Perspective From One of the 80 Percent of Women Who Don't Orgasm From Intercourse

"Women don't know how lucky they are that they can just pick a guy up anytime they want to have sex. If I were a woman, I'd never need to masturbate again." "You've never cum during sex? Trust me, you'd have no problem cumming on my cock." As I write, I am aware that my clitoris is plumped up with blood and aching to be rubbed. Masturbation has been my only sexual outlet for many years, but unlike what many guys imagine when they hear about female masturbation, it does not involve my vagina at all. Just as you reach for your erections, we reach for our smaller erections. :) However, I don't blame anyone for being unclear on how this all works. So, I'm going to get a bit technical here, but bear with me. You just may learn something that could make your female partner happy! Guys I've chatted with are genuinely stunned to hear that the vagina has almost no sensation, and that's not surprising considering that Hollywood and professional porn have perpetuated the silly myth that in-and-out motions in the vagina typically lead to orgasm. (Some lucky women do report so-called "G spot" sensations, which appear analogous to male prostate sensations, but not nearly all women or men experience this alternative sensation at all, and it is a distinctly different sensation from the most common penis and clitoris induced orgasm.) As developing fetuses, we all start out with a rudimentary clitoris, which is pretty interesting, and once our sex is determined, the early formation develops into either a penis or a clitoris. It takes only common sense to draw the conclusion that the penis and clitoris, both packed with nerve endings and containing erectile tissue, are two versions of the same organ and both are at the center of the orgasm. Unfortunately, evolution isn't overly concerned with the female orgasm, which the latest research shows has no bearing on conception. When we understand this, the unfortunate positioning of the clitoris, too far away in most women from the vagina for direct contact during intercourse, is easily understood: female orgasm is an evolutionary bonus, a holdover from fetal development, just like male nipples. About 80 percent of us NEVER reach orgasm during intercourse. Some are lucky that their clits get enough stimulation in certain positions. But that expectation is so ingrained into our society that far too many of us think it's some kind of abnormality when it doesn't happen. There are some lucky men who enjoy orgasms from having their balls stroked or prostates stimulated, but they are not the norm and no one assumes they're "frigid" or abnormal when they are unable to reach it without having the head of the penis stimulated. I'm sure it's probably disappointing for men to hear that penis in vagina is not in fact the most pleasurable feeling for a majority of women. But it's disappointing for us too! :) Remember that we get clitoral erections, with that same strong need to have them stimulated as you do with your penis, and then imagine that what society calls "sex" ignores that erection altogether. Then imagine (going back to the casual sex scenario) that you also had to worry about your partner being physically stronger than you with the ability to overpower you, being more susceptible to STDs, and the worry of pregnancy on top of that. (Did you know that at the top of the birth control pill's endless list of risks and side effects is loss of libido, by the way?) Take all this into account and maybe you'll understand why it is that many straight women are not desperately seeking sex with men they've just met. That's evolution at work again. Sex is high risk and provides much less physical satisfaction than it does for you, so many of us (not all, of course) prefer having sex with someone we know and trust, which at least provides emotional satisfaction. Unsurprisingly, I am in the 80 percent. Sex with my former boyfriend was always frustrating and disappointing, as my clitoris craved stimulation and got none. My current lifestyle of endless caregiving leaves me with almost no chance of finding a relationship, and for all the reasons above, I do not seek out casual sex. The lack of companionship, not the lack of sex, is the reason for the emptiness and hopelessness always lurking in the shadows anyway. I relish the conversations I have with friends, most of them long distance these days, and yes, for those who have messaged and asked, I do still chat with Gray from time to time too. But people are busy with their own lives, so I attempt to fill the emptiness with as much noise and distraction as I can, much like many of us do, I'm sure. Or I masturbate. It helps for a few minutes at least. :)