Musings about My Life of Masturbation

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This is my life story of masturbation over 47 years. Sorry if it is too long, but I wanted it all down on paper, and feel excited to share my most private events with others for a first time. I actually stopped at a point, and got out my vibrator, as I recalled my time with Bengt in the sauna.

Hope you enjoy!


I discovered the joy of my vagina when I was 13, and I remember it like yesterday. It was a Saturday morning, my older sister was not in her bed, and I was absently playing with myself under the covers. My nipples had begun to bud, and I was playing with them, feeling the new sensations of pleasure they provided. I absently touched my vagina, and felt a new pleasure, which I explored. I found the spot that felt so good when I rubbed it, and laid there, enjoying the sensations. I was naive, knowing little about sex. It was the mid 60's, in a very conservative southern city, and sex was not discussed at home, or in school. I knew the basics, and those basics never came with the caveat of pleasure, or orgasm.

I continued to rub myself, and tease my nipples, feeling the wetness on my fingertips. I thought I must be peeing, and lifted my fingers to my nose, and the smell was not that of pee, but a deep musky smell. I returned to pleasuring myself, and after about 20 minutes it happened. The tingling was incredible as it spread from my groin through my body. My nipples were erect, and my vagina so sensitive, I had to pull my hand away. As the pleasure subsided, it was replaced with abject fear. What had I done? Had I broken something? I threw the covers off and inspected, fully expecting to see blood and carnage, but instead, all I saw was vagina, slight dampness glistening on my labia, which were thicker than normal. I pulled my nightgown back down, and ran to the bathroom. I locked the door, pulled off my nightgown, and used a hand mirror to inspect, and make sure I was okay. I pulled my labia apart and peered, only seeing the wetness on the pink inner skin. I touched my hood, looking for the hard button I had discovered. I pushed it apart and up, and saw my clitoris for the first time. The small pink knob was still so sensitive.

I had no idea what I had discovered, but I knew I liked it. Privacy was impossible in my house with four daughters, three bedrooms and one bathroom. We had a one car detached garage that sat a hundred yards or so behind the back of the house, and a high fence behind that only a few feet from the back of the garage. It became my hideaway, where I could get the tingle. I did it a lot that summer, usually daily. One night I awoke to a faint noise, and glanced at my 16 year old sister in the twin bed across from me. In the dark shadows, I could see her knees were pulled up, and the bedspread was moving rapidly back and forth, both at her groin, and her chest. She let out a gasp of air, her hips rose up and froze. Then she slowly lowered them, and rolled over and went to sleep. About a half hour later, I did it for the first time with her in the room, then quietly went to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up and Allison was staring at me. She said she had heard me last night, and asked me how long I had been doing 'it'. I played stupid, but she decided it was time I learned a few things, I got a self righteous lecture about touching yourself, and when I interrupted her that I had seen her do it before I did, she dropped the condescension. This led to advise about sex, boys, and what to expect. It was a bit convoluted, but the basic premise was that all boys wanted was to put their 'pee pee' in you, and release their 'sperms', because they had to get it out or they would be in pain and if they didn't put it in you, they had to get it out themselves, and that it didn't feel as good to them. That you can't let them do it, because then they tell all the other boys, and besides you could get pregnant. Then she told they would try and try to touch it, but to never allow that, because once they started touching you, then they would talk you into letting them put it in. She also told me it would really hurt the first time, and explained the hymen. She scared me to death.

My sexual education went to a new level at age 14. Feeling horny one summer evening after dinner, I headed out to my secret spot behind the garage. I rounded the back of the garage, and got an eyeful. Allison and her boyfriend Bill were laying on grass locked in a passionate kiss. Allison blouse was open, and her bra pulled down under her breasts. Bills shirt was off, and both of their shorts were pulled down to their ankles. Bills fingers were thrusting in and out of Allison, but the real eye opener was Allison rapidly pumping her fist up and down Bills erection. My naivete showed again, as no one had explained to me the concept of erections. I had only seen penises on babies. I never thought they got bigger, and certainly didn't think they became erect. I thought boys put their soft penis inside you. Bills testicles were furiously bouncing up and down as Allison pulled on him, and they too looked enormous.

I was there less than 10 seconds when I saw the white liquid shoot out, sperms I assumed. The volume and strength of the spurt surprised me too, and I gasped. They both looked up at me, shocked expressions, and I fled. As I walked quickly back to the house, Allison called out for me to stop. I turned and she was running toward me, buttoning her shorts, her bra still obviously pulled below her breasts under her T-shirt. She reached me and pulled her bra back in place, and looked at me with a frantic stare. She took me for a walk around the block, and pleaded with me to not say anything to anyone. I agreed. She asked me if I was ok, and I blurted out that it was so big and stiff, and he had so many sperms.

