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• Religion and Masturbation
• Let's Put an End to the Hypocrisy
• What About Ellen White?
• Christians Can Masturbate Too
• Masturbation is Healthy
• Light Pulse One
• Masturbation: A Legitimate Form of Sexual Behavior?
• Jackin' to Multiple Orgasms
• Denial and Edging To Hourgasm
• Multiple Orgasm
I have been reading your site for more than a year now. I wish that more people shared your views on masturbation. It's unfortunate that in many places people cannot even mention the word masturbation without receiving disapproval from others. Even though masturbation is a very natural activity, people view it as something that should be hidden from the public, something that should be viewed as 'bad' and 'unhealthy'.
I think that people who condemn others for masturbating should view it as 'no big deal'. I was caught masturbating several years ago, and most of the people I new condemned me for it. In fact, I lost a lot of friends because of it. Basically, it was a horrible experience for me. It wasn't until many years later that I got over it. I never really understood why anyone would get so upset over another person's masturbation. Yet many people I meet act like masturbation is some terrible act, that only 'bad' people commit. I'm not sure if they are just being defensive or if they really cannot handle the subject of masturbation.
What's the big deal about masturbation? Didn't most teenagers learn to masturbate before they started having sex? It's a completely natural function. Imagine if people condemned sexual intercourse the same way they condemn masturbation. In that case people would be going around denying that they have sex (but doing it just the same). They would have a severe guilt complex about having sexual intercourse. Can you imagine people going around feeling guilty because they had sex with their wives or husbands? People wouldn't be able to function because they would be racked with so much anxiety over when they last had sex and who might find out about it. Yet masturbation is a function that comes even more naturally to humans than sexual intercourse. Can anyone explain to me why something that is only an arms reach away, something that we learn to do ourselves at a very young age, something that is as natural and close to us as scratching an itch has become so forbidden in our society? The way people talk about masturbation, you'd think that it was something perverted, warped, or sick! Yet it comes to us so naturally that if most people were forced to stop doing it, they'd go insane.
I don't care what religions say about masturbation! It's just crazy to condemn masturbation! I feel sorry for anyone that tries to give up masturbation for religious reasons. That person is torturing his or herself without realizing it.
I really wish that masturbation were not condemned at all. Society suffers needlessly when it condemns a natural human function. People who condemn masturbation create an atmosphere of fear and guilt. People become afraid to admit to masturbation, because of the intolerant atmosphere that they live in. Frankly, I think that society is very screwed up. If teenagers were encouraged to masturbate instead of being discouraged, they would be less likely to commit crimes when they grow up. There would be less violence in the world (certainly fewer rapes) if men were able to relieve their tension by being able to masturbate and not feel guilty about it.
I feel sorry for our society in general, because masturbation is condemned everywhere. It's condemned in politics, in the media, and in public. We have to teach society that there is nothing wrong with masturbation at all. Maybe some day, every single person on this planet will be able to masturbate without feeling guilt. Until then, we must keep trying to educate the public so that it stops kicking itself in the balls. ---H.B.
I think we really need to do away with the hypocrisy involving masturbation in our society. Too many people are condemned for their masturbation habits (I am certainly one!) and they are made to feel incredibly guilty as if they had committed a crime.
I remember what happened to me several years ago. My roommate caught me masturbating when I was a Freshman living in a college dorm. He must have told everyone on my hall about it, because by the end of the school year all of my hallmates were laughing at me. I ended up transferring to another school the following year. Whenever I came back to visit my few friends at my old school, I really felt that some of my other classmates were "judging me" or "snubbing me". The looks that some of my old classmates gave me were very upsetting. Even though masturbation was something that most college students did at sometime in their dormatories, I was being ostracized by them simply because I had been "caught".
Later on in my life, it always bothered me that when the subject of masturbation came up, that people acted so uptight about it. My masturbation fantasies range from older middle aged women to young teenage girls. They also include girls that I grew up with in my neighborhood and in high school. There are even some distant cousins of mine that I masturbate to.
I feel that society frowns on these kinds of fantasies or at times they frown on any kind of fantasies at all. The worst thing is that they make people feel guilty about them to the point that they would even consider suicide. This, I feel is a serious problem in society. I say this, because I feel that I am a victim of it.
People very rarely say to me directly that masturbation is wrong, but the attitudes make me feel like I am doing something terribly wrong. Some of it may be a misinterpretation on my part, but I think that society needs to send a message to it's members that masturbation is "okay" and that people have "all kinds" of fantasies.
I always thought that if society is totally accepting of people having sex, why should they have any problem with people masturbating. It's incredibly naive in this day and age to think that only "some" people masturbate or that it is "unnatural".
What makes me mad is that people can make you feel awfully guilty for doing something that is totally healthy and necessary. The ironic thing is that if I were unable to masturbate (which would be less than 1 percent of the male population), I probably would have had fewer problems in getting along with other people. Most of my serious problems began as a result of my roommate "catching me". I was incredibly miserable from that time up until now.
I don't see why people make such a big deal out of masturbation in the first place. A little good natured ribbing is one thing, but making someone feel guilty to the point of considering suicide is quite another.
The reason this happens is that society condemns masturbation. People don't often come out and say masturbation is wrong, but society makes people feel awfully ashamed about it.
Why not have masturbation counselors who advertise their services in the newspaper on TV and on the radio. They should have books on masturbation that parents can read with their children. Probably, by the time a kid turns ten, their parents should be reading a book on masturbation with them. This would in turn create a society of more educated and capable adults for the future.
There should be masturbation textbooks or guides for adults to read for any kind of problem they have involving masturbation. This might sound funny, but masturbation is just as much a part of a person's sex life as is sexual intercourse.
If society viewed masturbation in the same light that they did sexual intercourse, then they would not be kicking themselves in the groin. I'm sure that there would be fewer crimes (especially rapes) and that people would have healthier lives (physically and mentally).
I decided I couldn't spare time to read in detail your entire treatise on overcoming religious anti-masturbation dogma (Flipping Off the Pleasure Police), but I'm grateful for your having shared your experience. I could identify with so much of it although my insane childhood was spent in a Seventh-day Adventist home and community.
Looking for some sense of connection (a detailed lexicon of paraphilias in my case) I stumbled onto John Money's Destroying Angel, a book about the lingering effects of the Victorian anti-masturbatory hysteria. Particularly, Money dissected this hysteria in my childhood church among two of its prominent early leaders: John Harvey Kellogg and Ellen G. White.
I believe that having parents too damn concerned that I never pleasure my genitals from my earliest memories led to my being clueless for most of my adult life as to my sexual best interest. It was a self-hating setup for abuse. I am learning to accept sexual pleasure when it is in my best interest. Thing is, I believe that sex, like intoxicants, can be a way to deny one's own reality. That's what I had been doing through compulsive masturbation.
When they instruct parents to attempt to keep their children from discovering self-pleasure, those Victorian moralizers seem to me to have been assuming a codependent role in perpetuating sexual self-hatred through compulsive masturbation. If instead they had been willing to talk about their own feelings with their children instead of taking care (control?) of their children's sexuality, possibly they could have fostered an atmosphere of trust in which masturbation could have been about pleasure instead of addiction. It's tragic they degraded themselves and their children so. I saw it happen between my parents and me.
It wasn't until I was able to open up about my own experience among other recovering sex addicts that I began to reclaim a sexuality of my own. And I believe that work will go on for the rest of my life; it will always be a matter of progress and yet-unfinished tasks. But it's essential.
---an appreciative reader
Webmaster's note: Thanks for your thoughtful letter; I appreciate what you had to say. I admire Money's work and will check out this title. I was interested the other day to read that today, in America, there are more people who call themselves "former" Seventh-Day Adventists than there are current Seventh-Day Adventist church members. Hmmmmm! I do make reference to Kellogg in my tome which you partially read. I have concerns, though, about the pop therapy opinion that classifies a strong interest in sex (and/or masturbation) as an addiction. Those notions were initiated by avowed Evangelical Christian therapists in the '80s and unfortunately they persist. Most non-denomination-aligned reputable therapists reject the addiction theme nowadays. ~Dave
(The "Webmaster's Notes" in this article were written by Dave, Solotouch's original Webmaster.)
