Sexual Mapping, a name I have given to the experiences we have, usually pre-adulthood, that shape our sexual psyche, needs, desires, and what we are willing to accept moving forward. At 70+ I have thought about the many experiences I have had involving woman, not necessarily sexual in nature, involving playmate experiences, pornography, unwanted advances, etc.
Is Bisexuality set in the DNA, set by experiences during our youth, or learned? How much has religion and culture played into one's sexuality? I have a million questions, but I just want to begin a dialogue. It may be fun and lead to discoveries.
Sexual Mapping
Re: Sexual Mapping
You bring up a good point. My early sexual awakenings were with males and one female from a distance. Totally female as I got older. Later years I changed to wanting to experiment with older males (now). So my sexual tastes have changed but not sure why. Could be watching porn (always been a fan) has 'enlightened' me.
Re: Sexual Mapping
I can relate to this as time goes by I can change from one thing to another. With fantasies I would fantasize mff, then I wanted one female to be my wife, then switched to fantasize about a woman I’ve had the desire to have sex with, as I can say I’ve been masturbating thinking of her most of the last 20 years. But lately, I’ve switched from thinking of touching another man to wishing I could go down on him and swallow him. Tomorrow I might fantasize about something totally irrational but then it would be rational when I start fantasizing about it.
Re: Sexual Mapping
Growing up I think I was into girls like most boys, but was curious enough to want to touch and grab a couple of friends penises before any of us knew what was what. Actually, one of these boys pulled his dick out and was jacking off, so he knew something, but I really didn't. I just had the urge to want to touch and fondle him, but I didn't know how to make him cum.
By my mid-teens, all I could think about was girls and how to make out with them. Much of it was peer pressure, of course. I had no interest in guys and we had cultural stigmas associated with that ...
Anyway, all seemed normal until middle age when I began fantasizing about men, wanted to jack off with men watching, and then wanted to play with men (cock play.) I have had many fantasies about doing more with men (sucking them off, submitting to a man) but most of the excitement came from talking about all this with a female friend.
Anyway, generally I am open minded and think life is short so love and doing what feels good can come from either sex. Ninety percent of the time I have heterosexual thoughts, but the other 10% of the time, my mind wanders to thoughts of doing things with men, which I sometimes act out ...
By my mid-teens, all I could think about was girls and how to make out with them. Much of it was peer pressure, of course. I had no interest in guys and we had cultural stigmas associated with that ...
Anyway, all seemed normal until middle age when I began fantasizing about men, wanted to jack off with men watching, and then wanted to play with men (cock play.) I have had many fantasies about doing more with men (sucking them off, submitting to a man) but most of the excitement came from talking about all this with a female friend.
Anyway, generally I am open minded and think life is short so love and doing what feels good can come from either sex. Ninety percent of the time I have heterosexual thoughts, but the other 10% of the time, my mind wanders to thoughts of doing things with men, which I sometimes act out ...
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blackboxer500
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Re: Sexual Mapping
I’m in good company in this thread. My earliest sexual experience was age 7 or 8 when we visited family friends, and the boy who was a year older taught me how girls get pregnant. Now he had the detail as to which hole it went in wrong, he didn’t know about vaginas and thought the boy fucked the girl in the ass, but it was still fascinating to me. I don’t remember much about my sexuality before that time, but I was instantly into us trying that out on each other.
We did not penetrate each other, didn’t really get erect, but we would spend hours seemingly rubbing our cocks against each other’s butts. We lived in a different city so that one visit of a few days was my only exposure to sex for many years
Unfortunately he didn’t know about orgasms, and we were too young anyway, but that began for me a practice of masturbating virtually every night for many hours, simply rubbing my cock against the sheets and mattress. With time, erections came, but it was still years before I found out there is a release point. I was frustrated by it but wouldn’t have stopped for the world.
So i spent ages approximately 7 or 8 through 12 or 13 masturbating every night, not knowing about orgasms, and with my only experience or even knowledge being what my friend had told and shown me.
Now, I liked girls then and like them now, and recalling that this youthful sexual experience was based on how boys fuck girls, I had no difficulty in directing my lust toward girls. As soon as girls were truly in the picture, the few nights my friend and I had spent rubbing around with each other faded into the background. Sort of.
