Reflections of a Voyeur

Reflections of a Voyeur by Soleri I’ve been an avid masturbator for many years. Masturbation is my favorite thing to do and think about. I love reading about it, talking about it, and of course watching other people do it too. I even take “masturbation holidays” where I dedicate whole days to masturbation. My ideal day, even a work day, is to masturbate three times, with each session an hour or so. I don’t always cum at each session, as I love to go near the edge for as long as possible and then when I’m just about ready to cum, to back off. I’ll want to start again in a few minutes, and I can literally continue this cycle all day. As a professional writer with fairly constant deadlines, I can often arrange my schedule to allow for extended masturbation sessions during the day – kind of as a break from my work. It’s a great perk to my job. (On days when I can’t masturbate, there’s another perk – the subsequent sessions are that much hornier for me!) As with most male masturbationists, I’m a professed voyeur. As soon as I look at something even moderately suggestive of sex, I just want to strip off my clothes, sit down and start stroking my cock. (I generally manage to resist when I’m in a public setting.) I have a beautiful cock (“cut”, as they say, though I don’t like this term, with a nice pink color and purplish bulging head when erect), and I just love looking at it when it’s hard and pulsing. I love stroking it – and savor thinking about upcoming sessions and remembering previous sessions. I have multiple techniques, but my favorite is heavily lubed right hand, with up-to-down milking motions, with a small twist and squeeze near the head, and letting the bottom of my palm caress the base of my cock from time to time for a few extra pulses. I especially love giving special attention to the top part of my cock, and love making small swirling motions with my forefinger under the left side. With the plethora of available free stuff on the internet, and my propensity to download, collect, and organize and reorganize my files, I have ready access to thousands and thousands of porn visuals. These, added to my large collection of DVDs and favorite saved pages from porn magazines, has given me virtually unlimited access to anything I want to look at. I am really into Asian women (my lovely wife, who’s very understanding of my love of sex and masturbation, is Japanese), especially their butts, and have an extensive collection of Asian asses. As you can probably guess, as soon as I have a peek at anything in my collection, particularly an Asian selection, out comes my cock and my jar of Vaseline. As any true voyeur knows, the real thrill comes from finding something new to look at. Browsing through the internet, deciding what free pix and video clips to download for later consumption, is a wonderful pastime for me, and is more sexually arousing than culling through my past collections. Of course, being a real voyeur, if time and circumstances permit, I prefer to be naked and have my right hand lubed up while I’m surfing the net, lingering as long as I want on the best material. There always seems to be something new, even in my specialty of Asian asses, and believe me, I never get tired of appreciating the subtleties: the color, the shape of the butt cheeks, the look of the asshole and vagina together, the different camera angles, with and without panties, and the look on the model’s face. And, as obsessed porn collectors know, organizing and naming my files has become an intricate art for me. I can really get into this, expending a lot of creative juices (!) as I do this. I have also recorded my voice while organizing pictures – interjecting superlatives about how beautiful this woman’s pussy is, or how much I’d love to lick that woman’s asshole, etc. (“Ow god” and “I don’t believe it” and “Ow, that’s gorgeous” are my most common expressions.) This narrative is accompanied with steady stroking and squeezing my lovely cock and getting some wonderful oozing of precum appreciation. I like playing back the audio as I look at the pictures a second time. I’ve also done this with video, taping myself jacking off as I look through my collection. Watching the replays is totally hot, and I feel like I’m having double the intensity of masturbation. When I jack off, I usually drift into my imagination recalling from previous masturbation sessions which pictures or video clips got me really hot, or a hot sex session with my wife – or a former girlfriend. I particularly like to recall a visual shot I was looking at when I came, or the feeling and scent of my wife’s lovely body, and thinking back on the cum shooting out of my cock either in the air or into my wife’s cunt, and remembering if I saw my cum afterwards – either oozing from my wife’s pussy lips, or scooping it up from my stomach to taste it. When masturbating, I sometimes will finish by lying on my back, inverting myself, and coming in my mouth (I used to be able to suck my own cock, by in the past few years this has become less comfortable to do). This is very much fun to recall, and it’s definitely worth the extra effort. A couple of years ago, I became very interested in pictures and videos of females jerking off men. “Handjobs” became a very active category in my collection, both of clips and still shots and also later DVDs (I was really excited to learn that there are whole videos devoted to this topic. I love watching films of handjobs while I stroke my own cock to the same cadence as the woman on screen is doing to her lucky subject. I especially love scenes in which the female talks to the guy and masturbates herself at the same time. I used to think that the females in the films are generally just acting as if they’re excited, even though the lucky guys apparently are into it for real – as their spewing of hot cum at the end of the scene attests. But my wife has convinced me that some women really do have a great sexual time watching guys jack off, even if they’re not actually going to have an orgasm while watching or participating. After building up my handjob collection for a while, I started collecting pictures and video clips of solo females masturbating. I started a small collection of DVDs of women masturbating – as there is a growing crop of these in porn shops, some very, very good. A particularly hot scenario, which many of the film directors obviously understand, is