Webmaster's note: On another part of this Website there is much information countering the claims of some Christians that it is sinful to masturbate. They have lots of so-called ammunition from the Bible and illogical arguments to support their claims. The first letter below, from a 15-year-old girl, shows the frustration that the traditional Christian anti-masturbation rhetoric can cause. However, to her credit, Kim was able to come up with some rationalizations between her faith and her physical needs that have allowed her to continue enjoying masturbation. A Christian masturbator submitted the second piece below and it goes even farther in helping people who have a strong faith justify their need for sexual expression through masturbation. While I don't personally agree with some of the points in this essay, it is presented here with the hope that it will be helpful to many people with strong Christian convictions. His ultimate message, to go ahead and masturbate, is in keeping with the objective of this Website. Finally, there is another submission that adds some information and links.
I'm a fifteen-year-old girl, and I just started masturbating three days ago. I haven't actually come yet, and the second night I tried, I gave up in yet another failed attempt. After I lay down to go to sleep, I felt a tremendous amount of guilt. To put it bluntly, I was horrified. I am a die-hard Christian, and I was shocked that I had done such a thing. I cried silently for hours. The next day I got on the net and found some Christian/masturbation Websites. I soon found out that the question on whether it is right or wrong to masturbate is totally up for debate. No one really knows. I felt a lot better.
Then yesterday at work, I started thinking about my W.W.J.D. band. What would Jesus do? I was clueless. But I soon started thinking some more. Jesus was created in human form, right? Right. He WAS actually a HE. So HE had HIS own equipment. I started to wonder if Jesus himself ever masturbated, (as bad as it may sound.) I wondered if he EVER once got excited. He was a male, with all human feelings. He had to! I feel a lot better now about what I'm still trying to do. ---Kim
I've read the many submissions regarding Christians and masturbation, which seem to reflect mostly how a person feels regarding the practice. The average person seems to think that masturbation is something that, in his or her own estimation, would be unpleasing to God. Centuries of over-zealous Christians have taken this line, thereby making themselves and others feel a strong sense of guilt.
I personally believe that what the Bible says is true, and I will not go beyond that. To add to what the Bible says is basically putting human words in God's mouth, and human opinions in God's mind. So we have to take what the Bible says at face value and make the appropriate applications.
We can be assured that men (I've chosen to deal with my own gender here) have been masturbating ever since the beginning. As long as men have had penises and hands and have been horny, you can be assured that they have masturbated. It is not an innovation of the 20th century. And it doesn't take an Einstein to figure out that if you rub your penis with your hand, you will ejaculate. In fact I would speculate that young men of yesteryear probably did it more, since there weren't all of the other activities to occupy their time (T.V., Sega, Videos, etc.).
Regardless of how much or little men have masturbated over the last several thousand years, we know it happened; furthermore God knew it happened and that it will continue to happen. So how has God chosen to deal with this?
There is only one section in the Bible that could even remotely be applied to the physical act of masturbation. In Leviticus 15, 16-18 we read: When a man has an emission of semen, he must bathe his whole body with water, and he will be unclean till evening. Any clothing or leather that has semen on it must be washed with water, and it will be unclean till evening. When a man lies with a woman and there is an emission of semen, both must bathe with water, and they will be unclean till evening.
The first thing to note here, is that a distinction is made between a man simply having an emission of semen, and having an emission of semen with a woman. For a man to have an emission of semen by himself, this would be most often through masturbation, or less frequently by nocturnal emission. This section of the Bible is a part of the Old Testament ceremonial law, and not part of the moral law (e.g. committing adultery). An emission of semen is considered on the same plane as a woman's menstrual flow. And the only result of either is that they were "ceremonially unclean." Neither was considered sinful.
The "sin of Onan" is often cited as a case against masturbation (cf. Genesis 38, 8-10). Onan refused to obey God's command to father a child by his dead brother's wife, so he withdrew and ejaculated on the ground. For doing this, God put him to death. However this does not condemn masturbation. Even a cursory look at this section shows that the sin committed was disobeying a direct command of God. Ejaculating on the ground was not what got Onan in trouble. This section has nothing to do with masturbation.
The last place is where Jesus speaks of lust being the same as committing adultery (cf. Matthew 5, 27-28). Paul also talks about "burning with lust" (cf. I Corinthians 7, 1 ff). Certainly we can't argue with that. But one would then have to ask, isn't masturbation the primary way to control a person's lust? If a person lusts and masturbates, has he committed two sins? Is there any difference between lusting and masturbating, as opposed to lusting and not masturbating? I would think that lusting and not masturbating would be worse, because there is no relief; and one can be consumed by such a burning lust. Of course the ideal way to take care of sinful lust is to get married and have sex on a regular basis. But not everybody can do that, nor would it be proper to marry the first person that came along just to have sex.
A second thing should be considered as well. Is masturbation always connected with lust? This is subjective and is something that each person would have to ask of him or herself. Speaking for myself, the two are generally connected; however I have at times awakened at night with a full erection and slowly masturbated myself with no particular lustful thoughts. I did it because it felt great!
The bottom line to all this is simple. In the Bible, God in no place says either directly or indirectly that masturbation is a sin. The ejaculation of semen would make you ceremonially unclean in the Old Testament. Onan was judged for disobeying God, and not for ejaculating on the ground. Jesus equates sexual lust with the sin of adultery. However none of these instances condemn masturbation.
But here is where the sinful human mind likes to work. The devil convinces us that masturbation is shameful and dirty and childish. He convinces us that God doesn't like it (even though God doesn't say so) and that masturbation is only for losers. He wants us to feel guilty when we masturbate. Moreover, the devil wants us to be totally consumed by burning lust and passion. And since he convinces people of all these things, when burning passion is felt, people are then tempted to seek out a wrongful release through a one-night stand or a prostitute rather than masturbate. Wrongful sexual relations can wind up in pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease.
God has made us sexual beings. It's nothing to be ashamed about. God's ultimate design is that sex takes place in marriage. However God has also given us a way whereby we can take care of our sexual urges. That way is through masturbation. Even though masturbation should not be a permanent substitute for marital sex, yet he's given us a quick and easy way to take care of things when normal sexual relations are not possible. So we can masturbate to our heart's content, without guilt or fear of judgment, knowing that this is something God in his wisdom permits us to do. It's the safest form of sex possible. And we can put away all of the old myths and fables about masturbation; none of them are true. Besides it has been said that in order for a man to maintain a healthy prostate, he should have a minimum of three ejaculations per week. Masturbation is even good for you!
Personally speaking, of course I masturbate. I started when I was 13. I often do it once or twice a day, or sometimes I wait two or three days. Masturbation doesn't consume my life. But it is something I enjoy, and I thank God that he has made it not only possible, but profitable for my life as well. I definitely remember the guilt feelings and all the other associated baggage the devil attached to it. But through the truth of God's Word, I have become convinced that a Christian not only can masturbate, he WILL masturbate and do it often!
Please, if you have a friend who is feeling guilty about masturbating for religious reasons, please print out this article and pass it along to him. You'll be making a positive difference in his life! May God bless you. ---Anon
Even as a Christian, I've enjoyed masturbation since age 13 without guilt; I'm 34 now. Yet by my late teens I was aware that many youths suffer torment about it, and wished there was some way I could help. Anyway, because it's such a personal matter, I felt that there is no way. So all I've ever done is try to formulate sensible explanations for why it's ok, and tried to work out sensible refutations to arguments against it. But then I finally go started on the Internet, and entered "masturbation AND Christians" into various search engines. After a few weeks it was quite obvious that there are about ten times more web sites or documents staunchly against masturbation than there were sites or documents supporting it. Your site is the only one I've found that has more than one article about masturbation for the Christian from a supportive angle. Well done! Top site! But it's not very prominent during engine searches. I've found 6 articles so far; 2 of them are ONLY on your site. These are "Christians can Masturbate Too" (you're reading that page) and "Flipping off the Pleasure Police." Another two that you have each exist on another site.
