For me it started with dreams of sucking my own cock, with vivid orgasms. I would feel my throat pulsing with the rhythm of my cock, and have the deep satisfaction of driking my own semen in the moment of my orgasm. When I would awaken, the dream was so vivid that I believed it was possible, or that it had really been happening. When this was accompanied by an actual ejaulation, there was no more necessary or beautiful erotic pleasure.
Since then I have drank my semen; sometimes ejaculating into my mouth in the position that so many guys try, throwing their legs over their shoulders and reaching as close as possible. Other times I experimented with licking my semen out of my hand or off a mirror.
I began to notice the desire shift before and after orgasm-that the desire could be very hot, till I came; and then the desire would be gone. I know from reading this page that millions of guys experience this.
I just want to say I know what you're feeling.
Many times I learned to love myself this way in the presence of a woman, of women; sometimes more than one, and one of my current desires is to find three women who will be with me. In the past, this would happen any one of a number of ways. One of my hot early fantasies was being 'made to do it'. it was a way of being submissive and revealilng, especially if the woman was a bit authoritarian or emotionally distant.
On one occasion a beautiful, passionate indian girl kissed my semen back into my mouth. other times, it was the commitment of saying 'this is what I want to do' and ask them to be there for me. one beautiful afternoon, I watched two bi women make love for hours, and finally satisfied myself by self semen drinking in front of both of them.
I have had friends where this was our one erotic purpose; they would in a sense be my masturbation companion and I would surrender in front of them, and either drink from my hand or somehow be given the semen.
I've showed some men. I've done it in front of a mirror with other people watching.
This way, I learned to slowly cross the gap, and as I did so, I healed something in myself, I filled a space that was open in myself.
Any guys who want companionship, imagine me in your fantasies, or find me in Whispering Lily.