Male Sexual Fluidity??

[kev607]

As a guy in his 50's, I've thought about this off and on for around 10 years. Last summer I came across an article on a news website entitled something like: "Is there sexual fluidity in males?". It looked at some university studies that tried to answer that question. Studies have been done in the past about female fluidity - a new term for me - about the ability of heterosexual women to be able to give and receive sexual pleasure from another hetero women. Apparently they can and in some studies one of the top 5 or 10 fantasies of heterosexual women is having a same sex experience.

Most studies on hetero men have been inconclusive at this point as most studies have only begun in the last 4-6 years. Several researcher's feel that men have similar fantasies but are much more hesitant to reveal this then women. They say that society in general is much more lenient towards women in this regard, but have a negative view of men, so society plays a major role in many facets of how we view ourselves and others. They claim sexual fluidity actually has little to do with homosexuality or even bisexuality but society views it as such. They seem to think hetero men are more sexually fluid then has previously been thought, its just a matter of men accepting their thoughts and feelings and being truthful in their responses to studies but is difficult to change social programming.

I've noticed on this site and others that there are a lot of male to male stories that most come from hetero men. One of the beauties of the internet is one can be more open and honest without revealing ones identity. I too have wondered if I could actually derive pleasure from a man through mutual masturbation and have seen several instances of men my age that are in a sexless relationship consider trying a same sex experience. Maybe through more discussion, men can express their thoughts and desires like women have done for years.

[jemstone]

As a bisexual man who spends time on chaturbate.com, I have noticed that a great many men indicate on their profile pages that they are "interested in women" (as opposed to other options, including "men, couples, and transexuals"), but who end up watching a guy masturbate. And I do mean a great many men. I suppose this is evidence of the sexual fluidity this forum is about.

[krieger]

I certainly believe that sexuality in general changes and evolves throughout life. Tastes change: a guy might be all about the big boobs in their early twenties, but lean more towards average boobs and more pronounced hips in their thirties. I have a friend who told me about her increasing love of body hair - mirroring her long-term partners increasing body hair. Through most of my teens I was almost entirely straight. Then, in my early twenties, I found myself with a crush on a guy friend of mine. As I've gotten older, I've found several other guys that I've developed sexual desires for, while not losing any of my love of women.

I think fluidity of sexuality is just something that happens, something that changes along with the rest of a person's tastes, opinions, feelings, and - well, personhood. I also agree that this fluidity is much more accepted in women. While it's probably not universal, in my experience most people are happy to accept bisexual women, but men are seen as either gay or straight. This is taken from a fairly narrow sample though - my friendship group, mostly.

[mash2014]

I certainly believe that sexuality in general changes and evolves throughout life. Tastes change: a guy might be all about the big boobs in their early twenties, but lean more towards average boobs and more pronounced hips in their thirties. I have a friend who told me about her increasing love of body hair - mirroring her long-term partners increasing body hair. Through most of my teens I was almost entirely straight. Then, in my early twenties, I found myself with a crush on a guy friend of mine. As I've gotten older, I've found several other guys that I've developed sexual desires for, while not losing any of my love of women.

I think the fluidity of sexuality is just something that happens, something that changes along with the rest of a person's tastes, opinions, feelings, and - well, personhood. I also agree that this fluidity is much more accepted in women. While it's probably not universal, in my experience most people are happy to accept bisexual women, but men are seen as either gay or straight. This is taken from a fairly narrow sample though - my friendship group, mostly.

I recently read in some other thread about bisexuality/heteroamorous. When I was in school I had a crush on a classmate. He was cute. As I grew older I experienced sucking a man. It was a bad experience. Later, I had another sucking session with another man, and it also wasn't pleasant. I blame both unpleasantness on drugs and alcohol. However, there was a young man, younger than me who I thought was beautiful and I found him sexy. I remember I could see his budge and I was about to faint. I was taken but I couldn't pursue that fantasy. I started to see other men as attractive and desirable. A desire to kiss and suck them. I'm not into giving or receiving anal but I do feel some sexual attraction towards some men. I've seen some CUT cocks that I wish to perform on them.
But I also love to be a woman. I love to go down on women. I love their taste and smell. And that's why I started with my first sentence. I believe I am bi/ hetero amorous.

[svengalideck]

Yerp....

[oldfan]

Guess I am sexually fluid. Give some man to Nan sex a try. You may find you love it.

[iamnaked]

Girls take time to percolate.
Guys need a place, nothing more.
Girls turn on slowly. Guys, blink of an eye.
I’ve never considered myself gay.
Stand a not so pretty woman up next to a good looking man and give me a choice, I’ll choose the woman every time.
But If I only have ten minutes the man is the better choice.
Girls, we all know how much fun they are.
Guys, simple and quick, no beating around the bush.
I like both but could only Love a woman so I do not consider myself bi.
But cocks are a fun toy Therefore I consider myself flexible.

[svengalideck]

Girls take time ....
I like both but could only Love a woman so I do not consider myself bi.
But cocks are a fun toy Therefore I consider myself flexible.

I think thoust quoteth too much!
There lies the contradictory evidence in fact, you are________

[iamnaked]

Girls take time ....
I like both but could only Love a woman so I do not consider myself bi.
But cocks are a fun toy Therefore I consider myself flexible.

I think thoust quoteth too much!
There lies the contradictory evidence in fact, you are________

ROFLMAO,, PMSL,, ya know, ye may be right!

[mash2014]

Girls take time to percolate.
Guys need a place, nothing more.
Girls turn on slowly. Guys, blink of an eye.
I’ve never considered myself gay.
Stand a not so pretty woman up next to a good looking man and give me a choice, I’ll choose the woman every time.
But If I only have ten minutes the man is the better choice.
Girls, we all know how much fun they are.
Guys, simple and quick, no beating around the bush.
I like both but could only Love a woman so I do not consider myself bi.
But cocks are a fun toy Therefore I consider myself flexible.

