Masturbation - Why is it still considered Dirty or Shameful by most people

[andy091057]

OK so here’s the thing. We all love masturbating, which is why we are on this site. But, as a male, I have observed a very different dynamic between the sexes concerning masturbation over the years. I am writing this in an effort to get other people's views on the subject, particularly the female viewpoint. There may even be a transatlantic cultural difference here so I would also like to hear from my Yankee friends So here are my ramblings on the subject and I look forward to receiving your views.
As an English male, I realised long before I even started masturbating myself, that it was considered nasty and demeaning. If you are called a “wanker” it's not good! A wanker is a joker, an idiot, a loser, inadequate and generally not up to the job when it comes to being a “proper” man.
You are a wanker if you don’t do something properly.
You are a wanker if you mess about in class (unless you humiliate the teacher, then you’re a hero!)
You are a wanker if you are no good at sports
You are a wanker because you can't get a girlfriend to have sex with (and let's face it, as a teenager anything other than full sex is a failure)
So you get the drift my friends? As a young man you don’t want to be a wanker! But then girls start messing with your hormones by wearing short skirts and growing tits and curiosity gets the better of you and you sit these all day with a raging stiffy imagining them naked. So naturally when you get home you start tugging on that stiffy to get it under control and hey Ho, you're masturbating. Yes, you are that wanker that everyone jokes about in school. But oh god it feels so good, so you keep doing it in secret. You NEVER confess it to your mates for fear of being labelled so it becomes even more furtive, secret and shameful. The more you do it and the older you get, the worse it becomes.
At some stage, if you're lucky, you get a girlfriend and then things change. Now it’s cool because you’ve got a girl to do it for you or, even better, she gives you blow jobs or intercourse. So you forget about it for a while and only resort to masturbating between girlfriends (but that just confirms it as being back in failure mode, doesn’t it?) I could go on about the various ups and downs in life that prompt changes in behaviour but I hope you get my point that, generally speaking, masturbation is always the second best option for getting off ,so it is stigmatised as FAILURE.
I’ve been married twice. My first wife gave me two wonderful children and 17 years of marriage but it was pretty boring sexually as she was religiously repressed. Sex is for procreation of the species, not fun. Then I met my second wife and BOOM! Boy did I discover how great sex could be with someone who revels in all its glorious ways. For the next 20 years the only masturbating I did was mutual with her (OK and a few other women and couples as part of our swinging years). Now we are both in our 60’s and both suffering from arthritis which makes most forms of sex awkward and painful. So now we are both back to masturbating, together and separately, but this time I am totally at ease with admitting it (to my friends on SOLO at least. It's still not for public discussion among my social circle!!) I'm’ out and proud as a wanker! I confess I get great pleasure from stroking my cock and hope I can do it till I die.

OK that’s my four pennyworth over. How do you folks see it? From what I read in stories on Solo, women tend to be much more open about masturbation from a young age. Or is that just in stories? I also get the feeling that women are maybe more comfortable using vibrators and toys whereas men usually rely on hands. Owing to my experience with my first wife, I would also love to hear from people in different cultures/ beliefs/ about the moral effect of religion on their masturbation.
Thanks for taking the time to read my ramblings. Maybe it's just me but at my time of life (64) I just find it really fascinating

[mash2014]

I’m 64 and I am a wanker. I grew up hearing all kinds of horror stories about wankers. It was frowned upon when someone knows you masturbated. You became instantly a weirdo, a loser, you were so little that you couldn’t please a woman, you couldn’t pick up a woman. You were scum. People would make fun of you.
Knowing all that, once I started to wank or masturbate at 12, never stopped. I still masturbate daily if possible. I've reached the point that I admit I masturbate, sometimes if asked or other times I will as it without hesitation.
I'm getting the desire to masturbate right now.

[maturebator]

I am one of the "lucky ones." I married a girl whom I quickly discovered was also positive regarding masturbation. Even though as a horny young couple, we were fucking at the drop of a hat, we still got into sharing masturbation as an equally exciting and satisfying form of sex. FFWD to today. We're still masturbating privately and together. This has never wavered, no matter what else was going on. But here's the kicker - since she was already passionate about solosex, I never had to "talk her into anything." And when the time came - as it does - when her vagina could no longer take the kind of pounding that she so enjoyed, she said,"so, we'll just have more playtime." And we smoothly transitioned from fucking to more masturbation without any issue. Oh sure, I miss the feel of her healthy pussy around my cock, but she can still give me astounding oral. And our masturbations are as great as ever. We love each other. We lust for each other. And we lust for ourselves. Which we share. Life is good.