Do you know of any other Web pages that may help a young Christian to stop feeling guilty about masturbation? ---Anon
Ok, here is a link to a Christian pro-masturbation site:
And, Now, A Word From Some Mormon Readers
Hi. I'm very happy for you guys! I enjoy a fulfilling and exciting sex life with my husband and we are definitely not inhibited! Yes, you guessed it, we're Mormons---me since age 12 (I'm 34, I'm an EMT) and my husband all his life---6th generation from Ogden Utah! Not just 'cause were in the medical field, but because actually, for me, the Catholic church taught me that sex was dirty, the Mormon church taught me since age 12 it is beautiful and enjoyable, but to wait till I was married. And let me tell you, if you saw some of the infections and diseases we have to see each day, you might agree. And hey, by the way, our church is the only church that says sex is so beautiful. If we remain faithful to Christ, we can enjoy sex in the next life with our spouse! That's why all the other religions give us a hard time. So look again. I think you're missing about 9 million other members that don't have a problem with it. Obviously the teenagers (Mormon and other) in Utah from your statistics don't seem too inhibited! Rock on! ---Sheila and Bruce
Author: Daniel L. Pryor
I enjoy your site very much. The writings such as "first time" masturbation and specifically how the church portrays sexual identity hit home for me. It was like I was reading my own biography! I am an adult male in his 30s, married, and a two-year-old son. I'm also a very spiritually aware "Christian." It took me awhile to realize the truth about masturbation and not be ashamed of it and have come to terms as it pertains to my religious beliefs. I basically believe that masturbation is healthy and not wrong. Christians would do better as people if they'd stop being so "pent-up" sexually. When my son turns around 13 or so, I will tell him the TRUTH about masturbation. I figure this will help his self-image and might even stem off problems like getting a girl pregnant before they're both ready for it. I'm a firm believer (pardon the pun) that masturbation is good for self-discovery and can help you help your understand not only your sexuality but your partner's as well. I believe that because of my extensive masturbatory practices that I can pleasure my wife much better and understand her sexual needs better. If I could pass on some words of advice for young people, especially Christians, it's this:
1) Don't get married to "control your desires," just masturbate like normal people, ok? Don't marry someone unless you love him or her unconditionally, period!
2) Don't marry someone who is a "prude" because it will bring you and our partner incredible sexual frustration. Usually the "prude" is a "good-girl" who was raised as a Christian.
3) Don't have sex with anyone unless you are willing to take the risk of being pregnant, getting someone pregnant, or getting an STD.
4) If you're going to have sex, don't just do it out of animal lust! THINK FIRST about what you're doing (i.e. protection, blood tests for AIDS, are you married and you're going to have an affair, etc.). THINK FIRST of the consequences surrounding the sexual act. I'm not saying the act itself is bad, but everything has a time and place.
5) Remove the guilt and think for yourself. ALL TRUE BIBLICAL SCHOLARS agree that there IS NO SCRIPTURE that prevents you from masturbating! The bible does mention however, about homosexuality, and multiple partners, but this is mainly because of the fact they didn't have condoms back then! Think about it, the bible was written when they didn't have condoms or understand about basic freakin' hygiene! Keep in mind also that the new testament pretty much gets rids of a lot of the "overbearing" rules of the old testament which stated such lame things as "women shouldn't be in positions of authority," etc. The New Testament is about what? Forgiveness, tolerance, understanding that we are all human and not perfect, love, respect, and most of all hope.
6) Ignore those in the world that say one thing and do another. I hate hypocrisy. If you see a hypocrite ignore them, don't deal with them, avoid them like the plaque, and for God's sake don't listen to them or seek their advice. Case in point, ask you pastor, priest, etc. if they still masturbate. If they say no odds are they're lying. If they lie to you which is a sin (a REALLY bad sin for a pastor!), then how can they give you advice on how to live your life or tell you that its wrong to masturbate!
7) O.k., I'm climbing off my soapbox now...
Please DON'T post this as anonymous, I'm not a coward! <
Author: Eric Francis
It's great to see this web site back up and running---thank you, thank you, thank you.
Our world needs a forum for one of the hottest, most necessary and most honest subjects life has to offer. Over the years I've held back from writing, mainly because I have expressed my views and experiences of masturbation in many other forums. But to make a long story short, I am an advocate and facilitator of masturbating together, that is, of mature, sexually experienced adults allowing one another to see, hear and emotionally sense one another's masturbation as a staple of the erotic diet, and as a form of high ritual.
I recognize that at this point in my life, I can barely feel the raw, strange urgency that can arise with considering this concept for the first time: the first thoughts of considering the reality of openly displaying your masturbation, and of openly expressing your curiosity about the masturbation of others, both same sex, and opposite. Reading these stories, we see this happen naturally to people of all ages, yet younger people are a lot more free than anyone---probably because they are at a point of their most unfettered exploration of their sexuality, their hormones are running hot, and all the rules and values of our twisted society have not fully gotten a grip on their thoughts and emotions. For anyone else who has not explored this, I offer the possibility that masturbating in front of your lover, a close friend or several friends will be one of the most liberating experiences of your life, sexually, emotionally and intellectually.
There are exquisite emotional, sensual and simply human spaces to explore in this region of life.
I propose, as a student of human nature, that at this time in history we need this experience perhaps more than any other on the erotic menu. We need to be released from any and all of the misgivings, fear, shame and guilt that we may feel about our self-given erotic pleasure so that we can go deeply into any or all of our pleasure, and finally recognize our own erotic beauty . Sharing masturbation in my experience is the most direct way to do this. We can free ourselves of sex as a burden, as a carrier of heavy expectation, and of only being a space where we must lose ourselves in another person. We can actually be ourselves with other people, and become ourselves, too, right before them, and feeling their loving grace.
We live in a very uptight culture, which wraps so much fear around sexual feelings that we barely can feel one without the other. Pleasure, the natural kind, is considered suspect, and erotic energy is mainly viewed as a means of intertwining ourselves in the lives of other people, often as a kind of commodity or bargain-clincher. Meanwhile, we grow narrower and narrower, looking for the door within ourselves to a sense of freedom and curiosity that was once so natural, yet rarely finding it within our structured relationships. There are many fetters. We hold the key to most of them, if we dare to use it.
Women may be afraid to express their shameless sexual need fearing they'll be perceived (or worse) perceive themselves as whores, or because they have a lurking sense that they'll lose that precious self-control that keeps them 'good'. Yet at the same time the whore aspect of almost all woman is extremely strong in their psyches and begging for expression, and true acceptance. In masturbation, women can allow their fantasies to run wild and be the free people they would not dare to be when others are aware of them. In displaying their masturbation, and in the open sharing of their fantasies in free-association, it's finally possible to feel vindicated, cleansed and free---to feel released from something we did not know we were even trapped within.
There are other issues for men. One is that masturbation is commonly viewed as a substitute for sex, which means as a sign that one is not truly a man, if being a man means having a woman. But I think a deeper situation with male masturbation is how shallow it can feel compared to the experience of another person's presence, most often woman, there to resonate with us emotionally and facilitate the full expression of our pleasure. For a man to be seen masturbating is to expose the youngest inner attribute of his sexuality, which is often laced with embarrassment, conscious or unconscious. And the sudden shift of erotic energy that happens after ejaculation can be difficult, lonely or shameful to face alone, often not fulfilling.
We can get past all of this. None of it is necessary. We can learn to be free, whole and kind to ourselves, and best of all we can help one another get there.
Both men and women, as far as I can tell, need validation, approval, encouragement and a space to explore ourselves. We need permission to be in our pleasure and have that carry no additional burden or responsibility beyond simple respect and kindness. To do this for one another is a true act of love, selfless love and selflove. I know that many of us are seeking true expression of our passion, love and beauty, to be received by others and to feel others for who we are. And I know that we can get there, because we're on a mission of light.
