best efforts.  For me, I’ll admit it really took a bit of courage.  More than a bit.  I had to think carefully about how to initiate a conversation about sex, and in particular, masturbation.  Mainly, this is because for years, there simply wasn't much of any way to do it.  But, by bringing up the subject, I knew I risked being considered weird or perverted or some other negative term.  But, like the Cowardly Lion in the Wizard of Oz, courage is exactly what I needed.  I found that you've got to sit down and try to have a comfortable but rather deep, personal conversation about sex drive.  My wife had lost interest but, for me, I was still very much interested.  However you guys do this – or any of your friends - there are any number of possibilities and scenarios for talking with each other, like how you did when you met  in the first place.  Either way, the goal is the same . . .to communicate the fact that you still have a strong interest in sexual pleasure.   Oops.  Sorry to go on and on.  No problem, Jake!  Remember our key ground rule.   We listen, we learn. Rich.  I keep thinking that, for me, a big part of the problem and yes, I mean the problem, is the interpretation so many women have given to the act of masturbation – like it’s some kind of selfish act, and something that takes away from you and your wife’s relationship.  The ironic thing is that, for us, this business of masturbation is indeed about us . . it’s self-ish, in a way.   It’s about me and my penis.  It’s about giving myself pleasure.   [Most of the members are nodding in agreement at this point.] Really, it’s about giving yourself pleasure.  It’s about loving YOU.  And if you have, or use, sexual fantasies in the course of ‘loving yourself’, you’re just doing what comes naturally.  You’re not betraying your wife in doing this.  But, as some of you probably have heard, many women consider porn [and by definition fantasy] as tantamount to ‘cheating’.   So, I guess that what it comes down to is that, if any thing is not about her . . .your wife . . . it’s verboten.  For some women, anyway. Everett:  I’m not sure I follow you.  I need the release, I love the pleasurable feelings, but I’m still not sure about how this ties into my wife’s philosophy. Rich.  Okay, as I’ve often explained to a couple of my friends over in California, and they’re all passionate about masturbation, believe me, the arousal factor in looking at a particular image isn’t so much that I lust after the person in the picture, it’s that I’m really happy in how they’re expressing their pleasure.  So, if love is a beautiful thing, so is masturbation.   Most of you know that I like to read, and quite a few years ago David Shaw wrote in The Pleasure Police [1996] “Misery does indeed love company; people who aren’t having any fun don’t want anyone else to have any fun either, sexual or otherwise.”  So, yeah, this is so, so applicable to our situation here, whether the cause is religious, political or something else. You know what else?  I think that taste, like lots of other things, runs deep.  For instance, guys, or gals, are either going to like oral sex, or they’re not.  There’s not going to be a lot of ‘talking one into it’, in other words.  It can happen, but most often, it does not.  Anyway, I do think that people – our wives, our friends, ourselves etc. – can change, we generally don’t!  Or, at least in just minor ways.   If you like masturbation, you’ve liked it since you first learned it.  If you don’t like it, you probably have some kind of stigma about it, that it’s unnecessary or disgusting or whatever. Barry.  I think I’m getting it.  I think I can plan, or watch for, a good opportunity to talk ‘in depth’ with my wife.  And, I know I’ll need to screw up my courage, as the Brits say.  I know I need to talk about what my sex drive means, and how I need to express it, and that it has nothing to do with how or how much I love her.   I really do want, and need, to have the experience of masturbation on a regular basis, but I don’t want to hide it from her.   What happens if she says I’m being weird, or that I’m being selfish, or being like a ‘boy’ again, at that it’s simply ‘wrong’ to do within our marriage?   Well, I think I now know what I can – and will – tell her.  And I will persist.  If she doesn’t like it, well . . okay.  This will become one of those things we will agree to disagree on, as they say.  I’m tired of doing it behind her back.  Now, I’ll be in the open and I figure that, if she objects, well . . . okay, she’ll get over it. Patrick:   Yes, she will get over it. . . .eventually.  Just stick to your principles!  You know you’re right on this, okay?  You’re doing nothing wrong.  To the contrary, you’re doing everything a normal male at your age ought to be doing!  The main thing is that you’ll have been open; you’ll tell her the truth about matters of sex drive, the importance – and value – of masturbation to you.  All that and more.  No more guilt.  No more frustration.  No more hiding.  You’ll feel better for it, even though it may take your wife a while to find a way to deal with it. Okay . . . .our conversation continued for another half hour, covering a lot of the same ground – guilt, anxiety, ways of approaching one’s spouse, of somehow beginning a communication process that would open the door to a more comfortable environment and the like.  At some point Jerry yelled   . . . okay guys, who’s going to start our circle jerk today?   Bernie yelled, YOU are . . get over on that lounge chair and I’ll get you started!   The rest can be imagined.  As to who was the first one who got to yell Masturbation Forever . . . honors went to Rich this time around! Stay tuned for Part IV.  A work in progress.  

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