when the woman says something like, “Oh, you want to watch me masturbate? Sure, come on. And, oh, if you want to jack off, go ahead.” This is the ultimate fantasy line for me, and to actually hear a woman say it (even if it is on cue and not exactly spontaneous) is wonderful…. mmm. I will never get tired of that phrasing. When looking at pictures and movies, I often construct a story line like this, involving my sister, my mother, my cousin, my aunt, a neighbor, a classmate, a teacher, a stranger in a motel. I love male-female masturbation stories that involve the male getting caught and the woman (sister, mother, etc.) asking if she can watch and participating in various ways. (In my ideal fantasy, of course, the young boy – me – never gets emotionally scarred by having adults intervene with a teenager’s budding sexual curiosity, as seems to be the case in real life.) In the past year or so, I’ve become very interested in pictures and clips of male masturbation also. There’s something very stimulating about watching another guy jack off, and knowing that other people are watching also. (My initiation to masturbation was at age 11 with my cousin, two years older than me, very nonchalantly showing me how he jacked off. I even remember his invitation: Hey, I’ve got something really cool to show you – it’s called jacking off. You’re going to love it.”) The more uninhibited the guy is, the better. And I have to admit: size does matter. The bigger the cock, the better the masturbation show. I now have harvested a fairly large collection of free clips from the net of well-endowed guys masturbating – there are some really priceless ones…in fact, I’m just going to take a break here to inspect… Yep, I’ve got a lot…it’s a huge turn on to see a guy really getting into it…and yep, I had to masturbate while I was looking through (what a surprise, my pants just magically wound up at my ankles, I couldn’t help it)…and spent a good hour savoring my collection and gently stroking with astroglide (which I sometimes use as an alternate to Vaseline). I didn’t cum, but I stayed on the edge most of the time, which is a great way to masturbate, and really savor the visuals. When watching male masturbation clips, I especially love the short period right before a guy is going to come…when the guy’s cock becomes engorged, and he starts losing it and realizing that jacking off is so wonderful and then the groans of actually cumming, and the random wild spews of hot cum… fantastic. As I mentioned, I also have a few clips of me masturbating…one that is very hot to watch is when I filmed myself jacking off while sniffing my wife’s panties (she was out of town at the time, so I could really go at it), and in front of a video screen with a hot video playing (for the connoisseur, it was … I kept muttering things about how beautiful Y’s (my wife’s) pussy smelled (it was absolutely intoxicating), and watching it again with the video playing in the background made it doubly exciting to experience again. I have timed a real cum to this video cum several times, as I’m saying, “Oh, (Y), I love the smell of your pussy…I love to smell your pussy…. (accelerating voice) oh, I’m sniffing your panties, (desperate now to cum) oh shit, I’m going to cum…oh, shit, (almost incoherent, inhaling rapidly) I’m cumming while I’m sniffing your panties” The act of filming itself is very hot…the kind of methodical preparation, checking camera angles of hand on cock, then “action”… (Of course, like a lot of people these days, I film without showing my face… I really don’t want even the possibility of having the clips seconded by someone and my being identified on the net in this kind of situation today, tomorrow, or ten years from now – “Oh, look, isn’t that (name) sniffing a pair of panties and masturbating…?” Anyway, the initial point of this “memoir” was to tell you about my current fascination with masturbation – and that’s watching guys jack off live. I haven’t been able to arrange for a direct live show with the right person yet. I have tried to arrange mutual masturbation sessions over the internet with people locally, but it’s never worked out. I live in the SF Bay Area and I know there is a Male Jack Off club that meets practically every day downtown in the Tenderloin district, but I know this is predominantly a gay club, which I’m not interested in joining, and I’m a bit shy about participating so publicly. I have found a way to combine my voyeuristic interest in the search for live male masturbation: I now go to peep shows, with lots of windows around the dancing area, and find the window that has the best “reflection” into the seated areas where guys are jacking off. There’s usually somebody in the booth, seated…and a lot of the time, the person has apparently said to himself (as I have on many an occasion), “fuck it, I’m just going to jack off and I don’t care who sees it.” And they just whip it out and wantonly masturbate as a woman dances nude in front of them. The seated booths are the ones for exhibitionists, where the dancers can easily look in to see you – the other booths are for voyeurs; you’re standing and there’s no angle for the dancer to see you jacking off. I assume the guys in the seated booths don’t mind that I’m watching them go at it, though I sometimes wish there’d be a mutual recognition. Sometimes, the guy I’m watching will really get into it, take off his shirt, use some lube, stroke away. Last time, I saw a guy with a HUGE dick beating off while mouthing lewd comments to the dancers…I was stunned, and very excited. I usually don’t cum in the booths anymore (I used to do this all the time), preferring to savor my cum in a more comfortable setting, but when Mr. Big Dick came – white sticky cum arcing upward and onto the glass – the whole scene was too much. I came into my hand and licked up as much as I could, groaning in ecstasy the whole time. I love to replay the peep show scenes in my mind later while I masturbate: woman dancing for men to jack off to (this idea alone is an incredible turn on), me finding a reflection to see into another booth, watching another guy jacking off while I’m also jacking off. I know that the guys I run into at peep shows and strip shows are also avid masturbators, as are readers of this page, and even though we don’t communicate directly to each other about our cravings, I know we all have a kind of private bond. Well, those are my reflections…