Peace & passion,
In this discussion, I wish to attempt to show that masturbation, a much-maligned form of sexual behavior, should rather be regarded as a wholly legitimate form of expressing the sexual side of one's nature, while I am, of course, aware that what I am proposing is highly contentious and totally at variance with the teachings of the Catholic Church. However, I trust that a careful and objective reading of what I have to say will at least give grounds for thought.
I start with two dictionary definitions of masturbation. Chambers's 1959 edition of their Twentieth Century Dictionary defines masturbation as:
with 'masturbate' being defined as:
'to commit self-abuse.'
With regard to this definition it is worth noting that Onan's sin, as recorded in Genisis, was not, in fact, masturbation but 'coitus interruptus', a refusal to impregnate the woman concerned. The general negative tone of the definition is also worth noting.
The Reader's Digest Oxford Complete Wordfinder, © 1993, defines masturbation as:
'onanism, self-gratification, auto-eroticism, archaic self-abuse'
With 'masturbate' being defined as to:
'arouse oneself sexually or cause (another person) to be aroused by manual stimulation of the genitals'
Which is, at least, a neutral definition restricting itself to the facts of the matter.
Having defined masturbation, it is now necessary to consider it as one aspect of human life. While all humans are members of a single species, there can be no doubt that within the species there exists a wide range within the various attributes that make up a human being. For example, with regard to a human body the colour of the skin may vary from jet black to a very pale pink, almost white. Hair colour may vary similarly, while there is a vast range of the type of hair from the tight curls of a Negro to the flowing locks of a Swede. Height can vary so that one person is described as a pygmy and another as a giant. The shortest person for whom there is an authentic record was but 57 cm in height, whereas the tallest was a giant 2,72 metres.[i]
But this variation is not just limited to physical attributes, but is noteworthy also in regard to intelligence, temperament and so forth, so that one person may have a very low IQ while another is described as a genius; one will have a hair-trigger temper while another will almost be unable to be annoyed by anything.
This universal rule is also observable with regard to a person's sexual orientation. While it is true that the majority can be described as heterosexual, others have to be described as homosexual, bisexual, lesbians or solo-sexual. By 'solo-sexual' is meant those persons who feel no sexual attraction to another party, but nevertheless enjoy sex with their own bodies.
Also, with regard to sex, it is worth noting that within humanity there is a tremendous range of sex drives. While some people are so sexually active that they can only be described as satyrs, there are others who seem to have almost no natural sex drive. The case was reported of a man who, in his whole lifetime had but two erections. It is quite clear, therefore, that the greatest possible diversity is to be found in the whole range of attributes that go to make up a human being.
Since all were created by God, it follows that God can only expect us to behave in accordance with our individual nature. When a bishop acknowledges, as Bishop Teodoro Bacani, Auxiliary Bishop of Manila, did recently [ii], that some people are born with homosexual tendencies and yet goes on to say that for them to perform homosexual acts is sinful, it simply highlights the lack of common sense in the Church's attitude to human sexual behaviour. God, surely, is not going to condemn anybody for acting on a natural impulse.
In this connection Fr. Al Blonigan, chaplain for Metro-Detroit Retrouvaille writes:
Science more and more concludes that there is such a thing as a gene that causes the homosexual situation. There seems to be some evidence that some families carry that gene... There is no such thing as becoming a homosexual or choosing to be one.
It is important to realize that all homosexually orientated people are born into an environment where heterosexual relationships are presumed.
They grow up in a culture that is heterosexist; promoting heterosexual behaviour, and vilifying homosexual behaviour.
The Church even calls homosexuals 'ordered towards evil'. Vatican documents even justified discrimination against homosexual people as regards certain occupations which many homosexual people are gifted for.
Society wants to deny all homosexuals the right to be who they are and to use their gifts for the good of society. Both society and the Church are emotional terrorists for homosexual people...
Some 50% of all teen suicides are committed by homosexuals because of the homophobia encouraged by society and even most churches. [iii]
I can only add that what applies to homosexuals also applies, at least in general terms, to people who masturbate and that if society and the Church have a heavy burden of guilt with regard to homosexuals, then equally they have one with regard to masturbators.
Attitudes towards Masturbation
Let us now consider various attitudes towards masturbation. I start with the Church's teaching. The Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith issued a Declaration on Sexual Ethics, 'Persona Humana', on 29 December 1975. With regard to masturbation the Congregation states:
The traditional Catholic doctrine that masturbation constitutes a grave moral disorder is often called into doubt or expressly denied today. It is said that psychology and sociology show that it is a normal phenomenon of sexual development, especially among the young. It is stated that there is real and serious fault only in the measure that the subject deliberately indulges in solitary pleasure closed in on self ('ipsation'), because in this case the act would indeed be radically opposed to the loving communion between persons of different sex which some hold is what is principally sought in the use of the sexual faculty.
This opinion is contradictory to the teaching and pastoral practice of the Catholic Church. Whatever the force of certain arguments of a biological and philosophical nature, which have sometimes been used by theologians, in fact both the Magisterium of the Church-in the course of a constant tradition-and the moral sense of the faithful have declared without hesitation that masturbation is an intrinsically and seriously disordered act. The main reason is that, whatever the motive for acting this way, the deliberate use of the sexual faculty outside normal conjugal relations essentially contradicts the finality of the faculty. For it lacks the sexual relationship which realizes 'the full sense of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love.' All deliberate exercise of sexuality must be reserved to this regular relationship. Even if it cannot be proved that Scripture condemns this sin by name, the tradition of the Church rightly understood it to be condemned on the New Testament when the latter speaks of 'impurity', 'unchasteness' and other vices contrary to chastity and continence. [iv]
In an effort to explain this teaching in a meaningful manner to a teenager becoming sexually aware, Fr. J.H. McGoey writes: Your personal maturity, happiness and fulfilment depend on becoming a truly loving person ... Masturbation has little to offer the person so loving that his attention is predominantly outgoing to others. Everything that brings your attention back to self, takes your attention off those you love. Masturbation does exactly that.[v]
So deeply was St Thomas Aquinas opposed to masturbation that he taught that it was a greater sin than prostitution and severe punishments were prescribed for it. In fact he went even further and attacked it as being worse than intercourse with one's own mother.[vi]
However, today, in spite of the Declaration quoted above, Catholic leaders are much more understanding of masturbation. In a booklet produced in South Africa in which masturbation is discussed, the conclusion which is come to is as follows:
To be properly understood masturbation must be seen in the context of psycho-sexual development. During adolescence masturbation is often a way of coping with sexual drives and tensions, a form of experimentation, a symptom of a stage of adolescence. It becomes morally wrong whenvi it becomes psychologically harmful. The adolescent needs encouragement to develop more mature ways of coping with sexual drives, restrictions and tensions.[vii]
Masturbation was demonised for many years on totally spurious grounds, quite apart from religious teachings. In 1758 Samuel Tissot published a monograph on the side-effects of masturbation. His list included muddleheadedness, tuberculosis, rheumatism, headaches, pimples, blisters, itching, sterility, impotence, premature ejaculation, gonorrhea, priapism, bladder tumours, intestinal disorders, constipation, hemorrhoids, and more.[viii]
Unfortunately many doctors for many years taught that masturbation was detrimental to one's health. One of these was Dr. John Harvey Kellogg, co-founder of the Kellogg Company. In discussing ways to prevent children from wanting to masturbate he wrote:
A remedy which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision ... The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anaesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind ... In females, the author has found the application of pure carbolic acid to the clitoris an excellent means of allaying the abnormal excitement.[ix]
Catholic theologians were, of course, only too happy to accept such unproved medical opinions, which they put forward as proofs and additional legitimisation of their case and many pamphlets and treatises were written especially with young people in mind. Works of this sort have been available comparatively recently and readers of them could be persuaded that masturbation affects the spinal cord, softens the brain and is certain to make one sick. For example, it was not until 1940 that a respected textbook, Diseases of Infancy and Childhood, removed its discussion of masturbation from the chapter entitled 'Functional and Nervous Disorders'.[x] As late as 1967 Bernard Häring declared that masturbation damaged one's health.[xi]
Gradually people came to realise that the ideas propagated by people like Tissot and Kellogg had no basis in fact and that from a medical point of view masturbation was completely safe although these 'old wives tales' retained a measure of credence for many years especially among the young who heard them from parents and others; it was only gradually that the facts became generally known.