It didn’t disappear from my thoughts altogether but it almost did. I really like girls, and other than one drunk night in college when my best friend and I sucked each other off (only to never speak of it again), from then on all my relationships were straight.
In probably my 20s and 30s I would have said I was 99.9% straight. By my 40s, with the rise of internet porn, I began acknowledging that I liked hard ejaculating cocks. I would have said probably 95% straight, and the 5% did not need anything other than fantasy to be satisfied.
By my late 50s through today, when I’m 62, I’m beginning to feel the failure to have satisfied the same sex side — call it my gay or bi side, whichever term you prefer. But still, even today, my marriage to my wife is so satisfying that I am not compelled to seek out men. But at this very point in my life things are probably about to change.
That begins with my smart, sexy wife. She grew up with a healthy sex drive but really was affected by societal sexual repression. She participated in sex passively. But as she grew older she intentionally expanded her mind. She started reading about sex. She started listening to Dan Savage’s podcast. She did some serious work to broaden her horizons, all the while keeping me and our great life together in the forefront. Even though I had always been the one obviously obsessed with sex, she became the expert.
This led her to believe that it is unhealthy for a relationship for either partner to have unfulfilled sexual needs, even if it must come from outside the relationship. We’ve both put all the cards on the table, and both have agreed that if either of us has a sexual need that requires a 3rd party or parties, that nothing is automatically off the table.
She has helped me see that I am hetero-amorous and probably bisexual. That is, I can only fall in love with women but desire some amount of sexual contact with men. Long story short, we concluded that the best course for us is that I can play with any boy I want, so long as safer practices are followed, and she doesn’t want to know anything about it. But that if I need another woman we should talk about it, and nothing is a hard no. This is sensible because it would be impossible for me to fall in love with a man, but theoretically possible for me to fall for another woman. Even though I am confident that no woman could come between my wife and me, it is very practical that the rules be like this, to avoid her worrying about something that in my heart I feel couldn’t happen but intellectually I know shouldn’t be dismissed out of hand.
She has full permission to fuck anybody so long as she tells me — not so I keep an eye on her or control her but because I have a strong cuckhold fantasy and it would excite me.
So how does this relate to the OP? My opinion is that without my early experience, my attraction to hard cocks probably would be different. But to what extent is hard to say. I have a desire to suck cocks even though that didn’t even occur to my friend and me. I especially want to swallow their semen, even though my experience didn’t even recognize ejaculations. I want to jack off cocks, and we didn’t do that either.
There is one area of overlap, however, though indirectly. These days I have a desire to be fucked in the ass. A hard cock allmthe way in until it spews semen inside me. Again, in my experience as a youth, we did not penetrate and did not ejaculate. But only recently did I realize that back then I preferred him to rub his cock on my ass more than the other way around. I realize now that I had suppressed that feeling, because I thought I wasn’t supposed to like it.
Until recently I had not known abouttops,and bottoms in anal sex. I assumed the guys always took turns fucking each other. But now, understanding that some men like being the receptacle for another man’s sperm, I realize that I’m much more a bottom than a top when it comes to guys. Yes, I enjoy pounding a pussy like a real man, haha, , but I also want to be pounded like a pussy. At least in my mind. I haven’t done it yet. And might never.
So, in one sense it seems like my experience as a youngster did imprint amtype of desire — mapping, to use the OP’s term. But, on the other hand, only one aspect of that experience correlates to my current desires with men. So without having been educated by a fellow kid who had almost all the details wrong, I can’t tell if I’d still like to suck cocks, jack them off, and get fucked by them.
Btw, I never want to kiss or cuddle with another guy. Fuck me yes, kiss me no.
Since we’ve recently moved to Atlanta, I plan to attend the next meeting of the Atlanta Jacks masturbation club. You can check out twitter for deets. Again, my wife is fully supportive. One visit might satisfy all my need to see cocks exploding but I predict I’ll be a monthly attendee. I’m excited and a little anxious.
