I am a happily married working mother of three. I love my husband and have never had sexual thoughts of anyone else. During the beginning of our marriage, we occasionally watched some porn together at night which would heighten our passion that particular night. Otherwise, we had basic missionary intercourse, sometimes I would perform oral sex on him, but he never would reciprocate. Nothing wild, but after the kids came, there was rarely any time or privacy anyway, so our sex life gradually slowed to a crawl. I just assumed it was the same for all married couples.
I have a male friend at work that was going through some rough personal times. I think he needed someone to talk to and we started having pretty regular chats online at night. I was strictly being a helpful friend and didn't have sexual thoughts at first. I had a feeling he began feeling more for me by some of the comments and compliments he would often give me during our conversations. I guess I was a little flattered, but figured it was all innocent.
Although modern sexual harrassment guidelines are very strict, there is always risque banter and innuendos going on at work. Everyone gives a comment or two and no one has complained about being offended. One day, the topic of the day seemed to be masturbation. That night, my friend and I had begun a chat about work, when he kept trying to bring up the subject of masturbation. I'm a very conservative person and tried not to encourage him too much and tried to change the subject.
He was very persistent though, something very out of character for him, so I realized this was something he was very interested in. He began to apologize to me, trying to find the right words, but I didn't realize what he was trying to say to me. Until, the lightbulb went on in my head and I realized he was admitting to masturbating during our conversations. After the initial shock, there was no disgust, but strangely I got very aroused. I prodded him to tell me everything, not to feel guilty, that I wasn't upset with him.
Feeling relief at my statement, he revealed everything. He said he would often be naked while we chatted, he would always have a stiff erection, how much he wished I could see him on a webcam, and how much he masturbated thinking of me. Now, I'm very petite, very small breasts and didn't think anyone would fantasize about me. But, he went into detail about how aroused he would get thinking about my body and he said how difficult it was to keep his mind on work whenever we were working closely with each other. He told me how he had to force himself to stop staring at my round ass and how guilty he would feel because of our friendship. He added that he hoped I would understand his behavior was the result of a single male not having a girlfriend in years and consequently not having an outlet for sexual release.
I tried to comfort him, but added that I hoped he would meet someone because I would never be able to fulfill his fantasies. He agreed and we both felt it was best to end our chat at that point.
My problem is that from that night on, I haven't been able to get visions of him masturbating out of my mind. I try to think how his erect penis looks like, what he uses to lubricate it, what it looks like when he ejaculates, how much does he cum, and every detail. Again, I had never had sexual thoughts about him before and do not directly think about sleeping with him. But, I seem to be obsessed with his masturbating because it's such a turn-on that I'm the object of his desires.
I can't explain it and I also can't stop it. I had rarely masturbated myself since getting married, but now I'm playing with myself every single night (in the shower mostly) as well as thinking about his hard penis many times at work. I'm glad that I found this site, so that I could share this and maybe find someone else who has a similar situation so that I don't feel so awkward.