Even so even today many people still consider masturbation to be a selfish, immature activity or a second-rate substitute for sex with a partner. In human society the expression of sexuality has often been legislated against and restricted and the use of masturbation simply as a way to obtain pleasure has often been condemned as selfish and childish. Many people who would claim to be free from sexual taboos have simply changed the statement from: 'Sex is only good if it involves procreation,' to 'Sex is only good if it involves two loving people.'[xii]
This attitude to masturbation is well illustrated by what was written by 'Jeff' in describing some of his early masturbatory activities. He states: I started to masturbate when I was about thirteen years old and just barely pubescent. This was a time when people did not talk much about this subject and when they said anything at all it was usually something negative. To the very young mind, it seemed that masturbation was the special perversion of prison inmates and the incurably insane. So for a long time, I thought that I was about the only 'normal' kid in the world who invested so many hours of his life to the forbidden pleasure of self-love.[xiii]
A licensed sex therapist has written:
I have become aware that the word 'masturbation' is so tinged with horror that, even those of us who accept it as a legitimate activity, still act in ways that reflect those old taboos about self-satisfaction. In the therapy field we have moved away from using the word 'masturbation' and prefer to talk of 'pleasuring.' Bringing pleasure to the nerve endings is a recognition that the only thing we really own in this transient world is our own bodies. The body of a wife is not ours, nor is the body of a child. But our bodies are ours. Someone may bring up the scripture about our bodies being the temple of the Holy Spirit but that would not change the sense of freedom about self-pleasuring as an acceptable behavior.[xiv]
However, people are coming to realise that masturbation has a lot to commend it, especially in the context of the spread of HIV/AIDS in countries such as South Africa. In a publication designed to make teenagers in particular aware of the dangers of catching AIDS from unprotected sex and telling them how to behave in a promiscuous society, the authors write:
Me, myself and I
Masturbation is the perfect way to have a great sex life without getting heavy. Of course, you have to be a bit secretive to find some peace and quiet so that you can get down to exploring, and it can be embarrassing if you get caught. But it's good, honest, healthy fun for guys and girls. You can't get pregnant, infected with HIV/AIDS or pass around a sexually transmitted infection and you don't have to worry about a condom. Forget what they say-you will not get hair on your hands, go blind, waste sperm, or turn into a sex maniac. You may have some fun fantasies, learn all sorts of ways to make yourself feel good and know that you can wait confidently for the perfect moment when YOU feel ready to share this pleasure with someone else. Until then, go on and touch yourself.[xv]
Towards a new Christian/Religious view of Masturbation
The Christian view of life is largely based on Christ's declaration that the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is to love our neighbour as we love ourselves. Unfortunately these two great commandments have too often been summarized as love of God and neighbour, with the second part of the second great commandment being ignored almost as though we have no right to love ourselves. Did Jesus not know what He was saying? Obviously that is nonsense, so let us consider what the command to love ourselves implies.
If I truly love myself, this will express itself with regard to all the various aspects of my being: physical, mental, psychological and sexual. Loving myself physically will mean that I will do my best to follow a healthy lifestyle by taking regular and sufficient exercise, by eating sensibly, by avoiding over-indulgence in alcohol, by not smoking and by getting plenty of sleep.
Loving myself mentally will mean that I will try to be as well educated as I can be, that I will try to keep mentally alert, that I will try to read stimulating material, that I will take an intelligent interest in world affairs, that I will try to see both sides of debatable questions and so on.
If I love myself psychologically, this will surely mean that I have a good estimation of myself. In this connection Dr. Wendell W. Watters, a psychiatry professor writes:
Self-esteem refers to the value an individual assigns to himself or herself as a person. High self-esteem needs to be differentiated from narcissistic bliss, manic euphoria, and competitive triumph, which are all, in a sense, defensive reactions to low self-esteem. Nor should self-esteem be confused with self-indulgence or smugness. It simply refers to the degree to which one accepts and values oneself, warts and all. Although psychiatrists and psychologists are noted for disagreeing on just about everything, they do all agree that self-esteem, as understood here, is one cornerstone of sound mental health. People who are considered mentally sound generally have a high level of self-esteem, they feel reasonably competent and secure as people; they generally like themselves, and feel capable of being liked and loved by others. In addition, they are capable of manifesting genuine liking and loving for others. People with high self-esteem are able to be appropriately assertive in trying to have their needs met in a non-manipulative, non-destructive way. Conversely, the one feature common to all psychiatric patients and many chronically ill patients is low self-esteem.[xvi]
A priest-counsellor writes that a person needs a healthy self-love, which includes self-respect and goes on to say:
I need to love myself before I can love another. Our primary relationship is with ourselves.[xvii]
Another priest in a message he posted on the Internet had this to say: The sad preoccupation with masturbation came from Jansenism, a heresy which said the Human Body is inherently evil. ... As a Catholic Priest, I have sorrowed greatly at the unneces
sary neurosis our Catholic Church has fostered regarding masturbation.[xviii]
Finally, if I love myself sexually, I will want to demonstrate this, at least to myself, by appropriate behaviour with a partner or alone. This will always be a loving behaviour and will in no circumstances include anything that could in the least be considered as sexual abuse of another, especially a minor. Let us now consider briefly possible suitable sexual behaviour with a partner.
When two people come together for the purpose of having sex they should want to make it as pleasurable for each other as possible. Since God made our bodies it follows that He is fully aware that sex can be a most pleasurable activity and so would surely want us to participate in this enjoyment even when the main purpose of the sexual activity concerned is to enable a woman to conceive. But does this mean that it is only legitimate for a man and a woman to have sex is when a husband and wife want to conceive a baby? Surely not! Can two people, not necessarily of different sexes, who love each other and who wish to give each other pleasure, not do so by enjoying each other sexually as well as in many other ways? There are a vast number of ways in which two people can enjoy each other's bodies sexually and I certainly do not propose to discuss any of them here but one can briefly refer to mutual masturbation and penetration with the fingers as well as the normal forms of intercourse.
In this connection it is perhaps worth mentioning that one reason for the Church condemning masturbation was that the early Church Fathers, for the sake of guaranteeing the survival of the Church, wanted Christian mothers to have as many Christian babies as possible. Since masturbation required no partner and therefore could not possibly lead to procreation, special condemnation was reserved for it.[xix]
While sex with a partner outside marriage is much less frowned upon nowadays than it used to be, it remains true that masturbation is still very often looked down upon. Bismarck Masangu writes:
The idea of masturbation is, to most people, unpalatable, revolting, if not sinful. Even the perverted louts with whom I hang out view masturbation as the hobby of wankers and silly old men. My friends would rather have their penises fall off than be caught in the act of unpartnered sex.
... When I was young and lazy I engaged in this hobby. And, had it not been for a friend's warning-that it would make me bald, blind and mad - I might now have an endowment every bit as impressive as my right-hand bicep!
... Thankfully the tide is turning against antiquated ideas. Not so long ago the politics of sex sought to restrict sex to a baby-making activity within the ambit of that lamentable institution, marriage. Patriarchal norms said only men should express sexual gratification whereas women were assigned the responsibilities of passengers on a bus. Today sex is more openly the vehicle for a range of emotions and drives-love, affection, anger and power. So, why can unpartnered sex not legitimately be an expression of self-love?[xx]
To this I would add the point that no one can be with a partner the whole time, but that we are always with ourselves.
The importance of a high level of self-esteem was explained above, but, according to Watters, Christian teachings are 'uncompromisingly antithetical to the development of self-esteem According to Christian teachings, the self is to be abased, not esteemed.'[xxi] While I would not wish to deny that the practice of mortification has its place in the life of a Christian, it should certainly not lead to a Christian regarding himself with self-loathing; he should rather consider that masturbation is a natural act by which one can express one's love for oneself and so build one's self-esteem. Self-loathing, calling our natural sexual instincts vile and taking mortification to excess is anything but constructive and can only lead to one having a low self-esteem which, as pointed out above, is the one feature common to all psychiatric and many chronically ill patients.