Allison set me straight about penises. And then it dawned on me. She and Bill were fucking! We sat up late that night, and I got all the juicy details in return for keeping quiet. It was so hot, and I was so aroused, that later that night I had one of the strongest orgasms ever pleasuring myself thinking about them having sex, and at climax, thinking about Bill sticking that huge thing in me. Soon thereafter, I used the first object on myself. I used a banana that looked the size and shape of Bill, and tried to stick it into myself. It did not go well. No one had explained lubrication, and when I hit my hymen, I screamed. The tip of the banana was covered in blood, and my vagina throbbed in pain. I remembered what Allison had said about the first time, and several days later, I did it again. That time it didn't hurt, but didn't feel great, although the fullness was pleasurable.

One day, as I was stealing a banana, I saw the jar of honey next to the fruit basket, and a light bulb went off. When I slid that honey covered banana into me, I felt great pleasure. I would insert it as far as I could, then pull it all the way out The combination of fullness followed by emptiness was awesome. I fucked myself for about a half hour, then had my first vaginal orgasm.

My next progression happened with Jaime, my new boyfriend at age 15. We were at the drive in with my friend Sarah and her boyfriend in the front seat, Jaime and I in the back. We all ended up in heavy petting, I could hear Sarah trying to resist, but I heard the sound of a zipper, and knew she was touching him, and he touching her. I let Jaime slide his fingers under my panties, and he clumsily pawed me, I touched his crotch, and he quickly got it out, and I learned my new lesson: they come in different sizes. If Bill was a banana, Jaime was a Vienna sausage. It was short and thin, and it disappeared in my fist. I had no sooner touched him, and he came. Lesson 2: sperms are warm, and sticky. I didn't get off, as Jaime lost all interest after his orgasm, and zipped up, and watched the end of the movie. A week later, I lost my virginity to him, however again he lasted less than five seconds, then didn't pleasure me. We broke up right after that night.

My next progression came my junior year. Bengt was an absolute Swedish God. I was so excited when he asked me out, and he was the first boy that actually seemed to like me for me, and not using me to try and get off. It was a Saturday afternoon, and Bengt's parents were out. Bengt asked me if I wanted to try a sauna, and I got excited, thinking now he was going to get sexual with me. We undressed by the sauna, and I saw my first soft penis. It was very very large, and on his small sinewy body, looked even bigger than it probably was. But the big surprise was the long flap of skin covering the head. Circumcision was not something I had ever heard of. I thought all boys were born that way.

Bengt was so casual and calm about nudity, not uptight like Americans. He didn't ogle me, or act any different than when I was fully clothed. We sat on the bench in the sauna, I got the courage up and asked him why his penis had so much skin. He lifted it up, pulled the skin back, then smiled at me. He explained to my horror what they did to little boys in America. I was mesmerized by it. Not just the hood, but the sliding, and the sheer size of it. I reached over, and put its base in the palm of my hand, then slid the skin back. Bengt smiled at me and told me I had better be careful, I would wake the sleeping monster, and I gave it a squeeze. It felt so different than Jaime's hard little sausage. Bengt's was soft and spongy, and beginning to feel wet from the heat of the sauna. Next lesson: they grow when they get hard. And boy did it grow!

I watched in amazement as Bengt's penis inflated before me, the head poking halfway out the hood, the thickness such that my fist no longer fit around his girth. I slowly began to masturbate him, and he closed his eyes. After a few minutes, he said we shouldn't stay too long in the heat, took my hand and we left the sauna. For his bedroom. He went into his bath and returned with the next revelation: lubricant. He poured some into my palm, and rubbed some over himself. I slowly started pulling him again, amazed at how warm and slick it was. He taught me to rub my thumb on the underside of the head when the skin was back, and I returned to pleasuring him. Seeing his peaceful face, his perfect tight body glistening in sweat, and his big tool slide in and out of my hand had me reaching between my legs to touch myself.

Bengt pulled my hand away from my vagina, and told me to wait, he would do that for me after. Bengt was the anti Jaime. He was relaxed and confident, lasting close to a half hour, before his orgasm. He wiped himself with the towel, then said he would wash his hands first, so there was no chance any would get into me. He returned and gently spread my legs. He oiled up his fingers, and lightly and expertly began to touch me. I laid across his bed, spread my legs wide to give him access, and he worked his magic, deftly exposing my clit from its hood with one hand, and teasing it with the other. He slowly penetrated me with a finger, hitting the perfect spot inside. He patiently and tenderly made love to my vagina with his hands, until I exploded with the best orgasm of my life. We laid together, skin to skin and I felt the afterglow as I laid my head on his smooth chest, and ran my fingers through his blonde pubic hair and toyed with his perfect soft penis. I loved Bengt, and I loved that massive tool and we dated for two years. We made love together, and he was an incredible lover, once again the anti-Jaime. I learned what oral sex was with a gusto. I was devastated when his family moved back to Sweden.

I continued to masturbate through college and even after I got married. My wonderful husband loved to watch me pleasure myself, and I loved watching him as well. We bought toys. He used a banana with honey on me to replay my first penetration. I lost him two years ago, and once again masturbation has become an important part of my world. I stumbled upon this site, in an effort to expand my horizons, and enjoy the pleasures of masturbation in every possible way. Thank you to all that have enlightened me!



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