My Life Now

My cousin Russ showed my how he could rub his penis and make this white stuff come out. He said it felt great. I thought something was wrong with him. But I had to try.

I babysat for a couple and the man had an enormous stack of Playboys. I’d sit for hours flipping thru the mags looking at images of women. My cock would get hard and I’d get blue balls. Of course I didn’t know what that was at the time. But the ache needed to be relieved so I tried rubbing my penis the way my cousin Russ showed me.

When I got to the point of no return, I got scared and stopped. But then I orgasmed anyway. Out flew this wonderful hot, thick, white cum. Splat, splat, splat it landed on my belly. I was breathing so heavily then. But it felt great. I had to try it again.

Of course I had no idea that there was a refractory period, so I thought I must have broken something. After a while I got hard again and started again. 

I didn’t know I could have used a lube. I just went at it with a dry hand. I’m circumcised so I really could have benefitted from some lotion. I rubbed myself raw a few times and had to stop masturbating for a few days. In my adolescent mind, I was being punished for my sin.

No matter. I just kept on stroking every chance I got. 

One day Russ and I were exploring a building site and crept into the crawl space. Leaning against the block wall, he pulled out some folded magazine pages. Then he pulled out his cock and started pulling on it. I leaned over to see the naked pictures. He grabbed me and pulled my head down and told me to suck his cock.

I fought myself free and nothing more happened. The odd thing is, I would have done just that. I loved seeing his hard shaft and his purple, swollen head with that clear fluid leaking at the tip. It was the rude way he pulled my head down and made me do it. I was so confused that I dared not admit it to him.

Not long after that, my friend Clyde and I were looking at some stolen Playboys. He pulled his cock out and started stroking it. It was hard and long and strong rising from a thatch of dark hair. I could not take my eyes off it. And the longer I looked, the more I got aroused. 

Again I was so close to being able to touch it, to make it cum by my own hand. But the moment passed.

I never tried again. I just found myself looking at nude men and women equally, aroused and eager. My favorite pictures and films were ones with Peter North. So much cum. So much cum. And such a beautiful cock. The women were beautiful, but his cock was mesmerizing.

I also found myself attracted by a wide variety of sex acts. The day I found a video of Nina Hartley and a guy who licked her lovely ass, I exploded. I wanted to lick her ass too. 

I’m an old guy now. I lament lost opportunities to play with a man’s cock. I once visited a video arcade that had a window so you could watch and be watched. I chickened out, and left. And then got angry with myself for yet another missed chance.

I am grateful for this site and the chance to tell my story. I’ve read other stories by men who are just as fluid in the sexual desires. I’m not alone. 

These days I get up early in the morning and go to video sites and find men I can masturbate watching. I especially like the ones where a man eats his own cum, licks it off a woman’s breasts and face. I like the scenes of men who bend themselves and then cum on their own faces. The feeling of my own hot cum splashing on my face it such a delight. I can’t help it. I’m just aroused easily, even at my age.

 Today I bought a six inch natural looking dildo. I intend to play with it as I would a real cock. Call it practice for the day I get to take a real cock in my hands and place my lips on it, to worship it and let him come all over my face. 

I’m hard now, just writing this remembrance and sharing it with you. And proud to share my story hoping it helps someone else.