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re: Porn/Erotica and Masturbation

Posted by: Age: 68 Posted on: 6 comments
8 likes 120 views Category: Masturbation General Tags: Masturbation General, porn, erotica, masturbation, addiction, communication, relationships

Opinion and personal experience regarding the enjoyment of adult sexual media in masturbation.


Two words, basically talking about the same thing.  Let’s take a look at two Wikipedia definitions: “Pornography is the portrayal of sexual subject matter for the purpose of sexual arousal.  Pornography may be presented in a variety of media, including books, magazines, postcards, photographs, sculpture, drawing, painting, animation, sound recording, writing, film, video, and video games." “Erotica is any artistic work that deals substantively with erotically stimulating or sexually arousing subject matter. All forms of art may depict erotic content, including painting, sculpture, photography, drama, film, music or literature. Erotica has high-art aspirations, differentiating it from commercial pornography." By those definitions, one gets the idea that “erotica” is a higher grade of sexual media, but one can easily find both poorly made “erotica” and very well made “porn.”  Examples?  “50 Shades of Grey” is considered “erotica” and yet, in spite of it’s popularity and sales figures, it pales in comparison to other classic erotic novels like “Lolita,” “Lady Chatterly’s Lover” or “Fanny Hill.”  Then again, as they say,” beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” and the same goes for erotica.  If you’re into bondage and abuse, then “50 Shades” probably gets your juices flowing. And while there’s enough cheap, poorly made porn videos (with funky disco music, cardboard walls and fake moans) to fill a football stadium, there are also directors out there producing hot, quality film.  Examples?  “Secrets” by Andrew Blake (a noted Penthouse photographer), “The Dinner Party” by Cameron Grant, or “Curse of the Catwoman” by John Leslie. Seriously, trying to differentiate between porn and erotica is pointless.  As author Susie Bright wrote in the 1996 "Best of American Erotica,"What is the difference between erotica and pornography?  No one can stay awake for that one anymore. There's a new question about sex writing and it comes straight from the authors to the readers: 'Did I move you?'" Next, I want to address some of the various politics and misunderstanding surrounding the topic of porn - the title preferred by people who think that erotic writing and imagery are evil, immoral, harmful, etc., etc.  Just as I said there’s enough bad porn to fill a sports stadium, the same goes for articles promoting the “harmfulness” of porn.  In fact, if you were looking for “professional” articles about porn, and you went to a very popular psychology website, you’d find all kinds of conflicting writing - some people claiming it “ruins relationships” and others explaining that the reason relationships go “on the rocks” is most often due to a lack of communication.  One “doctor” promotes the idea of “porn/sex addiction” and another debunks the idea. Let me put it another way.  Personally, I’m not a fan of firearms, but if we are to believe that “guns don’t kill people,” then porn doesn’t ruin relationships.  It takes a PERSON to do that.  You simply cannot logically have it both ways.  People’s problems don’t originate from a “thing” - as if it were a cursed object - but rather, from their relationship to that particular thing. One “doctor” will claim there’s such a thing as an “addictive personality” and another will deny the idea.  No wonder people are confused.  All too often, what's referred to as "addiction" is simply a person's lack of (or unwillingness to exercise) any self-control or moderation.  Anything - in moderation - probably won't hurt you, and anything in exessive amounts is probably not good for you.  I enjoy telling people online,”You’re not a ‘masturbation addict’ - you’re just an ‘enthusiast.’   Unless you get fired from a job because you were absent too many day from staying home to masturbate, or you spent the rent money on porn videos, or you got arrested for public masturbation, you’re not “addicted” because your behavior is not negatively impacting your life.  Of course, if you told me that ALL you like to do is masturbate, I might suggest you get a second hobby. How people relate to porn/erotica has a lot to do with their upbringing (ultra-religious or very inhibited parents), or how their puberty and adolescence developed over time, what sort of people they dated…all kinds of things.  But at the end of the day, you either enjoy erotic media or you’re probably against it.  There’s not a lot of middle ground.  You don’t meet too many people who say,”Porn?  Eh, I can take it or leave it.” Personally, I’ve always enjoyed looking at (and masturbating to) erotic media.  When I was a young, most of us could get our hands on a copy of Playboy easily enough, either from an older brother or our father’s stash, or we’d find one discarded in a park or alley.  Back then, erotic imagery was fairly tame, showing only breasts or a bare buttocks.  Playboy didn’t display pubic hair until 1970.  But the porn gods must have smiled down on me, because while on a waste paper collection for the school band, I found a large, neatly-tied stack of expensive, explicit porn magazines put out for the trash.  In contrast to the tame images in Playboy, these magazines displayed both women and men, fully nude, erect, moist, and in every variety of situation, both solo and as couples.  For me, it was not only arousing but educational.  It was like looking into the future for what awaited me, sexually.  Here, boldly displayed were lusty, mature women with hungry, gaping vaginas and mature men with huge, thick erections, spewing torrents of cum.  To me, this wasn’t lewd at all - it was beautiful.  Here, spread before my eyes were people enjoying oral, intercourse and masturbation.  I suppose the odds were that the images could also have been abusive in nature, but they weren’t.  They were gorgeous.  On a side note, there's something to be said for talking to teens about erotic media, but that's another discussion and something that most parents probably don't do, or do well.  Besides, most adult couples, themselves probably haven't discussed erotic media or masturbation. And so, for decades, I’ve been enjoying erotic imagery; both still photo and videos, both privately and with my wife.  Yes, she also enjoys erotica.  She also enjoys masturbation.  Never in 49 years, has she ever expressed any notion that erotic imagery posed any kind of “threat”  to our relationship.  She’s as aroused as I am to see men, women or couples enjoying sex.  And let me make a point of saying that my enjoyment of imagery has nothing whatsoever to do with “lusting” after a woman (or a man), and everything to do with enjoying the sight of another human being who simply loves sexual pleasure. Listen…next time you pass a magazine rack, stop and look at all the genres of periodicals.  There are fishing magazines for anglers.  There are car magazines for “motorheads.”  There are magazines for bird enthusiasts, fashion enthusiasts, crafters, music lovers, etc., etc.  People like to read about and LOOK at pictures of things they enjoy.  Same with sex.  I never heard of anyone accused of “stamp collecting addiction” or “motorcycle addiction.” But sex is - and always has been - a delicate issue for people.  And that’s why I stress discussing it in depth BEFORE you ever consider getting into a “long-term relationship.”  Most couples talk about common interests - books, movies, music, food - and eventually, the conversation comes around to sex.  How much you choose to reveal about yourself and inquire about the other person makes all the difference.  If you enjoy masturbation and/or porn but choose not to talk about it, down the line you’re probably headed for a crisis.  I’d bet money on it.  I don’t care HOW attractive or delightful the other person may be; if self-pleasure and reading/viewing erotica is important to you, TALK about it.  And if you do, and the other person freaks, then perhaps that other person wasn’t the “right one” for you.  It’s one thing to have “priorities;” it’s quite another to have the honesty and the courage to talk about them. Do you want a relationship where you’re free to read or view what you like without shame or castigation?  Or do you want to spend your time furtively masturbating in the garage or the basement?   If someone wants a relationship where ALL sexual arousal originates from within the relationship, that’s their right, their choice, but they’d be smart to talk about that before jumping into anything long-term.  And if you don’t talk about, don’t be surprised when the manure hits the ventilator down the line… As long as you’re not stepping on somebody else’s rights or pissing on their parade, you have the right to live the life you want.  Finding another person who shares your tastes (or brand of crazy), that’s the challenge.

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