We did not penetrate each other, didn’t really get erect, but we would spend hours seemingly rubbing our cocks against each other’s butts. We lived in a different city so that one visit of a few days was my only exposure to sex for many years
Unfortunately he didn’t know about orgasms, and we were too young anyway, but that began for me a practice of masturbating virtually every night for many hours, simply rubbing my cock against the sheets and mattress. With time, erections came, but it was still years before I found out there is a release point. I was frustrated by it but wouldn’t have stopped for the world.
So i spent ages approximately 7 or 8 through 12 or 13 masturbating every night, not knowing about orgasms, and with my only experience or even knowledge being what my friend had told and shown me.
Now, I liked girls then and like them now, and recalling that this youthful sexual experience was based on how boys fuck girls, I had no difficulty in directing my lust toward girls. As soon as girls were truly in the picture, the few nights my friend and I had spent rubbing around with each other faded into the background. Sort of.
It didn’t disappear from my thoughts altogether but it almost did. I really like girls, and other than one drunk night in college when my best friend and I sucked each other off (only to never speak of it again), from then on all my relationships were straight.
In probably my 20s and 30s I would have said I was 99.9% straight. By my 40s, with the rise of internet porn, I began acknowledging that I liked hard ejaculating cocks. I would have said probably 95% straight, and the 5% did not need anything other than fantasy to be satisfied.
By my late 50s through today, when I’m 62, I’m beginning to feel the failure to have satisfied the same sex side — call it my gay or bi side, whichever term you prefer. But still, even today, my marriage to my wife is so satisfying that I am not compelled to seek out men. But at this very point in my life things are probably about to change.
That begins with my smart, sexy wife. She grew up with a healthy sex drive but really was affected by societal sexual repression. She participated in sex passively. But as she grew older she intentionally expanded her mind. She started reading about sex. She started listening to Dan Savage’s podcast. She did some serious work to broaden her horizons, all the while keeping me and our great life together in the forefront. Even though I had always been the one obviously obsessed with sex, she became the expert.
This led her to believe that it is unhealthy for a relationship for either partner to have unfulfilled sexual needs, even if it must come from outside the relationship. We’ve both put all the cards on the table, and both have agreed that if either of us has a sexual need that requires a 3rd party or parties, that nothing is automatically off the table.
She has helped me see that I am hetero-amorous and probably bisexual. That is, I can only fall in love with women but desire some amount of sexual contact with men. Long story short, we concluded that the best course for us is that I can play with any boy I want, so long as safer practices are followed, and she doesn’t want to know anything about it. But that if I need another woman we should talk about it, and nothing is a hard no. This is sensible because it would be impossible for me to fall in love with a man, but theoretically possible for me to fall for another woman. Even though I am confident that no woman could come between my wife and me, it is very practical that the rules be like this, to avoid her worrying about something that in my heart I feel couldn’t happen but intellectually I know shouldn’t be dismissed out of hand.
She has full permission to fuck anybody so long as she tells me — not so I keep an eye on her or control her but because I have a strong cuckhold fantasy and it would excite me.
So how does this relate to the OP? My opinion is that without my early experience, my attraction to hard cocks probably would be different. But to what extent is hard to say. I have a desire to suck cocks even though that didn’t even occur to my friend and me. I especially want to swallow their semen, even though my experience didn’t even recognize ejaculations. I want to jack off cocks, and we didn’t do that either.
There is one area of overlap, however, though indirectly. These days I have a desire to be fucked in the ass. A hard cock allmthe way in until it spews semen inside me. Again, in my experience as a youth, we did not penetrate and did not ejaculate. But only recently did I realize that back then I preferred him to rub his cock on my ass more than the other way around. I realize now that I had suppressed that feeling, because I thought I wasn’t supposed to like it.
Until recently I had not known abouttops,and bottoms in anal sex. I assumed the guys always took turns fucking each other. But now, understanding that some men like being the receptacle for another man’s sperm, I realize that I’m much more a bottom than a top when it comes to guys. Yes, I enjoy pounding a pussy like a real man, haha, , but I also want to be pounded like a pussy. At least in my mind. I haven’t done it yet. And might never.
So, in one sense it seems like my experience as a youngster did imprint amtype of desire — mapping, to use the OP’s term. But, on the other hand, only one aspect of that experience correlates to my current desires with men. So without having been educated by a fellow kid who had almost all the details wrong, I can’t tell if I’d still like to suck cocks, jack them off, and get fucked by them.
