Born Again Adolescent Solo Pleasure

How did I get here? I’ve discovered sex at 49, yes sex, with the greatest love of all MYSELF!!! Yep masturbation, that forbidden stigmatised word, and I’m fucking loving it. It feels so wonderful and just good that no words I type can justify. 

Maybe it’s because the change is about to hit me, it’s pre started trust me, used to be clockwork, now I’m all over the place. 

Most people who know me know that my love life is non eventful, there’s been literally no one since my late former fiancé in 2002. I’ve had a few first dates, none turned into second. Most also know I’ve identified as Catholic Christian, now only Catholic with a question mark over modern-day Christians (for the most not all), as most seem to be quite toxic at least online, and as an unmarried person, it doesn’t seem to serve a place outside of those with partners or families. I’m no 5th wheel.

All I know is that my clitoris started getting aroused a few months and even more so recently, and I’ve enjoyed the experience and found it ultimately pleasuring. It has released endorphins, it has fastened the metabolism, it has energised me, it has put the biggest grin on my face.

When my pilot light turned on, I started researching on how to take responsibility for this new found pleasure as the delight just wouldn’t leave me. Google searches bought up all the typical porn sites, yes, I had a look, for me it felt a tad cheap and my pussy, called Pearl whist horny (prefer the word excited or pilot light being on), was not joyfully aroused with the rest of her body, heart and soul, at least for us. If you are reading and this offends you, that’s okay, this is my perception. However, Pearl needed to be heard, and it wasn’t going to be this way. Few more failed internet searches occurred. I also know what the majority of religion says about masturbation, if you reading that have that position, that’s fine too, read on or ignore, this is my perception. However, I knew that my new found pleasure needed to be addressed, in fact embraced, I started praying again. I know this sensation is my body’s flow, it is biological and it needs to be nurtured. When I read some anti masturbation post online going on about the temple of the Holy Spirit, all of a sudden, I got my lightbulb moment. I got my green light to continue this solo sensual relationship of self-pleasure touch. Love my body, nurture my body, enjoy this chapter of my life of self-love. Seize it. Honour it. Pleasure it. Feel it. Touch it. Stroke it. Savour it. Born again adolescence less the mean girls bullies has been embraced.

It occurred to me, perhaps if people embraced self-love with themselves, maybe, just maybe, it could be a real step towards healing and forgiveness. Trauma is everywhere. Our western society is in one big hurry. Sex education sure didn’t tell us about the delight of masturbation, I don’t remember being taught about it at all. I think I read about it in Dolly. Oh, then there’s the majority of Christian’s take on it, a sexual sin. Okay, fine, they can have their position, but I’ll have mine. I make no apologies and never will again except to my higher power if it is warranted. Other movements such as schools, workplaces, health clinics, hospitals, socials have all disservice this wonderful tool. Maybe because some of them would go out of business when people discover this pleasure. Maybe not. I’ve been enjoying this relationship, no smut, just joy and happiness. Maybe if more people were educated and had a good relationship with their body, they wouldn’t be hurting themselves or others. Am I excusing this, no, however these actions of abuse are being committed by others who have likely not discovered their self-pleasure? Self-pleasure makes me want to serve others, self-pleasure makes me want to work harder at work, self-pleasure makes me want to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better me all round to all. Self-pleasure has made me start praying again. Self-pleasure is making me thank God for all the blessings in my life. Pearl led me back to God. So, if all that’s a dirty sin, please explain. I’m not saying that everyone needs to masturbate, not at all, some I believe may not have that need, for whatever reason, be it celibacy, meeting a partner young in life and being blessed with a good spouse, the need may not be there. Their body may not require it. That’s for them to work out. This is for me.

Is this my happily ever after? Who knows? I’m enjoying here and now. I’ll have days where Pearl wants too just be, that’s cool. I know she’ll be back for more. Right now, she’s not left me, and it’s amazing.

Five months later April 2022

I’m now 50 and fucking fabulously in love with myself as a solo sexual pan romantic. I’m still on my honeymoon, thankfully I’ve met a few networks, some I pleasure with but no camera on genitals, some we just discuss the experience whilst pleasuring. I’ve read Sex for One by the famous Betty Dodson, I came when reading it. Felt so like I belonged reading it with the joy of solo sex. It feels good to touch in bed, peaceful, safe and content. Sometimes my wife gets excited when I think of her and I acknowledge her presence and embrace her making me feel aroused. I honour and love my life, I honour my queen, my pussy, my wife, my love, my breasts and the sync we are in. Bought my first toy in December in person in another city so no one would see me go into the sex shop. My wife loves it.  I have now accumulated a lovely toy collection that my wife (Pearl) and I enjoy, sometimes she’s not in the mood, I lovingly feel and stroke her and respect her wisdom, I also feel and massage my breasts and fiddle with the nipples every day, living alone I love to be braless to touch my girls. Every time I climax, I die and go to heaven. Now I am blessed to know I am not alone. 

Happy pleasuring, I honour you the reader, I honour your jewels, the Yoni, the penis, the wife, the husband, the Queen, the King, the breasts, the nipples and skin. I honour how much pleasure it gives me; I honour how much pleasure it gives you the reader.