Of necessity, I am making some assumptions in this article. I hope I do not offend, that is not my intention. This is the result of some musings on me when I was younger.
It is, I would suppose, quite, quite different for a boy. Even when not aroused, a boy's genetalia is there for him to see, and when aroused, his erection stands proudly out in front. I wonder, what does it feel like for a teenage boy to stand, fully erect and naked in his room? To see his manhood engorged, swollen, thrusting up, does that act as an aphrodisiac in itself?
For a girl, oh, how different things are! Our gentalia, (a strange, and somewhat clinical word, perhaps. Pussy? Cunt? Minge?) is hidden not only from the world, but from us too. Unless we partake in some strange contortions with a hand held mirror, our sex is hidden from our view. Even when we are aroused; and oh, how exquisite those sensations are between our legs! The conscious feeling of the swelling of our labia, the throbbing of our clitoris, and the wetness, the ever present wetness that signals our arousal is utterly hidden from view, unless we wish it otherwise.
When I was 13, I made a discovery. In itself, it is nothing, and certainly not the stuff of erotica, but merely to sit and make a conscious decision to spread one's legs is erotic beyond words. So it was, and I remember it vividly, that one sunny afternoon I was sitting on a bench in a local park when I realised I felt horny. More horny than usual for me. I remember wondering what was actually happening 'down there', and then I remember deciding quite deliberately to spread my legs. I hitched my skirt up a little and spread it out and then, quite slowly I recall, I parted my knees wider, still wider, until my legs were spread as wide as they would go. Merely knowing my secret crotch was, albeit covered by my panties exposed to the world was such a turn on. I remember breathing rapidly and feeling almost dizzy. Encouraged by my own boldness, I lifted my skirt at the front so I could see my panties. Knowing that all that separated the world from my sex was a thin and rapidly dampening layer of cotton was erotic beyond words. My clit was throbbing with an almost painful intensity.
Of course, after a few moments I dared myself to what was then, the 'ultimate' rudeness. I hooked a finger around the leg of my panties and tugged them aside. Immediately, I felt the sun's kiss on my then almost hairless pussy. I felt the softness of the breeze touch my wetness, and then, unbidden, the words came to my mind. 'Your cunt. Your wet fucking cunt is visible.' Of course, I allowed my finger to stray onto my clit and there, at the tender age of 13 I had my first ever outdoor orgasm. It was muted, nothing like what was to happen a week later for I was nervous, scared who may see. Longing for someone to see, yet at the same time fearful. I had made sure there was no one around for miles, but to a 13 year old girl at the threshold of her sexual journey, it was the most erotic memory.
At school, as now, I was shy, retiring, easily overlooked in the crowd. But I was attentive. Then, like now, I was a good listener, evesdropper perhaps?
I would listen to the other girls lewd boasting, for surely that is what it was, of what they had done or at least claimed they had done. The girls who claimed they had already lost their cherries, the couple of girls who said they had slept with older men, the 'in your face' lesbian couple who, I am sure, would run a mile had another girl realy tried to finger them, and of course the girls who would talk about taking it anally, and this from 13 and 14 year olds. Utter fantasy, I am sure, but there were a couple of conversations around masturbation and there, for me at least, it was easy to see who had and who had not. Once, during truth or dare, a girl said that she urinates when she orgasms, unfortunate comment, as from that day she was known as 'Pissy Panties' by others and in fact had to leave the school, girls can be so bitchy.
For me, from that first 'exposure', I knew that sexual activity out doors would play a large part in my life. I used to walk home from school with my panties in my bag. I would hitch my skirt up high enough to almost expose the cheeks of my ass. Sometimes, I would find a quiet spot and jill off in the woods or fields that surrounded, and still surround my home. Sometimes, like many youngsters, I would pee outdoors. Initially, not sexually at all, but sometimes, I would think of Gillian's comments, and try to do it as I orgasmed, however it would not be for many years that I mastered that.
So, I wonder. As a 13 year old girl, I knew the awesome power of exposing myself, I wonder, what is it like for boys? Sometimes, I like to think about, oh, what is it called, 'circle jerks?' I wonder, do they REALLY happen, or are they the product of wishful thinking?
Today, I feel whistful, almost 'innocent' so I intend to dress that way. I have a very nice short white dress that screams 'virginity'. I intend to put it on when I finish this and I also intend to put on a pair of panties the style of which I used to wear at school, small, white, 'boring' bikini style. (At the time, when I was 13, they were the height of sexiness) and I am going to go out somewhere. I don't know where yet, I will let my Goddess of Sex direct me. All I know is it is likely to be a park somewhere.
Once there, I will pick someone, male? female? I really do not know. But I will know the right person when I see them. Then, I will let them watch me masturbate.