[whispering]

As masturbators, we're almost the bottom of the pile, not because everyone doesn't do it, but because nobody talks about it.
I masturbated a lot before puberty with a friend, and then was suddenly rejected and shamed by him, and it left me frightened to even mention masturbation with anyone for decades. When I first entered the solotouch chat room and could freely say "masturbation", I was ecstatic.

I still love it, and love to confess with other masturbators how much I love to masturbate and love being a masturbator. My most exciting sex--ever--comes with sharing solo sex with other masturbators. More and more people are "coming out" as masturbators, as they discover the amazing joy of serious masturbation, and I'm happy to welcome them into the cult

[blackboxer500]

I’m 62 and grew up and still live in the conservative American south. From TV shows and similar cultural interchanges, I’ve learned that in the UK and seemingly Australia and surely other countries, wanker (or a local equivalent) is frequently used as a pejorative in many contexts. Whereas here, in my day, we never even really acknowledged that masturbating was a thing and didn’t typically call people a term meaning “masturbator.” Dork or nerd were more common, and a hundred other names, but in my neck of the woods we didn’t use anything like wanker to put down others.

I mean yes everybody knew what jacking off was, but unless you were spied tugging at your cock in gym class or something the names kids called each other didn’t refer to masturbation.

But once my generation started having sex (and straight sex was all that was talked about openly even though now I know of a lot of exceptions that were going on), I think most of us included masturbation as part of sex. All my girlfriends masturbated along with me, extending through now my second marriage, no one thought it was anything but normal.

These days all the kids here readily acknowledge masturbation, and for the most part embrace it. There are exceptions of course but there’s no longer much stigma attached to it. The internet and sexting has changed everything. Access to sites like this make everyone realize, duh, I’m not the only one. Friends my age have few reservations in recognizing that masturbation is common and normal, although the degree to which anyone talks about it depends on the individual. On a trip with friends to NY, it was normal that my wife and her best friend visited a sex shop together and talked about which vibrators seemed interesting. I mean they are completely platonic with each other, and are professionals who are respected in the community, yet this seemed normal. Although I would point out they didn’t go out of their way to tell others outside a close circle.

In 10 years, or surely within 20, masturbation will be completely normalized in all but the smallest, conservative communities. Or so I think .

[siferius90]

In my environment it was always a shameful thing. Everybody did it, but nobody admitted.

So much was it engrained, that even now saying "masturbation" makes me feel aroused, but dirty.

Having said that, I love to masturbate - even more than sex.

[rathb69]

I am in my 60's. Growing up, in my area, it was not discussed and there was a certain shame or guilt associated with, which I certainly carried into my twenties. Although I earlier had discovered the great feeling of wet dreams and having an erection, I didn't start masturbating until I was 18. Once I started, I did it often, but secretly.

In my twenties I had my first relationship where I masturbated with a female partner and loved sharing what up to that point had been done alone. I also discovered Adult Book Stores and realized that men actually went there to masturbate! What? I couldn't believe that men would go to a place where other people knew they were masturbating.

But my curiosity was strong and after a few visits I found I liked the mix of guilty, nervous, but excited feelings that I got when I entered an ABS knowing I was going to masturbate. These solo adventures led to nice pleasurable semi-public ejaculations.

Over the years, masturbating with a new partner for the first time has always taken the relationship to a new level for me because it was sharing something that I am wired to think is secret.

I have masturbated in many public and semi-public places for the thrill of doing it with people close by, the thrill of almost getting caught, but in the end getting away with something I grew up feeling guilty about. Now I like the feeling and excitement I get being totally past the earlier shame and desire for secrecy by going to ABSs and porn theaters where I can openly masturbate and not care who knows, in fact wanting other men to see/watch and encourage me as I jack off.

[siferius90]

Yes, you are that wanker that everyone jokes about in school. But oh god it feels so good, so you keep doing it in secret.

That is me exactly!

[breena]

I was raised a Roman Catholic, and according to my faith masturbation is a violation of the 6th commandment. It's seen as sinful because sex is made for marriage and masturbating is seen as an abuse of your sexuality.

I do masturbate though, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm still single, sexually frustrated (and more than a little confused), and I often feel horny.

