Jim is interested in becoming a brother, but can he give up Self Abuse? Fiction based on a true story.
By the ’70s the Catholic church already had a problem with the low number of boys feeling the vocation to the religious life.
Jim thought he might have a vocation and so attended an event at the brothers’ house when he was 16 or so. The house was Victorian with lots of polished wood and stained glass and high ceilings. Nuns cooked and cleaned for the brothers. This included general talks about what the life involved – training to be a teacher and the giving up of having a family.
The meat of the event was in fact one-to-one meetings between the head brother (I can’t remember his official title) and the boy with the possible vocation.
“Jim, tell me about your vocation.”
“I would like to serve God by being a brother in this community.”
“Being a brother isn’t the only way of serving God. Many young men have vocations to be good Catholic fathers and that’s fine.”
“I’ve never felt a calling in that direction.”
“If you enter the religious life, it would be years before you needed to make a final decision. We wait until 16 so that most of the boys are through puberty, and more able to know whether their desire to become fathers is likely to make entrance to the religious life impossible. Are you through puberty, Jim?”
“Yes, Father. My voice has broken and my body has changed from a boy’s into a young man’s.”
“That is a wondrous change, Jim. Many young men struggle with impure thoughts at this time in their lives. Is that an issue for you?”
“Yes, Father.”
“Do you commit any impure deeds when you’re having those thoughts, Jim? This is in complete confidence and will not affect your application.”
Jim still knew that if he said he’d committed homosexual acts, that would be the end of it. Ironically, it is also possible that heterosexual acts were more of a problem for the church as they sometimes left embarrassing evidence in the form of children.
“Yes, Father. At first I just had dreams followed by nocturnal emissions. Then I found it was pleasurable to touch myself when emissions were starting, as I knew that would lead to a full orgasm. I told the priest about it in confession and he said that such selfish sexual pleasure was a Mortal Sin and so I stopped doing it.”
“That must have required a lot of will power, Jim. Self Abuse is indeed a serious sin, Jim. Onanists cannot become brothers.”
Jim must have looked puzzled, as the head brother explained: “Onan is a man in the Old Testament. The customs were different in those times, and when a brother died his younger brother had a responsibility to lie with his wife and give the dead brother an heir. Onan lay with his brother’s wife, but just enjoyed physical union with her, withdrawing his penis from her vagina, committing Self Abuse and wasting his seed on the ground each time. This was both for selfish sexual pleasure and out of fear that his brother’s wife’s heir would have an advantage when compared with his own heir. And so God struck him dead.”
“Jim, there is one last question I do need to ask you and this one may affect your application. Have you ever committed a sexual act with another person?”
“No, Father.”
Jim enjoyed his trips to the brothers’ house where he was always treated kindly. He confessed the Sin of Onan to the priest, but not to the Sin of Sodom.
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