I also don't consider myself gay, bi, or even bicurious. I consider myself to be flexible. I have sucked and been sucked, I've felt sexually attracted to a couple of men, and given the chance I would love to play with a man.
In my 60 plus years I always look at women and maybe a handful of men. 99.999% of my sexual fantasies are with or about women. But I'm not shutting the door to men.

[iamnaked]

I also don't consider myself gay, bi, or even bicurious. I consider myself to be flexible. I have sucked and been sucked, I've felt sexually attracted to a couple of men, and given the chance I would love to play with a man.
In my 60 plus years I always look at women and maybe a handful of men. 99.999% of my sexual fantasies are with or about women. But I'm not shutting the door to men.
[/quote]

Well said, I resemble that remark !

[svengalideck]

I also don't consider myself ....

Well said, I resemble that remark !

No problem from me- tho too much flexibility can be overrated in certain ways....
dec

[blackboxer500]

My understanding is that sexual fluidity refers to changes in sexual identity, orientation, or desire. And apparently some use the term as having to do more with gender than orientation. I’m not 100% clear as to its precise meaning, and not sure that when two given individuals discuss it that they necessarily mean the same thing.

So I’ll just describe my own evolution in sexuality, and leave it to others what to call it.

As I’ve discussed in other threads, when I was young I was friends with another boy who lived in a different city and whose family we were visiting for a couple of nights. He was a year older than I, and he told me about the birds and the bees, although he thought the cock went in the other hole. And not really “in” — he thought the guy just rubbed his cock on the girls butt. And we decided we could do that with each other. He didn’t know about orgasms, and we were too young anyway, but we both loved it. A couple more details on that below.

As I continued to mature, my focus was always on girls, but I kept that same sex experience close in my thoughts. Except for a one time drunken mutual blow job experience with a close friend in college, I was all in on girls. (Looking back, and now knowing things about that male friend that I didn’t know then, I wish I had suggested we continue getting one another off. I now know he would have agreed. But even though he was drop dead gorgeous, it would have been purely orgasm-driven; I could not have fallen in love with him, or any man. That part is still true).

Fantasies inspired by my young same sex experience were not uncommon in all that time, but this was in a day when gay activity was seriously frowned up by society, and so aside from that one exception in college, I effortlessly conformed to heteronormative conduct.

But time went on and now I’m 64, and those unfulfilled longings stemming from my childhood experience have come on stronger. (Thankfully my desire is only for adult guys. Indeed, the desire is only for guys roughly my own age.) I am married for the second time, and to a very open minded woman who doesn’t object to me getting some cock on the side, so long as safer practices were followed. (As for me and another woman, the door has not been closed, but would require much more discussion). (And to complete the picture, I not only would approve of her getting some on the side, she knows I would like it). (And to further complete the picture, her permission actually has the effect of tamping down the possibility of me actually doing it. The freedom she allows is liberating in and of itself)

These days I do long to masturbate with another guy and play with his cock. And when it gets right down to it, it’s not men per se that I long for, it’s hard, ejaculating cocks. I want to rub them, milk them, and suck them. I don’t want to hug and kiss another guy, but would if the other guy wanted it, assuming he’s a good kisser, haha.

And here’s perhaps the most interesting part. Back when I had the experience as a boy, when I learned about sex, when the other boy and I slept together those two nights, after lights were out we rubbed our cocks on each other’s butt for what seemed like hours. The thing was, I liked it as much when he rubbed his cock on my butt me as when I did him. (Again, there was no penetration; we didn’t know about that part).

As I grew older, gay-phobic society made me believe that “normal” guys did not want to receive anal sex. It was viewed as the thing that only an effeminate man who wanted to be a woman could ever want. A real man, the thinking went, might be willing to stick his dick in any damn thing, but never would he want to be fucked in the ass.

It was easy to think this way, because after all, it was my cock that seemed to do all the thinking, and it wanted to do the fucking. My rear passage did not have a similar longing. I knew how robust my thrusting could get when fucking a woman, and I couldn’t imagine taking that in the ass.

But (Butt? Haha) as my libido has evolved into something more than a desire to cum, there has been a definite shift in my overall thinking about getting fucked. My desire for hard cocks has expanded into wanting them to ejaculate into me, and not just my mouth.

I’ve not acted on these desires except in one way. My best friend is gay, and he and my wife are very close friends. They actually fucked many years ago, not when she and I were together. Yes, gay men sometimes fuck women. As my friend puts it, he likes to fuck holes in general, but wants and thinks about men. He’s a top who shudders at the thought of getting fucked in the ass. He’s had his thousand lovers and now is single by choice. We talk openly about masturbation and all things sexual. Sounds like the perfect one to ask.

Until a couple years ago he and I lived a distance apart but now we live in the same city. In fairly recent times, he and I have fooled around a little, but it’s always been after too much partying, and no orgasms have occurred. But I’m not really someone he is or would ever be interested in sexually, so in a bit of irony, I am the one who wants it more than my gay friend.

My friend is not uptight or anything close, he just compartmentalizes me as a friend, not a lover. We have the type of friendship that if we did fuck, and one or the other didn’t want to do it amy more, the underlying friendship would be unaffected. He has a standing invitation to fuck me, but he doesn’t want to do it. Although we’ve been best friends for 50 years, and the sexual contact has been relatively recent, we’re both just recognize that human sexuality is dynamic, and neither of us think it’s weird.

So yes, men’s sexuality can change.

[oldfan]

So well explained. Thanks for doing so.

Oh, and I completely agree!