Learning to Enjoy Anal Pleasure

I've been visiting Solotouch for well over 10 years, ever since stumbling across it in the early days of the internet when I was a teenager. I even contributed some stories that are probably in the depths of the archives. I think it's not only valuable as a site for titillation, but also as a place people can come and read about the experiences of others and perhaps find out more about themselves in the process, particularly in those years in our lives when we are uncertain of who we are. So, the point of this was for me to contribute to that in a way by explaining a little about my own masturbation experience and sexuality, particularly my development as a male that enjoys anal stimulation. My first memories relating to my sexuality go back to my pre-teen years when, as a young boy, I was curious about my body. On a few occasions I can recall stripping naked with a friend and touching each other. We didn't really know what we were doing and it wasn't overtly sexual, mainly just curious. I can specifically recall smelling my friend's underwear one time and thinking that it smelled nice. I have wondered if such a small moment influenced me as an adult to have a panty fetish. As I grew older those memories haunted me, and caused me to question my sexuality. Did such acts mean that I was gay? At the time this was a scary thought, and it was one that seemed to keep coming up. I first found out about masturbation when I was 12. I can't honestly remember the exact circumstances that led me to figuring it out, but I'm pretty sure the internet was involved. Like most people, my first few times were particularly difficult. I was able to achieve an orgasm (although no semen at that stage), but was left feeling extremely guilty and deflated afterwards. It was a cycle of building sexual tension, relief in the form of masturbation, followed immediately by guilt and the vow to never do it again. I've never really understood where those feelings of guilt came from, but I came to learn that a lot of people experience it. Gradually those feelings of guilt went away, and I would be left with that satisfied after-glow. I also began to produce semen, which in some ways made it more fun, but also made things a lot messier. I'd started frequenting chat rooms and making numerous internet friends, some of which were sexual while others were just innocent friendships. This led to experiences with roleplay and cybersex, and I can recall encouraging and being encouraged to masturbate by girls I would chat with. I would also visit sites like Solotouch and read stories while I masturbated, and eventually started to write my own stories. I became a pretty avid masturbator, and would take almost any opportunity to get online and 'chat' with my friends. One time when I was deep in to a cybersex session with a girl, she told me to stick a finger in my ass. It was something that I had never tried, but I can only assume that I was so horny I was willing to try anything. So I did it. And I kind of liked it. It became something that I would do on occasion with girls that were into it, and I found it particularly erotic due to how naughty I felt. I remember progressing to inserting a small shampoo bottle (the kind you get at hotels) which I'd found in our bathroom cabinet. But this raised a new kind of guilt and uncertainty. I thought it was weird for a man to like anal play. I wondered again if this made me gay. As a young teenager, I didn't understand my own sexual pleasures and it scared me. Things progressed and I just tended to ignore those broader questions about who I was. I did what I did because it felt good, that was all that mattered. I continued to explore my fantasies and fetishes online, becoming involved with women that were in to BDSM. I found that I enjoyed being both dominant and submissive, but found myself exploring more of my submissive side. Online in those scenarios I felt young, cute and playful, which was nothing like my real life persona. I think part of me really craved the attention and affection, as I did not have any real life sexual experiences until my late teens. I continued to include anal play as part of my regular masturbation, and I'd often finger myself in the shower. I'd even taken to inserting larger objects such as the handle of a hairbrush, candles and larger shampoo bottles. It was something that gave me strong and fast orgasms, and the idea of having a woman play with my ass was a big turn on. But the question of what it meant as a man to enjoy anal was still something that bothered me. As I read more stories online and spoke to more people, I came to understand just how common anal play was for men. It wasn't exactly mainstream, but seemed to be a typical fetish. It makes sense to me now that anal stimulation is pleasurable for men, especially factoring in prostate stimulation. Looking back on things I realise it took me a long time to separate the joys of anal pleasure from homosexuality. It seemed that I'd been instilled with this fear of being homosexual since I was young, which I hope as a society we have outgrown. I had to learn that homosexuality wasn't about anal pleasure, it was about love. I'm now a lot more comfortable with exploring the pleasures of anal stimulation. While my wife isn't interested in it, she has allowed me to purchase toys for myself. Occasionally when I'm alone I take out my toys and play with my ass while I masturbate, and I'm reminded of those years as a teenager when I first learned how good it could feel.