Hello everyone. I found this site when googling relationship stuff, wanting to discuss an odd situation I'm in or maybe to just get it off my chest, so I signed up. I'll try to keep it short. I don't even know where I'm going with this but since I can't really talk about it much in life right now, I wanted to at least share it and get some perspective.
I'm 21. My current g/f of 9 months is 19 and from a nearby small town of about 3000 people going to college in my town which is where we met. About four months ago or so, I started visiting the bar that is in her town square and enjoyed the small town atmosphere that I ended up going there every weekend. Met some nice people and in particular I met this older woman there as well.
By older I mean she is like 37 but didn't know her age at the time. She's a very attractive blonde and looks a heck of a lot like Natasha Staniszewski but with shorter hair. Which is one of the people that first popped up when I reverse image search her picture. So for the sake of reference without revealing anything, we'll just call her Natasha.
We hit it off pretty good. We did flirt some, especially me and she giggled at all my stupid jokes but she was married and I had a g/f but despite that, the second time we ran into each other at this bar, we both flirted pretty hard after some drinks together. The third time I saw her there, I started offering to buy her drinks and she accepted. Now I know everyone feels differently about cheating and I never thought much about it before nor did I think at all with my head but we arranged to meet and keep it quiet. I think the largest draw for us cheating, for her was probably being flattered by a younger guy and for me it was her body, not gonna lie. My g/f is petite, short and slender and this woman was taller, busty and built like an Amazon queen. It was obvious that she worked out often.
So we hooked up, not once but many times for about 3 months, up until this past Friday that is. We first met in a parking lot using protection then started renting a hotel room for more adventurous stuff while at other times going back to my apartment on days when I was certain my g/f wouldn't come over. She mentioned to me that she had her tubes tied and more or less, wanted to ditch the condoms so we began going bareback from then on out. The sex was great and I found out that she is into anything and everything. We did anal, oral, roleplay and even some BDSM where she played the sadistic dominatrix dressed in some devilishly skimpy clothing, slowly torturing me before letting me have it which I ended up liking more than I thought I would. She started enjoying showing me her creampies where she would lean back, straddle her vagina in front of my face, over my chest and make me watch my stuff ooze out of her so it's like I was discovering new fetishes I never knew I had. She likes it rough, I liked being tied up and dominated so what can I say?...it was exausting but fun. My g/f doesn't do most of these things. She likes oral and slower paced sex as do I but won't try anal nor does anything very rough like Natasha does. Not that she's bad in bed or not providing some fetish I desire because I certainly enjoy our sex life. Just that sex with Natasha is just different enough that it was like having two different kinds of cake that you equally like but in a different way and one cake makes you tired and exhausted while the other is relaxing and comforting.
However the two worlds collided Friday and what small worlds they were. Guess I had it coming to me from being a small populated town. I had met my g/f's brother and grandpa before but never her mom and dad even though we've been seeing each other for quite a while. They have a campsite they go to often so they decided to go camping this holiday weekend and they told my g/f to invite me so we could all get to know each other. I walk in, meet her dad, shake his hand, he moves aside and walking into the room, looking dead at me with a hundred yard stare is Natasha. Her mother. I faked a smile, she does the same and we shook hands, trying to act as if we never met before. Though she didn't take her eyes off of me the whole time I was there, she's a decent actor and didn't act too surprised and was all smiles whenever she spoke. That acting was good enough though that it gave me anxieties about wondering how she really felt inside. I just kept picturing her feeling devastated inside while trying to hold a smile which made me sad.
So a two hour ride, Natasha seemed quietly and carefully spoken during convo's with her daughter as if she thought carefully before responding. Normally she's a quick talker. Though I guess I did the same with both my g/f and her dad but mostly because my thoughts were heavy. We camp. We're in one of those pop up campers and overall everything goes well even though I felt like I didn't know what to say to either one of her parents when it came to conversation. Whenever I spoke, Natasha always looked right into my eyes which made me nervous because I don't know what she is thinking or feeling. When she spoke, she looked at me often even if she was talking more directly to someone else. I don't know how to read that, what that means. I don't even know how I'm supposed to feel but inside it's a mix of anxiety and arousal. Seeing that her mom is who she is, made it even hotter. I found myself looking at her and visually replaying all of the crazy sex acts we performed together, the way she moans, the way she feels inside and how her back muscles quiver when having an orgasm, the dirty talk she says in bed...all of it, was like right there on my mind the entire time. We had sex often enough that I could envision every detail of her body in my mind just as easily as I could her daughter as we sat around cooking hotdogs and smores while part of me keeps thinking I need to erase all of that that and should feel bad.
Early this morning we pack up and preparing to head back. Natasha grabs my arm and pulls me close only to tell me that we should come camping with them more often but I can't read her tone. Not sure if she was sarcastic like saying please don't because this is awkward or if she meant it as if saying everything is ok. I can't read people to save my life. Get back home and G/f wanted sex before she left my apartment so I did but this time I kept my eyes closed and couldn't help but picture her mom the whole time. Maybe it'll pass with time. Perhaps there's no real advice to be given for what's done is done but curious for a perspective on how all of this is going to move forward. I feel like I should be feeling shame, devestation, regret or something else, not this further arousal and constantly recalling the sex acts I had with Natasha even when I'm with my g/f. Hours have gone by and still can't focus on anything else.