The Church, as we have seen, condemns masturbation because it cannot possibly result in conception, which the Church regards as the only legitimate reason for a couple to have sex. At the same time the Church also condemns abortion as the murder of the innocent. Perhaps it is time for the Church to realise that masturbation is a marvellous form of birth control and the consequent prevention of unwanted pregnancies, which so often lead to abortions. The Church should rather encourage masturbation as an easy and practical means of avoiding pregnancy and hence avoiding having babies who live only to be killed in the womb.
An anonymous author asked what kind of damage it does to a child to tell him that the blissful pleasure his own body provides him with is evil and then goes on to quote Kinsey:
Millions of boys have lived in continual mental conflict over this problem. For that matter, many a boy still does. Many boys pass through a periodic succession of attempts to stop the habit, inevitable failures in those attempts, consequent periods of remorse, the making of new resolutions-and a new start on the whole cycle. It is difficult to imagine anything better calculated to do permanent damage to the personality of an individual.[xxii]
There is no doubt that sex can be a way of expressing various emotions, for example, love, affection, anger and power, so it can certainly be a way of expressing self-love, an emotion commanded by Jesus Himself. An ex-Catholic, who signed herself only as Deb, had this to say:
I was raised Catholic and attended weekly religion classes where the topic of masturbation was brought up every class and we (a co-ed class of about 25 fourteen-year-olds) were told that it's wrong, we shouldn't do it, and that it would keep us from having a normal sex life in marriage. I'm only 31 so this crap is still being taught. The thing was I had already been masturbating regularly. Being told that it was wrong only made me more curious about it because they weren't really saying WHY it was wrong and it didn't FEEL wrong.
What I want to say to any girl or grown woman who feels guilty about giving herself pleasure or about the thoughts she's having while she's doing it is YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT! You are doing something very natural and you aren't hurting anyone-especially not yourself. I'm a psychology major and I've learned FACT-based evidence that proves sexual stimulation (specifically self-discovery) is essential to well-being. I encourage every guilty-feeling female to read what psychologists have to say on the subject. Thousands of doctors can't be wrong! Also, this website shows how many women love this and how healthy and fulfilling it can be.
To the girls disturbed by lesbian thoughts though not gay-you're FINE! There was a time when I could only achieve orgasm by thinking about women when I gave myself pleasure. Just because you think it, doesn't mean you want it to happen in real life. That's the great thing about fantasies! You can explore any possibility. The most important advice I can give to the guilt-ridden is this: Does it make you feel good? If the answer is yes, how can that be wrong? No one should dictate what you do in private by yourself, with yourself. Relax and enjoy![xxiii]
Even the authors of many sex manuals do not seem to have considered this matter carefully. While they rightly consider masturbation as a useful tool in the building of a better sex life with one's partner, they give short shrift to the fact that masturbation is a pleasurable end in itself and therefore do not also recommend it on that basis. As one author put it:
Masturbation is our first sexual activity, a natural source of pleasure that's available to us throughout our lives, and a unique form of creative self-expression. Each time you masturbate, you're celebrating your sexuality and your innate capacity for pleasure, so give yourself a hand![xxiv]
While it might not be considered overtly Christian the following statement is certainly Christian in spirit. The author was at one time the United States Surgeon General and lost her position because of speaking positively about masturbation. She wrote:
In this so-called 'communications age,' it remains a sexual taboo of monumental proportions to discuss the safe and universal sexual practice of self-pleasure...
Yet to study masturbation would be to admit its role in our lives-one that many of us are not comfortable with. Instead, we discourage the practice in our children, dispensing cautionary tales that read like Steven King novellas...
Masturbation, practiced consciously or unconsciously, cultivates in us a humble elegance-an awareness that we are part of a larger natural system, the passions and rhythms of which live on in us. Sexuality is part of creation, part of our common inheritance, and it reminds us that we are neither inherently better nor worse than our sisters and brothers. Far from evil, masturbation may just render heavenly contentment in those who dare.[xxv]
David McKay, an Australian Minister of Religion-he refers in his article to discussing the subject with a 'fellow minister'-realized what masturbation was about when he wrote:
But one bastion of privacy and shame remains, and that is the subject of masturbation. ... Some men find it painful to admit to themselves that they indulge in wanking, much less acknowledge such a practice to their friends or even to their GP.
Paradoxically, masturbation is despised by religious prudes and liberated machos alike. Prudes see it as sinful, and machos see it as a sign of weakness. Yet both parties practise it.
[Masturbation] is the safety valve on the sexual pressure cooker. Masturbation stops us from exploding in unacceptable or inappropriate ways.
... Paedophilia, incest, rape, homosexuality, bestiality ... all these practices seem to be tolerated more by a church which refuses to speak the liberating truth about masturbation.
Masturbation is the universally legitimate way to satisfy your sexual appetite without indulging in something else which may not be legitimate. If there was more masturbation, there would be a lot less incest, fewer rapes, less infidelity in marriage, etc.
Instead of trying to stop people from masturbating, the church should be encouraging them to do so, thus leaving them free to choose (without the over-riding pressure of sperm build-up) not to do those things that God has forbidden. Much of this has relevance to females as well. Many marriages would be happier if wives weren't so riddled with feelings of guilt about their own need for sex.
... because the church has fostered the myth that people can, through sheer willpower, become asexual, it must take some responsibility for the sexual permissiveness, high incidence of divorce and remarriage, and the backlash against God that has resulted from this lie in today's world.
Anyone interested in a genuine revival of sexual morality and sincere faith within Australia should consider the possibility that the first step in that direction might be to enlighten the masses to their right (and perhaps even their responsibility) to masturbate.
At the same time, those who suffer from guilt because of the secular myth that real men don't wank need to stand up to that lie as well. The result will be a happier, healthier society.[xxvi]
What of the Religious?
I should now like to turn my attention specifically to thoughts about masturbation and membership of a Religious Order. It must, of course, be admitted that objectively a religious who masturbates is committing a sin. As we saw above (p.3), Thomas Aquinas was so opposed to it that he regarded it as a more serious sin than prostitution. But what of the Religious who cannot accept the Church's teaching on masturbation, but in all other respects remains a faithful member both of the Church and his/her Order or Congregation?
So many doubts have been raised about the reasonableness of the Church's teaching on masturbation, some of which I have tried to indicate above, that I feel it not unnatural for a thinking Christian to feel compelled to reject this teaching. In her book quoted above (p.4), Ranke-Heinemann discusses in depth the history of Christian teaching about sexuality.[xxvii]
A German, who was once a theologian, but who found the Church's teaching too much, had this to say:
The New Testament is the work of neurotic philistines, who regarded human sexuality not as a source of joy, but as a source of anxiety; not as a means of expressing love, but as a means of expressing sin. Often overtly, but sometimes in a more concealed manner, the New Testament writers outlawed everything to do with the body.[xxviii]
It seems to me that the only thing that a Religious can do is to follow his conscience. In other words, if he is fully convinced that masturbation is a normal and natural activity and that the Church's condemnation of it is unjustified, then he should feel free to go ahead and masturbate when he feels so inclined and the circumstances are favourable. He will, of course, always be careful not to give scandal. Obviously, he will also not consider it matter for confession.
One cannot see that there is anything more that can be done in the short to medium term by those Religious who are convinced that masturbation is both harmless and legitimate other than to put forward their views when a suitable opportunity offers. It is encouraging that, as masturbation becomes better understood in its clinical and psychological aspects, hostility to it on the part of many teachers of Christian Doctrine has become much less strident than it formerly was and there is a much greater understanding for people who practice masturbation. Even so, for masturbation to be no longer regarded as a sin, never mind to be an approved practice, would be such a major reversal of the Church's teaching that one cannot see such a thing happening for many years to come. See how long it took for the Church to reverse its condemnation of Galileo! One can only hope and pray that such a long-term revolution will eventually take place and that the Church will recognise that the commandment to love oneself can also be fulfilled sexually.
