My First Semen Analysis

The first time I jacked off at the sperm clinic, I was nervous. And a bit ashamed. And a lot excited.

After all, everybody knew why I was there – to jerk off into a cup. Even so, I was so looking forward to it.

We wife and I had been married for 5 years and had been trying to have children for the last year and a half. My wife had talked with our family doctor about it and he referred her to a gynecologist. He also recommended that, as somewhere around half the time it was the man who was the problem, I should get tested. I didn’t think I had a problem but, hey, who knows. I said I would get tested.

So here I was, on the way home from work one day, walking into a fertility clinic. A little jittery from all the rush hour traffic, a lot more jittery from the whole situation. After all, I was there to jerk off into a cup and everybody there knew it.

There were just a couple of women in the waiting room. I checked in with the receptionist, who took my name and asked me to have a seat “until the room is available.”

Oooo-kay.

I sat for a few minutes. A man came from the rear of the office and, joined by one of the women waiting, left. I knew what he’d been doing.

The receptionist called my first name. She escorted me around a corner and into a moderately-sized room – about 9 x 12. The room contained a leather recliner, an aging couch, and a coffee table strewn with a lot of magazines. She showed me an adjoining restroom. It had a toilet and a shower. I was surprised by the shower. I thought, “Whoa – this is a high-class joint!”

The receptionist then handed me a plastic cup with a lid and provided instructions: Follow the instructions on the wall, put the lid on the cup, write my name on the label on the cup and the time the sample was “produced,” and leave it on a particular shelf outside the door.

“Lock the door when I leave,” she said. “No one will bother you. Let me know when you’ve finished.”

She left.

I took a deep breath and read the instructions on the wall: Wash hands and penis with soap and water and dry with paper towel. Direct entire sample into cup.

At least the cup wasn’t a test tube. Not sure I could aim that well in the heat of the moment. Should be able to put all my jizz in the cup. I picked up a pen and wrote my name on the label. I’d put the time on it later.

I was still nervous, but I remembered I had told my wife I would do this. I was doing this for us. It’s not that I never jerk off but being married meant some sacrifices so our times together could be more special, more complete. Especially when trying to make a baby. 

Today’s jerking was different.It was okay to pleasure myself in the name of science. That thought steadied my nerves. “I’m doing this for science,” I thought to myself.

I stripped off all my clothes and set them on the chair. I wasn’t exactly hard yet, but not flaccid anymore either. Sitting on the couch, I took the lid off the cup and set both the cup and the lid on the table. Inspecting the magazines, I picked up onethat looked promising.

Ahhhh . . . some great porn to help me get in the mood. I started leafing through the magazine, absently touching my penis and balls. My nervousness and shame were pushed to the far recesses of my mind as primal urges surfaced and I began stroking my increasingly solid cock. I’m a grower, not a show-er, so what started out as a 3-inch limp dick was now approaching 6 inches of rock-solid cock.

I turned a few more pages and the urgency to pleasure myself increased. Pre-cum started oozing from the tip of my cock and I used it to coat my cock, making it easier to glide my hand up and down the shaft.

A few more pages and my attention focused more and more on the urgent sexual sensations than on the writhing naked bodies frozen in time and space before me. Faster and faster my hand jerked, faster and faster my heart beat, faster and faster my breath came. My balls tightened up as did my entire body in anticipation of my impending orgasm.

And then . . . release! I suppressed a loud cry as my “sample” spurted into the plastic cup. Even in the throes of cumming, I had enough presence of mind to not want people outside the room hear me. With a muffled “mmmppff,’ five ropes of semen shot into the cup. Mostly.

My tense body relaxed. My heavy breathing evened out. Oh how I love science!

I scraped the last dribbles of cum from my penis tip into the cup and screwed on the lid. Glancing at my watch, I wrote the time on the label as instructed.

After rinsing the goo off my dick and putting my clothes back on, I placed the sample cup on the designated shelf and left. I drove home in a bit of a daze. My wife met me at the door and gave me a big hug.

Seven years later we adopted our first son. Eight years later we brought our second son home.