Btw, I never want to kiss or cuddle with another guy. Fuck me yes, kiss me no.
Since we’ve recently moved to Atlanta, I plan to attend the next meeting of the Atlanta Jacks masturbation club. You can check out twitter for deets. Again, my wife is fully supportive. One visit might satisfy all my need to see cocks exploding but I predict I’ll be a monthly attendee. I’m excited and a little anxious.
Re: Sexual Mapping
Blackboxer, I appreciate the detailed account. By all means report here how the AtlantaJacks expetience goes.
Briefly, I discovered masturbation solo in bathtub at age 9, realized at age 10 I liked looking at my friend (11) get into and out of his Speedos at the cabana we shared with his family (South Fla). Touched my first cock at age 14, he 13 (my "Scout Grope" story here on ST) and touched my second cock last fall at the arcade at a nearby ABS at age 76! I am in a very good marriage, but she lost interest in sex 10 years ago. The horny finally got to me last fall, prompting the visit to the arcade to play with cocks. I have two stories here reporting on my visits to the arcade.
Briefly, I discovered masturbation solo in bathtub at age 9, realized at age 10 I liked looking at my friend (11) get into and out of his Speedos at the cabana we shared with his family (South Fla). Touched my first cock at age 14, he 13 (my "Scout Grope" story here on ST) and touched my second cock last fall at the arcade at a nearby ABS at age 76! I am in a very good marriage, but she lost interest in sex 10 years ago. The horny finally got to me last fall, prompting the visit to the arcade to play with cocks. I have two stories here reporting on my visits to the arcade.
Re: Sexual Mapping
This pretty much mirrors the way I feel too. Thanks for writing it so much more eloquently than I could.blackboxer500 wrote: ↑Sat Jul 02, 2022 11:17 pm
There is one area of overlap, however, though indirectly. These days I have a desire to be fucked in the ass. A hard cock allmthe way in until it spews semen inside me. Again, in my experience as a youth, we did not penetrate and did not ejaculate. But only recently did I realize that back then I preferred him to rub his cock on my ass more than the other way around. I realize now that I had suppressed that feeling, because I thought I wasn’t supposed to like it.
Until recently I had not known abouttops,and bottoms in anal sex. I assumed the guys always took turns fucking each other. But now, understanding that some men like being the receptacle for another man’s sperm, I realize that I’m much more a bottom than a top when it comes to guys. Yes, I enjoy pounding a pussy like a real man, haha, , but I also want to be pounded like a pussy. At least in my mind. I haven’t done it yet. And might never.
Btw, I never want to kiss or cuddle with another guy. Fuck me yes, kiss me no.
Re: Sexual Mapping
My sexual map, hahaha. If anyone tries to ‘follow’ my map I guarantee you’ll get lost in the woods.
Here is how I was raised.
My mom always told me I had a beautiful penis and a feminine body.
She told me to never be ashamed or embarrassed when naked and because I’m so beautiful I should let others see me.
She mistook ADHD, several types, for intelligence. When my mom found ejaculate in the sheets, wet dreams, she encouraged me to masturbate openly and told me again and again I need not hide it.
By eleven I was masturbating in front of her while we watched tv.
It wasn’t long before I masturbated in front of her and my dad.
I was fascinated when he got hard watching me.
The girls at school loved me because I’d do it for them, they loved to watch me shoot cum.
It soon became my greatest turn on.
I never had inhibitions. Seems that’s more common in people with multiple types of ADHD.
Here is how I was raised.
My mom always told me I had a beautiful penis and a feminine body.
She told me to never be ashamed or embarrassed when naked and because I’m so beautiful I should let others see me.
She mistook ADHD, several types, for intelligence. When my mom found ejaculate in the sheets, wet dreams, she encouraged me to masturbate openly and told me again and again I need not hide it.
By eleven I was masturbating in front of her while we watched tv.
It wasn’t long before I masturbated in front of her and my dad.
I was fascinated when he got hard watching me.
The girls at school loved me because I’d do it for them, they loved to watch me shoot cum.
It soon became my greatest turn on.
I never had inhibitions. Seems that’s more common in people with multiple types of ADHD.