I Like Big Bottles And I Cannot Lie!

     I was a late bloomer with respect to sex, though certainly with respect to masturbation. 

     So, you might imagine that as a virgin in my early 20s (I'd had some limited experience with girls, but no actual penetrative sex of any type; though I was to learn that I was quite adept at providing very satisfying manual stimulation to my partners, a skill which I had pretty much taken for granted until being informed several years later, that, no, it was NOT something every got "got"), I was rather interested in: a) new ways to masturbate; and b) masturbating in a way that simulated sex. Meaning I was really keen for the chance to "mount" something and shove my dick into it. When my buddies were getting motivated by the most recent Playboy or Penthouse to appear in our little group of appreciative young lads, I was more intent on contemplating various inanimate objects with an eye towards copulating with them. 

     I'd done the baggie with lube thing in quite a few ways over the years. (It's very handy, by the way. With a ziplock you could, if you wanted - not saying that you would - squirt a little lube in the baggie, seal it, slip it in another baggie, seal that, and uh, maybe put it in your coat pocket or backpack when you went out and about, you know, just in case the opportunity presented itself.... But I digress.) And by my junior year in college, I had gotten a bit jaded. I mean, sure it felt good, but regardless of the situation, where that soft slippery crevice was situated, or the position I had to adopt to enter it, when I was actually fucking it, it pretty much felt the same each time. Nothing wrong with it, but when I was getting off with a makeshift orifice, I wasn't fantasizing, but concentrating solely on the physical sensations. So, after a while, yeah. A little variety in that regard was something I was craving. 

     I've written elsewhere about solo sex with fruit and I might have more to say about that, but before I'd explored the plant kingdom for sexual release I had a couple of other experiences that I'll relate to you. 

     These two are related because they involved both the most uncommon of things, a solid cylindrical orifice which fit me in just such a way as to provide an extremely pleasurable experience for my penis and an object large enough that I could actually mount it, rather than just stoke with it. I'm sure I'm not the only guy who'd lamented the inadequacy of TP rolls, the various mouths and necks of bottles, jars and vases that were either two tight or too loose to provide any sort of pleasurable stimulation, or the paucity of objects that were big enough to actually "fuck". "Humping" was another thing; there were plenty of things that could provide a very pleasurable experience of that sort. But if you wanted to be INSIDE something, that was a bit tougher to manage. Particularly so in the days before the Fleshlight, knockoffs, and the Internet where a wide variety of soft, squishy thingies with which a guy could stroke or screw became available. Yeah, back then there was the "pocket pussy" and, well, in contrast to today's acceptance of the Fleshlight, those things were just thought of as nasty. Oh, your friend might admit to having one, and you wouldn't disown him for it. But you'd think actually using it was disgusting, though you'd of course wonder what it felt like.  And then cringe a little inside.  

     So, if you wanted something to actually fuck, but weren't going to sink to the level of using a pocket pussy, you had to get creative. And finding something that properly fit you for that purpose, if that's how you wanted to roll, well, it was the Holy Grail of masturbation, akin to those nights my 3 or 4 buddies when they all were in the room across the hall with the lights out at 2 a.m. after finding the senior girl in the next dorm over didn't close her shade when she had sex. Yeah, I'd been invited. But that was a little too communal for me, but I didn't fault them for it. 

     I just liked to do myself on my own.

     For me, my first discovery along the lines that I have described had been purely fortuitous. I'd been in the library on the upper floor of the science building one night around midnight, being duly studious, when I'd gone downstairs to the hall to get a drink at the water cooler. I was filling my cup and looked down and there was an empty five gallon carboy beside it. I almost didn't pay it any mind but, my brain was always, at some level thinking about "it". I mean, I'd already fucked the couch in the library upstairs. Not this night, but on another night, yup. More than once I'd undone my belt, shoved down my pants and stroked off sitting in one of the overstuffed leather chairs. It was my sometimes reward after a productive late night study session, and I'd already kinda been thinking that I'd probably maybe do it later that night.

     I looked again at the large, blueish plastic bottle and my mind went to pondering the possibility. It had a mouth with about a four-five inch neck before it opened into the bottle. I picked it up. Felt the opening. Smooth. (Always sucked to find a bottle or jar that would fit my dick only to discovery that the inner edge of the mouth was sharp. Fuck!) And that long stretch of neck... Geeze, could I? And the bottle was pretty big, too, something to hold on to. Yeah, sure, I thought, but would I fit? I gave the mouth & neck the two-finger test, was it the right diameter? Whoa, it... might... be. I looked around, automatically, as I realized I'd just finger-banged a giant bottle. (Oh, so pathetic!) I knew I was the only one there. Why more people didn't study there, I couldn't figure. It was quiet and didn't have those glaring bright fluorescent lights like the main library, just some incandescent lamps. A couple big tables to spread out your work. And some really comfy chairs and a couch. Though I hadn't used any of those for studying.... 

