medical issue

[jeni2021]

so over the weekend i found a lump by my lady parts. i went to the drs today about it well they cant drain it i have to go to gyn so i had two violate me today and with in the next couple weeks i will most likely be violated by another two. the reason i say violate is because back when i was in high school i was home alone and went and took the dogs out and i was jumped by two guys who grabbed me and put me down on the ground covering my mouth and told me i wouldnt get hurt if i didnt fight them about what they where about to do to me. one held me down while the other one pulled my pants and undies off and proceeded to then rape me. then when the first guy was done they switched spots and the second guy proceeded to rape me. i just laid there and didnt fight didnt scream didnt cry. i didnt want to get hurt worse or die so i just let it happen. i told a friend and they told someone who got the police involved and they told me to say it never happened. you may ask why they would say that to me. you see i am a special needs girl who has mental delays so no one believes us when we claim things like this happen to us my parents where made to believe that it never happened to me. all because i didnt act like a typical rape victim. i didnt stop going to school, i didnt hide away, i took a bath not thinking about saving evidence, i didnt shy away from males at school. i didnt act paranoid. not every rape victim acts the same way. now i have this lump and all these things came flooding back again cause my mom wasnt their that night and she wasnt with me today due to pt so i instantly flashed back to that night as soon as they started touching me down there. i dont know how im going to get through the next appointment of people touching me down there. im so upset about this. i have really bad anxiety to the point i doubled my med this morning and it still broke through the med and my whole body was trembling and didnt stop trembling until 530 pm est my appt was 3pm est. so it took 2 1/2 hrs to calm back down. i am now mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted from it. i dont think i can go through all of this again. pls give me some encouraging words.

[wingonwing]

As with the devil, badness usually has the power over us that we allow it to have. We are plenty strong. You have strengths and depths of courage within you that are astounding, as I learned while my wife was dying of cancer. Please know that you are extremely powerful. Summon those strengths within you, and choose to use them.

[allnaturallady13]

It is truly terrible what happened to you in high school. But as wingonwing said, you are stronger than you realize. The intrusive exam was awful for you and yet necessary for finding out what the lump is and getting medical treatment for it. However, it’s still your choice on what you put yourself through. Find the balance of what you will allow against what the medical people need to do. Take care and be true to yourself.