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Blue Balls

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by Ralph I really love having blue balls. Most guys have felt this before -- the aching feeling in and around the balls caused by an unreleased build-up of sexual tension. It's slightly painful, but walking around with this condition makes me feel sexually alive and aware even when the circumstances aren't sexual -- like at work. In other words, I feel like a teenager again. Indeed, I used to have blue balls a lot when I was that young, but now, at 28, it takes some work to get them. The sensation is unique and thrilling enough to be well worth the effort, so I thought I'd describe how to get the best, most robust blue balls ever. This works best if you've abstained from ejaculation for at least a few days before doing this. I usually start out lying down, gently massaging my penis until it's at full attention. Then I stand up or kneel and continue jacking off, pumping now very aggressively (with hard, rapid strokes) so that my sac moves with the strokes. The trick is to bring yourself to the brink, where you just feel like you're about to come, and then stop. After a few seconds, when you've recovered, start again, still pumping good and hard. Keep on repeating the cycle, being careful not to come. After about an hour -- and this is probably the hardest part -- just stop and do something else, preferably some kind of fairly strenuous physical activity (like jogging or biking), being sure to wear loose-fitting boxer shorts. The exercize isn't absolutely necessary, but it does tend to heighten the sensation (sometimes beyond bearability, in my experience). The ache will last for a good several hours. If you do it again the next day (without ejaculating in the meantime) the feeling will be even stronger and last even longer. There are a couple of things I've learned about making this work. First, there's the question of lube. I'm uncut, so I don't use anything. But an hour of hard jacking is rough on a dick: a little sore tends to open up, which isn't all that alarming except that it hurts while you're pumping it. I've tried lubricants, but they tend to make things too slick; you need a good grip to really pump hard. One thing that does work, though, is to give your penis a shaving cream treatment once or twice a day. I apply it to wet skin right out of the shower, rubbing it in gently and not wiping it off before dressing. (The foam soon subsides, so you don't feel wet and slick all day long.) For whatever reason, I have had no problems with sores since I started the shaving cream (I use Barbasol regular). Why it works I don't know; it probably has something to do with the moisturizers or whatever goop they put in it. The other problem is accidental ejaculation. You can easily bring yourself past the point of no return without intending to. What really helps with this is to have something else to do while you're jacking off. One of my favorites is writing a letter to my lover, telling her how much I need to fuck her. I kneel in front of the computer and type a few words at a time, in between bouts of wanking off. So I'm paying attention to more than just the nearly-unbearable urge to come; I'm also paying attention to writing a reasonably creative letter about my fantasies. This is a slow way to get a letter written, but time really flies by while you're doing it. Dividing your attention this way can allow you to prolong a jack-off session by hours. Enjoy your blue balls!

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