A Few Man-to-man Experiences And My Thoughts About Them

I recently admitted to my female therapist that when I'm not dating women, I explore sexuality with men. I wondered what this meant to me. I went on to say I'm not actually attracted to men and don't want relationships with them, but once I'm aroused I enjoy sex with them. She concluded that I am "fluid", meaning that I'm a straight guy but can swing the other way when my body has the urge. She assured me that it's healthy and that I should continue with it, provided I do it in a safe way. I decided that journaling about it is a great way of understanding this better as I continue. So I have been, and it's been great. Today I decided to journal here in hopes it may help other men going through the same thing. Hope it helps! Here's today's journal entry:

I've been frequenting the same adult bookstore which has been fun, but it's far away. Last night I tried a new one that's setup differently. The old one had small video booths with small benches which were not very comfortable. When I'm there, I eventually take off all of my clothes because I like being seen this way, it's very exciting. I think part of this is a exhibitionism because I'm aroused by showing my naked body off to older men. I find that doing this with no talking is more erotic for me because talking can be distracting. Plus, non-verbal communication like body language is animalistic.

The typical session is like this: I find an older man sitting alone in a booth with nobody else around, so I go to a booth across the way so we can see each other. Porn is playing so I'm already aroused. We’re both clothed…waiting for the other to expose his cock. One of us finally does and then the other does. We both get hard and stroke together from a distance. One approaches the other to get a closer look and usually enters the booth. As we stroke, the clothes come off and I eventually get totally naked. I like this because I get to show off the most private parts of my body to a stranger, my cock and ass. The other man gets excited by this. I work out a lot so they almost always tell me I have a great body.

They usually reach out to touch my thigh, and I let them...then my cock which feels great. The whole time my eyes go from the porn on the screen, to the man's hands on my cock, to his hard cock. Sometimes they want to suck it and I always let them. About 50% of them seem new to it and it doesn't go very long. Another 25% are pretty good and I sometimes cum that way, and then there are the other 25% that really know what they're doing and I cum very hard. About 5% of them thrust their fingers up my ass, and every once in a while a man will lick my asshole and stroke me as I lift my legs and ass high up off the bench.

It's been good but the benches are uncomfortable and booths are cramped, so I've been looking around. I found a spot nearby that's a club actually, inside of an adult store. You pay $20 to get in and they buzz you into a back area that has 3 rooms. Each room plays different porn with chairs all around. The lighting is dim which I like. So I went last night for the first time and was pleased to find about 15 men wandering around jerking off. I sat down and eventually pulled my cock out. I had been to full size theaters which have been great too, but this was more intimate because of the smaller setting. I found that when I was in an area where there was only one older man, I was most aroused. He would look at me closely while he stroked, and I would pull my pants and underwear all the way down and stroked openly. When men my age approached I was not interested, not really sure why either. When groups of men approached I felt intimidated. So, I think I like one-on-one action the best.

I was there on a Friday night so maybe if I go on an off night, I can enjoy a session with one man in there. I'm also beginning to think that getting a regular partners would be fun to try and easier to manage.  I suppose an older, married man who isn't getting sex at home, and is horny. I imagine the safest way to do this is meet at this club a few times to see if they seem trustworthy, and share email addresses, etc. Eventually once it seemed safe, split a motel room. I'd like to do this so I can lay down naked on a bed and have him suck me off comfortably. I'd also like to have us both totally naked as we're on our knees, and have him fuck me up the ass as he strokes me off.