     I know a couple of the girls thought the place was too dark & creepy. That suited me just fine. Getting walked in on making vigorous  love to the leather sofa would have been, well, let's just say "Not. Good." z

     OK, I still had a lab write-up to finish, so... maybe later. I did manage to put it out of my mind for the next hour as I finished up my work. That I'd masturbate after, either here or back in my room, wasn't even a question. I was 20 years old. I pretty much did it very day. But, I'd honestly found my occasional attempts at object fucking as an adult to be pretty disappointing. And there was also this nagging feeling that even wanting to do it, with a giant bottle, and, just the desire to stick my penis into something, instead of just using my hand, the NORMAL way, was kinda pathetic. But fucking the couch was pretty much like humping your bed or your pillow, and I knew guys did that, right? But it wasn't something I was proud of (though it was damn good!)

     When I had finished my work that evening, my mind quickly went to getting off. I thought about just fucking the couch again. The gap between the leather cushions worked just fine and all it needed was spit. (I usually used hand lotion back then to jack-off but I was afraid that might leave stains on the leather, so I'd just used spit.) But I thought I should at least see if I could fit in the neck of the carboy. Probably, I wouldn't, though: it's be too loose or too tight. Then I could forget about it and I'd just do it the regular way, no biggie. 

     Five minutes later I'd dropped my pants and with carboy resting on the table, I lubed up my already hardening penis, lined up, and slid myself into the neck of the bottle. It was smooth and slick and of course, yeah, I fit now because I wasn't fully hard yet. I told myself not to get too excited as I started to pump in and out. OK... it felt good and I stiffened up pretty quick and ...Oh, Holy shit! it fits, like...perfectly! 

     No way?!

     FUCK YES WAY!!! 

     I actually fit inside it! I was now fully erect and the neck caressed my whole penis as I slid in and out, my head and just the end of my shaft exiting the bottom of the neck on each stroke. It was just tight enough and smooth and wet and slippery with the lotion and I gently pushed in until my pelvis hit the mouth of the bottle then pulled back all the way and pushed forward again, over and over and over and it was... exquisite! I spent several minutes standing and pumping into the thing, moving the bottle slightly, changing the angle of the mouth and neck as I thrust in and out, putting pressure on different points of my penis as I thrust. 

     God, it was GOOD! 

     Still inside it, I turned from the table and pants at my ankles, shuffled over to the couch, dropped to my knees and attempted to make with it doggy-style, but the height and angle weren't right and despite my diligent efforts, I couldn't comfortably fuck it that way. Turning again, I gently eased down to lay on my side on the rug and, back now toward the sofa, and still shoved inside the bottle, begin the fuck it as I lay on my side. This worked much better but as the lotion began to lose it's slippery-ness and I started to stick as pulled back from the bottle, rather than getting up and leaving my comfortable position, I tried adding spit to the lotion already on my penis and thus wetted pushed back in again and, damn, but if it didn't feel even better! The lubrication was not so thick now, and I began to pump faster and a bit harder into the bottle and adjusting the angle again as I did before I found a position where on the end of each stroke the edge of bottom of the neck as it opened into the bottle would press against my frenulum as it passed over it  and it would catch the edge of my glans when I pulled back, making me shiver each time. Shuddering now with each thrust, I worked myself into a near frenzy, concentrating on hitting that spot just right, again and again again, then pulled back into the neck of the tube, or shoved all the way forward and just gently rocked inside it or held still for a few minutes until I'd calmed down, then found that pleasurable spot again and repeated the process, over and over, adding a little spit a few times to keep up the slippery-ness.

     I lay there, curled around that carboy and must have fucked it for over half an hour, coming so close over and over until I'd accidently gone too far after just having applied more spit and then knowing my "O" was imminent and unavoidable, and that I'd ruin it if I tried to hold it off again, I held the bottle steady and began just railing the thing with fast, full strokes, my belt buckle jingling and my boots knocking against the floor and the couch as tried to get some purchase to drive my hips harder and it suddenly felt soooo fucking good all over my penis for thrust after thrust aft.... then BOOOOOOOM!!! the orgasm that hit me was like nothing I'd felt before, my hole body shook with the waves of pleasure and I clutched that big plastic bottle as I swooned and I and could feel each spasm inside me and my semen coursing through my penis and then spurting out inside of it. The feelings were so strong I was actually stunned that my orgasm could feel that good and go for so long (as I guy "so long" means only a few extra seconds more than usual...but those extra two "waves" of pleasure and accompanying gasps are soooo worth it!) and as I, finally, eased out of that ecstatic phase and started just working my penis, slowly now, gently, back and forth inside the carboy's neck, enjoying all the little pleasant tingles it was now giving me I had some trouble accepting the realization that, now 20 years old and at one of the best institutions of higher learning, alone in 100 year old building at 1:30 a.m., I'd just lain on the floor, with my pants around my ankles for the past half-hour, shoving my penis in and out of a big, blue plastic bottle. 

And it had been the most pleasurable thing I'd ever felt.