The conclusion I come to is that the Church's attitude towards masturbation takes no account of human nature. The very fact that the vast majority of people, both men and women, masturbate or have masturbated at one time or another in their lives, even though they think it is a practice highly disapproved of, should be enough to show that it is totally natural. Some married people may find their mutual sexual relationships sufficient but there are plenty of married people who either masturbate by themselves or indulge in mutual masturbation as a normal part of their sex lives. If this be the case with married people, how much more must it be the case with the unmarried who still need some way of giving expression to their sex drives.
When a man or woman becomes a Religious he or she does not suddenly lose his or her sex drive and continues to have the need to express him/herself sexually. Since masturbation has been frowned on even more by the Church than sexual relations with another and the person who masturbates is often regarded as somehow being selfish and immature, Religious who needed to express their sexuality often turned to those dependent on them such as children in boarding schools, altar boys and other such.
This, of course, has led to many sex scandals involving priests and Religious in recent years. The first 'clergy malpractice' lawsuit was brought by attorney Gloria Allred in 1984, which led eventually to the establishment of a $20,000 trust fund. In 1985 Father Gilbert Gauthe of Louisiana was sentenced to 20 years in prison for child molestation and the Church has paid at least $14 million to his victims.[xxix] Jeffrey Anderson, a Minnesota attorney, was aware of more than 300 civil claims against Catholic priests in 43 states of the US up to 1991 of which he had handled 80 himself, while Father Thomas Doyle, a canon lawyer, has estimated that in America about 3,000 Catholic priests are pedophiliac abusers of children, an average of 16 per diocese.[xxx] More priests and Religious have ended up in jail and the Church, particularly in America, has paid out large sums of money in compensation. Newsweek, in an article entitled 'Sins of the Fathers', reported that America's paedophile priests' child-sexual-abuse-settlements cost $1 billion between 1986 and 1996,[xxxi] while the Los Angeles Times reported a settlement by which the Jesuits agreed to pay $7,6 million to two mentally retarded men who claimed to have been sexually abused for 30 years in a Northern California retreat. Some 300 priests have been defrocked or had resigned by the end of August since the sex abuse scandal erupted in Boston towards the beginning of 2002.[xxxii] It was reported that the Boston archdiocese paid $10 million to 86 victims of ex-priest John Geohegan, who had been accused of abusing more than 130 children, and that the archdiocese had separately settled with some 50 other victims.[xxxiii] Nor was it only in the United States that the Church has paid out large sums of money in compensation to victims of clerical sexual abuse. In 2002 the Church in Ireland paid out about $1 million to some 3 000 victims who had been abused in 18 Church-run institutions.[xxxiv]
While some Religious and clerics who have been paedophiles would no doubt have acted the way they did no matter what attitudes to masturbation were, it is, I think fair to ask whether many would not have been content to express their sexuality by masturbation if masturbation had not been so negatively regarded, never mind if it had actually been approved. One would like to think that such men were basically decent men who normally would not think of harming children, but who allowed their sexual drives to get out of control and, because masturbation had such a bad name, did not think that it would be better to masturbate rather than to abuse a minor. If this is the case, then the Church's condemnation of masturbation can be held responsible for much suffering, particularly on the part of children, for much scandal, for priests and Religious being in prison, and for much monetary loss by the Church.
If what I have said, dear Reader, has made you think, then I shall feel well rewarded, even if nothing further comes of my labours.
[i] Guinness Book of Records, 2002, pp. 14-15
[ii] The Citizen, n.d.
[iii] Blonigan, Al, quoted in Family Matters, December 2001, the online newsletter of Marfam (Marriage and Family Ministry, diocese of Johannesburg) as quoted in Southern Cross, 31 July-6 August 2002.
[iv] Sacred Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith, 'Persona Humana', Declaration on Sexual Ethics, December 29, 1975. http://www.newadvent.org/docs/df75se.htm (2 May 2002)
[v] McGoey, J.H. Sex, Love and the Believing Boy, Fidelity House, Scarboro, Ontario, 1980, p.64
[vi] Ranke-Heinemann, Uta, Eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven: Women, Sexuality and the Catholic Church, New York, Doubleday, 1990, p.311.
[vii] 'Human Sexuality and Christian Morality', Diocesan Natural Family Planning Department of the Johannesburg Diocese, p.99
[viii] Litton, H., The Joy of Solo Sex, Factor Press, Mobile, AL, 1993, p.5
[ix] 'Flipping Off the Pleasure Police: A Personal Story About How Masturbation Gave My Life Back To Me.' ©1999. SoloTouch.com - Flipping Off the Pleasure Police (24 Feb. 2002)
[x] 'Masturbation for Good Health.' Masturbation & Sex For Good Health, published on the Internet by Liberated Christians. http://www.libchrist.com/sexed/masturbation.html (8 Nov. 2002)
[xi] Ranke-Heinemann, op.cit., pp. 311-312
[xii] 'The History of the Masturbation Taboo' The Pleasure Bashers. SoloTouch.com - The History of the Masturbation Taboo (2 May 2002)
[xiii] Jeff, 'The Attic' Solo and All Male J/O Stories. http://clubstroke.net (4 Aug. 1998)
[xiv] 'Masturbation for Good Health', Masturbation & Sex For Good Health, published on the Internet by Liberated Christians. http://www.libchrist.com/sexed/masturbation.html (8 Nov. 2002)
[xv] LoveLife, n.d., n.p., p.10
[xvi] Watters, Wendell W., Deadly Doctrine: Health, Illness and Christian God-Talk, Buffalo, NY, Prometheus Books (1992), pp. 51-52, quoted in 'Flipping off the Pleasure Police-A Personal Story About How Masturbation Gave My Life Back To Me', p.9. SoloTouch.com - Flipping Off the Pleasure Police (2 May 2002)
[xvii] Padovani, Martin H., Healing Wounded Emotions, Pauline Publications, Mumbai, 2001, pp.66-67.
[xviii] 'Masturbation for Good Health', Masturbation & Sex For Good Health, published on the Internet by Liberated Christians. http://www.libchrist.com/sexed/masturbation.html (8 Nov. 2002)
[xix] Watters, op. cit.
[xx] Masangu, Bismarck, Body Language in 'The Mail & Guardian', June 1-7, 2001
[xxi] Watters, op.cit.,p.51.
[xxii] Alfred C. Kinsey, Wardell B. Pomeroy, Clyde E. Martin, Sexual Behavior in the Human Male, W.B. Saunders, Philadelphia, 1948, quoted in 'The Results of Christian Objections to Masturbation'. http://www.postfun.com/pfp/masturbation/index.php?file=10 (20 Oct. 2002)
[xxiii] Deb. 'Relax & Enjoy It'. http://www.solotouch.com in SOLO-Fact & Fantasy About Sexual Self-Satisfaction/Browsers' Contributions/2002 (1 May 2002).
[xxiv] 'The History of the Masturbation Taboo' The Pleasure Bashers. SoloTouch.com - The History of the Masturbation Taboo (24 Feb. 2002).
[xxv] Elders, Jocelyn, 'The Dreaded 'M' Word', quoted in 'Masturbation for Good Health' Masturbation & Sex for Good Health. http://www.libchrist.com/sexed/masturbation.html (8 Nov. 2002)
[xxvi] McKay, David 'Wanking: The Last Taboo.' http://www.cust.idl.com.au/fold/teach/sex_marriage/Wanking.html (20 Oct. 2002)
[xxvii] Ranke-Heinemann, Uta Eunuchs for the Kingdom of Heaven: Women, Sexuality and the Catholic Church, New York, Doubleday, 1990
[xxviii] Kahl, Joachim. The Misery of Christianity. Middlesex, England: Penguin (1971), [Translation by N.D. Smith. Originally published in Germany as Das Elend des Christentums, 1968.] quoted in 'Flipping Off the Pleasure Police-A Personal Story About How Masturbation Gave My Life Back To Me' ©1999, p.5. SoloTouch.com - Flipping Off the Pleasure Police (24 Feb 2002).
