My relationship with porn has been a LONG one. I know I was young when I first saw it, and was hooked. I remember when i was 15/16 I told my mom I’ve been watching porn and felt awful about it ,and for years I hadn’t watched it again. Until I became an adult, the beginnings of my twenties. Now back then I started to know that porn was entertainment and not the real deal. So when I got back into, I looked at it as entertainment. Masturbating to it in my twenties felt different. It felt “better” but something was missing.
During the last years of me being on tumblr, I had a community there that showed me real connections. When I would get pictures or vids of people showing themselves to me and their touching themselves in the state of pleasure, the trust that they gave me, for them to be vulnerable with me, I remember saying to myself , this is the feeling that you’ve been searching for when you watch porn. And y’all… that was it. Masturbating now, I want to be sincere and not doing it cause I’m bored. I want my release to make me creative or have clarity. I want this feeling with someone not just over the internet but face to face. Masturbating is a connection to yourself and sharing that with someone and them sharing it with me is what I want.
On this site it’s the vulnerable and trust I read. And the pics or chats I’ve been having. Now I do watch porn but barely. I don’t care for it and I give myself some grace if I do watch it.
Thanks for reading I hope my think piece is okay to post it’s just I’ve been really thinking about this and this site is helping me. So thanks again.
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