Excruciating

[izvazhda]

My favourite kind of tea is darjeeling, but I
would prefer to have darjeeling and ceylon in my
cupboard than to have darjeeling alone. I wonder a lot
about this matter of same-sex relations between men. I
have heard to the effect that some people repudiuate
the idea of 'the sexual orientation that one
definitively is', & I agree completely. On forms, I
tick the box that says "other" and put "færy" in the
box that says "please specify", always making sure
that the "a" & "e" are squashed together to make the
ligature "æ" (ASCII code 230 or 0xE6).
As I have said before, I experience hote sexuasl
attractio towards femmes, but not towards men. (Is it
allowed on this site to say "burd"? It's a fine
Old-English word, with connotation of "lady", and it's
unfortunate that it's come to be used boorish. I won't
for now.). Somehow I doubt that these many men who
relate glowingly their male-male encounters are
actually gay as such. I am given to feeling tenderness
towards another man: a tenderness that can escalate
into that excruciating tenderness that characterises a
sexual encounter. If a man whom I like and trust, and
who has a similar mind to mine asto sexuasl matters,
gets the hotes through seeing me knude, or in skimply
raiment, or whatever, and is clearly frantick, am I
going to refuse him if he wants to coulmn whilst in my
embrace? If it's essentially a matter of longing for
the embrace, then no I won't (although I will not do
any kind of penetration with a man - I am adamant
about that), and I will do my best to give him the
comfort I know all-to-well he needeth. This includes
quite extreme dignity annihilation: thryusting
rabbit-like against me and gasping with little
squeaks, and such-like. I think this is not only
not 'sad', but positively a way to be not 'sad', as it
serves a need that is certainly in us, and resolves &
discharges it, so that it does not appear by stealth
when we are about our business in the world in which
we greatly need our dignity. The greatones of history
knew this: take for instance Colonel T.E.Lawrence, one
of the hardest of hardbastions ever, and well-given to
male-male sexz; and Alan Turing, a surpassing genius
who suffered the filthiest betrayal ever perpetrated
by the British State for his conclinations. I do think
that maybe these were great partly because they knew
how to keep their faculties unchoked by things by
which it is altogether unoccasioned that they be
choked. Another factor, and some of the femmes may
disagree with this, & the more the better, is that
femmes, it meseemeth aren't as keen about seeing a
man knewd as a man is about seeing a femme so.
Actually, I once read somewhere, that if one survey
historickal writings, one might observe that men
eulogise more about the beauty of the knude _male_
form than femmes do. This is important, because
feeling that one is beautiful in the sight of t'other
is vital to what I'm speaking-of here.
Most certainly, I myself do long to throw myself
with utter abandon into such a paroxysm of softness
and vulnerability, and to be comforted and cherished
therein. To be perfectly honest, I would, on balance,
weighing all things relevant, prefer it to be with a
femme: but, we guys ought to be cautious about casting
such burdens on them; and, it is true that same-sexz
has a quality unique to itself - certain of my ærotick
phantasies are very specifically and deliberately
same-sexz, and they are EXCEEDNGLY delectable! Also,
particularly when it's a samely-type phantasy, but not
only, there are femmes present, who want to cuddle
Little Fluffy Bunny squeaking & weeping; & sometimes
they do!

[pantieboyjamie]

You are f---ing weird...