Significant Others who do not understand why you masturbate

[blackboxer500]

I read a lot about masturbation. I’m very fortunate that my wife not only understands my solo practices, she encourages it. She also masturbates as part of our love life, and alone, and encourages me to explore the full extent of my sexuality.

I feel for those whose people’s significant others are not so accepting. A typical situation appears to be a guy who has both a good sex life with the spouse or girlfriend, or maybe it’s so-so, and who also masturbates alone, but in secret because the SO is under the impression that men with access to sex shouldn’t need to masturbate.

I’m not an expert, but I think all relationship advisors begin by talking about communication. If you don’t talk about it and she doesn’t know you like it then there’s a good chance she hasn’t thought about it. I realize some women know all guys masturbate, even happily married ones, but many people simply do not know that I-have-a-good-sex-life-but-also-like-masturbation is a thing. If their interest in sex does not extend to learning about it in general, they may still have the naive assumption that masturbation is only a substitute for times one cannot get sex with a partner.

Of course each situation is unique but I have faith that most people who don’t understand can be helped to understand. If my wife wasn’t accepting of my masturbation, I’d try to figure out how to change that. I’d start by reading experts. I just googled “married but masturbating” and a page full of useful articles popped up. It’s healthy, normal, and typically strengthens relationships.

Oh, and one article also appeared titled “My Husband Caught Me Masturbating, And It Led to Our Divorce” — which reads pretty much like it says. The couple in that situation had already drifted apart, and the judgmental husband couldn’t handle it when he caught his understandably frustrated wife in the act. But after the woman tells her tale, experts ring in with advice about how this could have addressed in a less awkward moment by, uhm, yes, communication. With advice on how to have that talk and reiterating the health and relationship benefits of masturbation.

In that particular case the guy may have been too insecure to handle it under any circumstance, but one has to wonder that if there had been a frank discussion at some point, about how the lack of sex was causing frustration for her, whether the result of getting caught might been less disastrous.

This is only my opinion, but I believe that most people can get past whatever hangup or misconception leads them to dismiss masturbation by married people as something other than healthy and normal. These are not the ones googling “married but masturbating”, so there’s a good chance that they’ve never thought about it beyond whatever notions they developed early on about who masturbates and why. In many cases, a little factual information can go a long way toward changing that. Let’s hope.

[maturebator]

Great posting! I agree with you 100%. I've pretty much been preaching this message for decades.

I was fortunate enough to have met & married a woman who was also passionate and accepting about solo sex. We made it part of our total sexual pleasure, never ranking it as anything less pleasurable or second-hand to penetrative sex. We had no intention of abandoning masturbation in the relationship.

And true - there's not enough communication and honesty between couples, ESPECIALLY in the beginning, when they're laying the foundation for a relationship. THAT'S the time you want to be talking about masturbation; not years down the road, after you've hidden it from your partner. Yes, communication IS the key; it's just less likely to happen as the years go by.

[timcrav]

Yes, communication is certainly important in discussions with intimate partners or friends. But there's a difference between understanding why, and approving of. If disapproval is involved, then the waters are muddied - some may have moral objections (just about insurmountable, I'd say), or feel threatened (not desirable, no longer attractive, insufficiently passionate). But not understanding why? This I can't understand! Do you not understand pleasure, the pure, innocent pleasure we were born to adore, because it evolved with our species? Because we love it! It (per se) hurts no one! It allows and encourages delicious sensuality in our own, god-given bodies! It feels soooooooooo damn good!

Next question...

[mash2014]

I masturbate even after having sex. Many times even though the sex had been great, the need to masturbate was present.
My wife doesn't understand that men like to masturbate, so I do it in the hiding.

[stroke2]

Pity isn't it...coz its so important to know its all OK and so good to DO.

[siferius90]

My wife knows I masturbate as she does too. But she only partially accepts my masturbation - in certain situations only. For example when she has her period or is not in the mood for sex.

But she would never understand my need for daily wanking.

In the past I had a girlfriend who broke up with me upon learning about my 2-3 a day masturbation.