Since this incident, I've spent the last week online trying to research this topic. I can't express how happy I was to find this site, it truly lifts the guilt that I've been feeling over what happened, and I'll probably end up sharing this site with my stepson. This is a pretty long story, so I'm only going to share the first part of it right now. Writing about this makes me feel like I'm reliving it. Right now I honestly want to go into his room and do it again, but the guilt has been killing me. We're not blood related but I still feel like this was wrong. I'm ashamed to admit what I was feeling, but glad to have a place to share. Here goes...
This fall, we've been amidst the college search for my 19-year-old stepson. His mother died at age 13, and I married his father a year later. His father and I have been separated since a fight turned physical several months ago. He moved out of the area, but my stepson has remained with me while he finishes his senior year of high school. It's been my responsibility to take him on visits to college campuses this fall. I'm not going to mention which, specifically, but this visit occurred at a large state university in a small town. I'm 33 years old and my stepson is 19 (he repeated a grade the year his mother passed away). He is a spitting image of his father in nearly every way. On the weekend of our visit, a football game was scheduled that apparently left nearly every hotel in the area booked to capacity. Arriving very late in the evening on Friday, we were apparently some of the last guests to check in for the football weekend, and despite booking two queen beds online, we were given a room with one. I asked if they had any other rooms or a roll away bed, but to no avail. Not a big deal, but simply a matter of convenience.
Our first night there, we went to bed as soon as we got there. I wore my usual nightgown and my stepson was shirtless with a pair of long pajama pants. I awoke in the middle of the night, and had somehow unconsciously moved to his side of the bed. I had my arm across his chest and my leg sort of on top of his thigh. I could clearly feel that he had an erection, as it was pressing into my leg. Embarrassed I had caused this and hoping he hadn't awakened, I immediately moved back to my side of the bed and slept without incident. In the morning, however, I remember waking up to the bed moving. I moved slightly and the vibration ceased. As I lay there on my back trying to fall asleep, several minutes passed and the shaking started again, only this time I noticed it was accompanied by a slight rustling sound coming from under the sheets on my son's side. I quickly realized that he was masturbating next to me. My first reaction was to say something, but I couldn't get past how awkward it might make things.
As I lay there, I found myself filled with curiosity. The way the pillows were positioned, he could not see my face and I could not see his. I opened my eyes the slightest bit, but he had formed a tent with the sheet and his knee to block my vision if I woke up. He continued like this for a few more minutes, until finally he got bolder and pulled down the sheets. I almost gasped when he did so. Not just because this was my stepson masturbating next to me, but because I could not believe his penis was larger than his father's. It looked a lot harder than when his father gets an erection too. I had always been under the impression that the size of a man's penis was something passed on by the father. It really did have the same shape as his dad's, but this thing was a little bit longer and much much much thicker. I couldn't take my eyes off of it, and, as ashamed as I am to admit it, at the time I just wanted to reach out and hold it in my hands (and more). I hadn't been with a man since his father left, and the sight of his penis was really turning me on.
After a few minutes of watching him slowly masturbate, he again positioned the sheet so that it would block my view if I 'woke up.' The feelings stirring inside me were really beginning to have an effect on me, so carefully, under the sheets I began to inch my nightgown up my thighs to try and reach my vagina. I finally got it high enough, and slipped my fingers down to my slit. I was really turned on, very wet, but could barely touch myself for fear of screaming and alerting him. Nevertheless, my curiosity was still killing me. I continued to barely rub my vagina, but for some reason I just really had to see his penis again. I tried to slowly turn my head to get a better view, as I did so the sheet again dropped just enough to restore my view. I continued to rub my vagina, biting my lip to contain myself, but let out the smallest whimper and he immediately stopped what he was doing. Ever so slowly he carefully pulled the sheets back over himself and pretended to be sleeping. Even with a massive tent in the sheets, I had a feeling the show was probably over until he knew it was safe.
My turn. After about five minutes of waiting for him to start again, I knew he had lost his nerve. I slowly rustled the sheets, and pretending to just be waking up, walked to the bathroom. I came out, and he was laying on his back still pretending to be asleep, but I thought I could see him peeking out of his eyelids just the slightest bit. I had given him an opportunity to hide his erection (or the tent it had made) if he had wanted to, but clearly he wasn't worried about me seeing it. I kind of hoped he wanted me to. I knelt next to the bed on his side, where we had left our luggage, but fixed my gaze at this tent, obvious enough so that if he was peeking he would see me staring. I opened my bag slowly and quietly, as someone would if they were trying not to 'wake' someone, and laid a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt on the chair. I saw his eyelids squint, and knew for certain he was peeking and was not asleep. I don't know what came over me at the time, but all at once, I raised my arms and lifted my nightgown all the way up and over my head. Naked and getting dressed in front of him, I cannot express how excited I was. I know this is my stepson, but to see him laying there pretending to be asleep with an erection like that, all the while knowing he was looking at my body, was nothing short of exhilarating.
I wanted to know that when I left the room for breakfast, he was going to be masturbating to thoughts of me. I slowly dressed, bending over once to pick up a different sweatshirt, before putting it on. I 'woke' him, told him I was going to get coffee and asked if he wanted any breakfast. Pretending to have just been roused and acting disoriented, I asked again and he just said 'breakfast food.' He was such a horrible actor. I had woken him for school nearly every day of his teenage life, he almost always has a scared or shocked look on his face and I was not about to fall for that. I planned to give him a good shock in a few minutes, anyways. I told him I'd be back in half an hour and left the room.
I'm going to end things here. Another time, perhaps. My heart is actually pounding right now as I'm trying to decide whether or not I'm actually going to click the submit button.