[trouble55]

I was raised a Roman Catholic, and according to my faith masturbation is a violation of the 6th commandment. It's seen as sinful because sex is made for marriage and masturbating is seen as an abuse of your sexuality.

I do masturbate though, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm still single, sexually frustrated (and more than a little confused), and I often feel horny.

It's ok to have faith but no need to still have the medieval man made laws and constraints attached to it, you are perfectly normal Breena, listen to your body and enjoy it, it's natural and healthy

[breena]

It's ok to have faith but no need to still have the medieval man made laws and constraints attached to it, you are perfectly normal Breena, listen to your body and enjoy it, it's natural and healthy

Thanks Trouble. My parents, my church, and my school all taught me that playing with myself is wrong, but some of my friends (and people online) tell me it's not. I've tried to control my lustful thoughts, and to ignore my horny feelings, but it's extremely difficult or even impossible. So I do masturbate a lot (and really enjoy it at the time!), but I can't help feeling guilty.

[mash2014]

I was raised a Roman Catholic, and according to my faith masturbation is a violation of the 6th commandment. It's seen as sinful because sex is made for marriage and masturbating is seen as an abuse of your sexuality.

I do masturbate though, even though I know I shouldn't. I'm still single, sexually frustrated (and more than a little confused), and I often feel horny.

I was also raised catholic. But when at age 12 I discovered masturbation I knew I was hooked for the rest of my life. Yes, there were moments where I thought I had to stop doing it because it was unhealthy, a sinful act, a true man didn’t do those things. But every night I would fall into the deep arms of hell and would feel satisfied. At the same time, I questioned my faith and the truth of it. I started to open my mind and eyes and finally saw that all of it was bullshit. That day, a new world opened before me. Where I felt I had broken the chains and freed myself. I accepted masturbation as something good. I am an avid masturbator and I enjoy it and look forward to doing it as many times as I can.

[trouble55]

It's ok to have faith but no need to still have the medieval man made laws and constraints attached to it, you are perfectly normal Breena, listen to your body and enjoy it, it's natural and healthy

Thanks Trouble. My parents, my church, and my school all taught me that playing with myself is wrong, but some of my friends (and people online) tell me it's not. I've tried to control my lustful thoughts, and to ignore my horny feelings, but it's extremely difficult or even impossible. So I do masturbate a lot (and really enjoy it at the time!), but I can't help feeling guilty.

Hi Breena, it must be hard to ignore something they have imposed on you from an early age !? If you see a dog humping a leg he's not evil he's just horny, the church is unfortunately these days struggling to keep up with modern life and new understandings, it needs to evolve and not damage people in this way. I support the main values of helping, loving and supporting people.

I suggest you settle down in front of a mirror after a nice bath and explore yourself as much as you wish.. occasionally look yourself in the eye and tell yourself you love yourself and God loves you too, stress is a bad thing meet it head on and do what comes naturally..

It's great you are here and being so open with us... You are on a journey and it's not dirty or bad, it's happening in nature all around you and you are part of it, enjoy

[iluvgirls]

Thanks Trouble. My parents, my church, and my school all taught me that playing with myself is wrong, but some of my friends (and people online) tell me it's not. I've tried to control my lustful thoughts, and to ignore my horny feelings, but it's extremely difficult or even impossible. So I do masturbate a lot (and really enjoy it at the time!), but I can't help feeling guilty.

You may discover that LOTS of people feel guilty about masturbation, especially when younger. Some parts of society view it as shameful or just plain wrong. I stopped feeling that way as I transitioned into an adult, and I don't think you should feel badly about it either.

I think people of faith can masturbate and feel good about it. Healthy people have sexual sides as part of being a complete person. Why would a creator create us as sexual beings and then not want us to experience and enjoy those sexual sides?

[iamnaked]

One Saturday afternoon in some woods near by there were four of us boys all out shooting our BB guns.
We were all 13 or 14.
The subject of masturbation popped up, no pun intended.
Long story shorter we were all standing in a circle, peckers out and stroking away.
I was the first to squirt,
Kenny was the last. We didn’t go blind.
That was close to fifty years ago.
Today you’d be hard pressed to find four average guys who would even pee outdoors next to a buddy.

[oldfan]

Because many people are raised with the religious morals and mores that are anti-sex for anything other than the acts of procreation between married adults. I know I was (Roman Catholic) and it was difficult for me to fully embrace my masturbation without feeling guilt. But then, realizing something that felt so wonderful could not be a sin, I fully embraced jacking.