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Masturbation as an Olympic Sport?

Posted by: SoloTouchArchive Author: irishred Posted on: 11 Dec 2003 1 comments
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Masturbation as an Olympic SportAn open letter to all Whisperinglily friends.Masturbation as an Olympic SportAn open letter to all Whisperinglily friends.As most of you know 2004 is an Olympic year with thousands of the world's best athletes participating in over a hundred sports. Many of those sports are thousands of years old, running, throwing, swimming to mention just a few. So why not the sport we all know and love, one of the oldest, if not the oldest in the world, masturbation? Many of us, male and female alike feel that we are Olympic Class masturbators; some may even consider themselves professionals. WL represents a very diverse cross section of the world involving many races, religions and sexual preferences but we all hold one thing self-evident, we love to masturbate and we do it well and we are proud.Therefore I recommend that Chris petition the International Olympic Committee to have the first ever masturbation exhibition sport. Yes ladies and gentlemen it's time we had our own sport and are represented on the world stage of sport. Why, just think about it, every athlete, judge, TV, radio, press reporter and fan world wide will be jerking or jilling off some time during the Olympics. So why not us and why are we not represented by our own team or teams. Yes, I can see a men's and women's team and maybe even a mixed doubles team. We can have straight, gay, lesbian, transvestite and whatever combinations there are. The point is WE CAN AND SHOULD BE REPRESENTED! If the Olympic Committee allows Curling, Rowing, Ping Pong, Beach Volley Ball, Bowling and the Biathlon, why not jerk & jill-a-thons? If there is the pentathlon and decathlons why not have races for those who are multi-orgasmic? We have been under represented for years and I think it's about time that Chris picks up the baton and runs with it. And if the world body does not let us in then we can stage worldwide protest marches by putting our hands in our pants and marching proudly down the main streets of the world. Rather than having sit-ins to close public buildings to voice our protests we will stage stroke ins. (being careful of not making those marble floors too slippery of course, safety first)My feeling is that if we get in as an exhibition (not-exhibitionist) sport for this year we'll have a full ride forever. Masturbators Rule can be our slogan! We could even form a union although I think that unions are ruining America, but not for me to decide. But if the IOC lets in the WL team(s) we do have a few problems and issues to discuss such as:*What will our team names be? We just can't be referred to as "The Jerk-Offs or the Jill-Offs, or as the Brits would call us 'The Wankers'."*What will our team uniforms look like and can OP design them for us?*How about team colors?*What will our team flag look like and what logo will it bear?*What will our team cheer be? "Stroke it, yeah stroke it, you really got to stroke it. GGGGOOOOOO Jerk-Offs! Yeah, yeah." I don't think so.*Will we have size minimum and maximum limits for the guys?*Can we get a major sponsorship from the KY Jelly folks, Nike maybe?*Should there be a power tool division for the ladies?*Judging for and penalties for faking an orgasm, mainly for the ladies?*Can dj get cigars for the winners?*How will we march into the stadium and what will our playing field look like?*Will CNN, NBC, ABC and the others be allowed close ups of...?*So many questions, so few answers.My friends, as you can see we have a lot to discuss before Chris is ready to present this global concept to the IOC in a few months. So I urge you, write Chris with your thoughts, comments, feelings and rationales. The poor guy can't continue to do it all by himself. As much as we all love him, he needs an experienced team who is not afraid of hands-on efforts. You might also write your government representatives, what the hell, we all know they're a bunch of jerk-offs; they can sympathize with our cause. I rest my case, go for it Chris. It's in your hands.Irishred