This is a story in response to an earlier post titled: What Defines a Jo Buddy Today?
I didn't know about the term 'jack-off partner' or 'J-O Buddy' when I was in my early teens, but things did happen among friends of the same sex. Around age 11 or 12, it started out as a friend and I masturbating at the same time during sleep-overs (while covered by each of our own sleeping bags), and we eventually progressed to occasional mutual masturbation. And one time we even tried another method of stimulation just because we were so desperately curious about what if felt like. (Site policies seem to forbid describing this activity but I will state that it was NOT a form of male and male intercourse.) From what I've read, and from talking to other friends at that time, it was fairly common for mutual masturbation and some sporadic experimentation to occur. The practice stopped sometime during high school and now myself and those that I engaged in activities with are all happily married . . . to women.
If you think about the kind of life system we humans have set up for ourselves, there should be no surprise that young people, males in particular, engage in same-sex practices for a while in their youth.
Most of us start puberty somewhere around 11 or 12. Some a little earlier and some a little later. Do you remember what the dawn of puberty was like? Constant erections, constant thoughts and curiosity about sex, marathon masturbation, burning and constant desire for sexual release nearly 24 hours a day. If we were still in the cave man days, this would be perfect. We'd be out mating all day in order to spread our genetics-hopefully we'd manage a few offspring by the time we were 14 because our chances for survival beyond 20 were slim due to disease and maybe predators. Although that instinct is still in place, that doesn't work today.
For modern man it's very different. At the very time we're beginning to swell with overpowering sexual desire, we're segregated-to some extent-from members of the opposite sex. Parents and religious leaders do everything they can to discourage premarital teen sex. Same-age visitors of the opposite sex are watched like hawks. Janet Jackson shows a little boob during half-time and parents jump up, turn off the TV, and say all of that is just shameful and send the boys to their room.
But meanwhile, you're just about to go out of your head because you're so desperate for sexual release and to be touched sexually. You're in your early teens, male, have a constant erection, girls are both off limits and largely not as interested as you are, and you are encouraged to spend most of your time with other boys. Desperate for touch and release, things will happen. They almost have to happen-otherwise kids would go insane.
When I engaged in mutual masturbation from age 11 to 16, my desire and intent was only to feel sexual pleasure and variation. To be stimulated by someone else felt so amazing, and when I returned the favor, I knew that my friend was appreciative in the same way because I could identify with the pleasure he was feeling. We were in the same boat-as just about all boys that age are-and we helped each other. I didn't think about him being a guy and I didn't really visualize a girl-I just enjoyed the physical sensations. That's really it, we helped each other. It wasn't so much an act of sexual affection as it was an act helping a friend with an intimate problem.
As mentioned earlier, we did try methods of stimulation other than hands. And before we did it, we had actually had several very long conversations about it to establish that we both desired to feel the sensation, but it wasn't actually a sexual expression towards each other. We had heard about people doing that and we had seen some pictures in magazines of girls doing such things with men. We both wanted so badly to know what something like that would feel like but, we were 13 and we knew there was no way in those days that we were going to be able to find out from a girl. As with regular mutual masturbation, the giving was simply in exchange for receiving.
So, to the uncle who's worried about his nephew-depending on his family's beliefs, he may have a very long time before he feels allowed to engage in sexual activities with women. So until that age comes along, I wouldn't worry too much. Speaking for myself, I'm grateful for the friends that I had at that time that I could trust. We all got through it, had a good time, and seem to be healthy and normal today. I would imagine there are countless others, if not a silent majority, that has had a similar experience.
I have no guilt or remorse. It was just part of a secret life of young males. I don't know how healthy our societal system is, but given what we have to contend with, I feel that having a trusted friend that you can 'help' and 'be helped' by is quite healthy. If I ever have a son, I plan on trying my best to help him understand that sexual frustration is normal at the onset of puberty and that he'll be able to have normal healthy adult sexual relationships before he knows it. And until those days come along, I'll simply give him his due privacy-especially during sleep overs.