How my boyfriend and I acted on our decision to have sex by practicing with condoms and a vegetable. Dear readers: the postscript is a bummer. It will do nothing for your arousal. It is real life though.
Sanjay and I decided that our first full sexual experience would be with each other. We didn’t want our first time to be in the back seat of his car, which was barely suitable for quick oral sex and masturbating each other. Fortunately, my parents were leaving town in two weeks, which would fall after my period but before my most fertile time. We circled that Saturday as our big date.
We decided to use condoms. Other types of birth control would be more available at my university clinic when we started college in the Fall. Sanjay and I were attending university only an hour away from each other, and we definitely saw our relationship as lasting for the long-term. I would get on the pill then.
I knew that condoms were not as reliable as other methods mostly because of user error, so I suggested that we buy a pack and practice before the big day. Sanjay was tentative about the actual purchasing of the condoms since he was too embarrassed to look at a clerk for the time that it should take to ring it up. I told him that if he didn’t have the balls to buy the condoms, he didn’t have the balls to have sex. I could be with him in the drug store, and we could drive to the next town so there would be no chance of running into someone we knew.
When we reached the family planning aisle, we were baffled by the wide variety. After some giggling discussion, we picked a thin style for greater sensitivity in a box of a dozen. Just as Sanjay moved on, I called him back to pick out sexual lubricant. I told him that I needed help to fit his dick into my tight virgin pussy. We picked a water-based lube that worked well with a condom. A girl about our age checked us out at the register. Sanjay was dreadfully embarrassed. I gave her a big wink as we left; she smiled and gave me the thumbs up sign.
As we walked back to his car, I said that there was one other item we needed if I was going to join him in our practice session: something to substitute for his penis. We decided to visit the produce section of the grocery store. Carrots there were too thin. Bananas were seriously considered, but we decided on a zucchini squash, which his Indian family called a courgette. We giggled again as we tried to find one that best matched his size.
Sanjay and I then drove to a shaded area of deserted parking lot, a place no one would visit on a Sunday afternoon. We climbed into the back seat. I opened the box and pulled out one of the packets as he pulled down his shorts and boxers. Being the nerd that I was, I read all the directions on the box out loud.
I said, “Okay, let’s go,” but when I looked down, his penis was uncharacteristically floppy. Anteceptic reading of directions did not serve as a turn on for him. Some passionate French kissing and a nibble of his earlobe brought his cock to attention. I placed the condom with its tiny cum reservoir at the tip of his uncircumcised cock and rolled it down to its base.
Squeezing out a blob of lube in my palm, I then gripped his shaft and pumped. The lube and the condom made funny sounds when I stroked, initially causing me to giggle awkwardly. I then focused more on the technique of my handjob, trying to be more forceful and aggressive in the way that I saw him jacking off. My hand got tired. I whispered, “Imagine that your cock is inside my pussy.” Those words did the trick, and soon I felt the familiar pulses of semen flowing through the vein on the front of his penis. The condom didn’t slip or break. Sanjay said that the feeling was not quite like my normal handjob, a bit duller and without my signature sucking and swallowing at the end. I thought that a bit of a duller sensation might help our love making last longer. I would be pretty upset if my first time was cut short from a premature ejaculation.
After a little clean up, he announced that it was my turn and pulled out the zucchini squash and a new packet. I said, “Damn it, Sanjay, haven’t you learned anything about how my sex drive works? It’s called foreplay. You’re damn good at it.” He reminded me that I too was hasty with him just a few minutes before after taking way too much time reading directions. I guess that horny teenagers of both sexes are not the best with patience.
Sanjay nuzzled me, placing wet kisses on my neck. He unbuttoned my blouse and directed his attention to my tits, licking and kissing all around my nipples before putting one in his mouth. Five minutes of breast play, and my pussy was nicely wet. I pulled down my shorts and panties with one motion, leaned against the door and propped my feet on the seat. Sanjay bent down and tenderly kissed the creases of my thighs and the folds of my labia before asking if I was ready for clit licking. Oh yeah, I was ready. He then kissed and licked my increasingly rigid clitoris, starting gently and moving with more force.
Definitely aroused, I announced, “It’s time for Mr. Zucchini!” Sanjay opened the foil packet, pulled out the condom, and roiled it down the length of the vegetable. I then applied a generous amount of lube and placed the substitute penis at the opening of my vagina. A deep breath, and I pushed it in just past my pussy’s entrance. Another deep breath, and a bit more. Although it was a hot summer day, the zucchini was cool from the grocery vegetable display and felt odd. Another deep breath, and the wide part was inside my entrance, uncomfortably stretching me but not too painfully. Two deep breaths, and deeper. I was sure that I didn’t have an intact hymen. My fingers and those of my boyfriends had probed enough and together with some youthful experiences with the handle of a hairbrush, I had broken through that membrane many years before. Still I was very tight. The lube was definitely a good idea. Deep breath. Now it was as far as any fingers or hairbrush had ever ventured. Unexplored territory. Deep breath and pause. I figured that Sanjay’s penis would be an easier fit. Men’s cocks are wonderfully hard and soft at the same time. Perhaps that softness would be more forgiving than a vegetable. Deep breath. Now moving it in and out. Still uncomfortable but not too bad. I thought to myself, “Relax, Lindsey. A woman’s body is made for sex.”
Sanjay asked if he could help. I nodded my head. He caressed my tits and kissed my neck. That romantic distraction worked immediately. My arousal returned, and I could move the condom-wrapped zucchini more freely in and out. It started feeling good. I moved my face so that we could kiss with our tongues, and I pushed even deeper, just about the length of Sanjay’s cock.
By the end of my playtime, I had not climaxed. Too much was happening in my mind and inside my pussy for cumming. Still I had fun, and the novel feeling of simulated sex was a great turn on. The lube and the condom worked well and proved to me that my body was ready.
When I got home, I went straight to my bedroom. I laid face down on my bed and started humping a pillow just as I had when I was younger and didn’t know much about masturbation or my body. I peeled off all of my clothes and ground my pussy against the fabric. I felt the familiar warm sensation building in my groin and pinched my nipples. I spoke in a soft voice, “Fuck me. Fuck me.” At about the tenth fuck me, my orgasm came, and I collapsed down into the bed physically spent.
Postscript
This story has a horrible ending. Sanjay’s mother discovered the box of condoms when she was cleaning his room in preparation for his packing for college. She saw that two condoms were missing. His parents completely forbade Sanjay from seeing me again, even taking the step of transferring him to a different university so we were more separated. My parents, who were sexually prudish and racist, would have done something similar with me if they had found the condoms, except I would have defied them. Defiance was not an option for Sanjay, and our split was permanent. I saw Sanjay years later. He is now married and has children. He didn’t regret anything about what we did in our relationship. He also wanted me to know that what he learned with me in our few months together resulted in his wife being very, very satisfied.
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