[xxix] Gaylor, Annie Laurie, 'The Scandal of Pedophilia in the Church.' The Book Your Church Doesn't Want You to Read, 1993. http://ffrf.org/publications/freethought-today/item/18500-the-scandal-of-pedophilia-in-the-church(9/24/02)
[xxx] Gaylor, op.cit.
[xxxi] Newsweek, 4 March 2002
[xxxii] The Citizen, 7 September 2002.
[xxxiii] The Southern Cross, October 2-October 8, 2002.
[xxxiv] The Star, October 17, 2002
This is intended to relay to you guys a simple method of jacking off that is reliable for shooting "multiple" loads of cum within an extremely short time-frame.
I've always been skeptical of techniques, programs, equipment, etc. that are supposedly guaranteed to enhance sexual play. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THEM. It's a very straight-forward (no pun) way of jacking that does NOT require practice, extreme manipulation of your meat, and is not frustrating sexually (like edging can sometimes be).
I need to briefly thank a guy named Oliver for passing it on to me about half a year ago. Oliver---if you're listening, man---Ya handed me a gift. I've been enjoying it even since.
Oliver, btw, is a straight guy from Germany who was a member of the only other cum discussion group that I was ever involved with. He's one of the most dedicated "cum scientists" around. A brilliant mind whose logical study of the processes of ejaculation and orgasm are amazing to me. Enough said.
SOME DEFINITIONS so you'll know what I'm talking about:
When I use the term "cum session," I'm talking about a masturbation session that ends in one OR MORE set(s) of ejaculations and one OR MORE orgasms.
When I use the term "ejac/orgasm" I'm honing in on ONE and only one set. To clarify the difference between these terms... When we normally jack off, we work our meat to a trigger point and then usually have a series of ejaculations and simultaneous orgasm. That's a standard. But a "cum session" can have two or more of these complete "ejac/orgasms" back to back within the timeframe of a few minutes.
When I use the term "PC spasms" I'm talking about the involuntary muscular spasms deep within your cock that propels the cum out. Usually there are a few, up to a dozen PC spasms during an ejac/orgasm.
One final note before I describe the multiple method. I now use this way of cumming almost exclusively when I jack off. Once in a while I'll go back to the traditional "one-cum" way, but I've found multiples to be so fuckin fine, that I've rapidly switched camps. To date, I've only been able to manage two full ejac/orgasms in a session. I've tried for three but haven't reached that goal yet. Oliver explained to me that he can consistently hit three and sometimes four in a session. His all-time record was five. I'll be very interested in seeing what kind of results you guys get. PLEASE LET ME KNOW.
The first "ejac/orgasm" is achieved with minimal manipulation of your cock and nuts. It is done with slow and light manipulation. Your muscles need to be as relaxed as possible. And the primary requirement is that you release hold of your cock IMMEDIATELY when the PC spasms begin, and do NOT touch your cock until the spasms end and you have a belly wet with your first load.
IMMEDIATELY after you have shot that first load, grab your cock and begin jacking again... with normal hand-pressure, normal muscular tightening, and lots of vigor. You will feel the cumtrigger being reached within about ten or fifteen seconds. AND YOU WILL HAVE A SECOND FULL EJAC/ORGASM---perhaps twenty or thirty seconds after you had your first.
The level of orgasm will be as intense the second time as the first---perhaps even higher. The amount of cum that you shoot will be approximately the same the second time as the first.
Guys---you will have, at your disposal, twice the normal amount of your own jizz to play with, eat, whatever.
A detailed description:
As mentioned above, the first ejac/orgasm is achieved with light cock manipulation and relaxed muscles. Let me describe what I've found those to be for me...
When I work my cock for the first ejac/orgasm, I work slowly, with minimal finger pressure, with my own spit or precum as a lube and with slow strokes that approach a kind of cock tickling more than stroking as we think of it. Personally, I like to do the same kind of light manipulation/tickling of my shaved nuts at the same time with my other hand. A byproduct of this method for me is that I've discovered exactly how hot it can be for me to have my nuts worked this way---something that I rarely got into before.
It's a bit tough at first to learn to relax muscles for this first ejac/orgasm. My normal tendency is to tense up my gut muscles, leg muscles and to tighten up my breathing rhythm. All three are counterproductive to achieving the first ejac/orgasm. It just takes a bit of mental concentration as ya play to get to a relaxed state and to stay there. I envision the end-goal while I'm working my cock and nuts. I think about all the cum I am going to have when I'm done. I focus on the goal of a multiple, and that helps me both relax and aim for the final result... a river of fresh warm cum.
When I first tried this way of jacking, I assumed INCORRECTLY that the first ejac/orgasm would take a while to arrive. I thought that working my cock lightly would mean that it'd take forever to reach a cumtrigger point. It doesn't. It's actually quite quick for me. And what I've found is that I now have a slightly different image and focus when I think about jerking off. I don't think of it necessarily, as a vigorous act with lots of panting and real meatbeating. It doesn't have to be that at all. So, anyway, it doesn't have to take an extended amount of time to get to the trigger point of your first ejac/orgasm. Try it.
Again, make sure you completely release hold of your cock and do NOT stroke, once you have reached that first trigger point. If you work your cock at all once the PC spasms begin, you're probably nixing the chance of getting multiple ejacs/orgasms. I HAVE managed to do multiples with a rubber on my cock, however. So some kind of minimal contact with your cock as it's spasming is possible for me.
As mentioned above, you will have a full ejaculation and full orgasm that first time. And as soon as the spasming has ended and your cock has expelled a full load, start working it again. I'm not talking about five or ten seconds later... I'm talking about immediately after the shooting and spasms stop.
Again, allow yourself to really go at your meat the second time. You will feel the building of that second trigger point within a few seconds. I concentrate on the image of how beautiful it will be to see and feel a second flood of cum right into the mess of my first one. You have the added advantage of a ready supply of your own wet
cum as lube for the second jack. USE IT. I do.
You will feel that trigger and you will start cumming a second time within about fifteen second of the first ejac/orgasm ending. It will be a full orgasm and full ejac. I've found the second orgasm to be amazingly pleasant.
If you want to try for a third, these are the guidelines as explained by Oliver. Again, I've have not achieved three to date but am determined.
Waiting time between #2 and #3 should be minimal---a matter of second rather than minutes. Take just enough time to "prepare yourself mentally." Focus is extremely important at this point. Oliver described the technique as using your mind, as much as your hand, to get you up to that trigger again. Physical manipulation of your cock and nuts should be intense. Really go at it. Work it hard and fast, guys. Keep a high level of tension in your muscles for this one. I've been using a kind of panting breath control in my attempts.
Oliver described the third ejac/orgasm as producing a lot less sperm and having a MUCH STRONGER orgasm than any of the others. He described short-term loss of touch with reality... a kind of very quick out-of-body experience that is extremely pleasurable. I can't wait to get there, guys.
So there ya have it. Let me know how it goes for you.
Final note---he has said, and I agree... this method is meant for solo jacking, not for jacking with a partner. The control needed at all stages is a bit more than most "couples" can manage. I'd love you guys to prove that wrong.
Enjoy the journey. And wallow in your cum.
It's not "denial;" it's continuous orgasm!
A few years ago I was turned on (in a semi-masochistic way) by hearing about Tantra, the "Tao of Sex," the deliberate self-denial of ejaculation despite intense stimulation... these guys would have sex for hours, hard and aching, and never be allowed to cum, not for weeks on end. Crazy!
Then I tried it. The first few sessions of start/stop *really* hurt my balls, and left me unbelievably horny, but then three things changed. First, they didn't ache as much. Second, I discovered I *like* being horny, the more the merrier. And third, the start/stop turned into start/hold/continue... that yummy pre-ejaculation rush, which I at first thought was a red flag to STOP, became a sensation I could relax into, with ever-gentler strokes but no cessation of stimulation or sensation. Turns out that's the real orgasm: the FEELING of impending contraction, not the contractions themselves. And no need to contract the PC muscle, think un-sexy thoughts, or press anything to stop ejaculating... just relax into the sensation, and permit yourself to feel every ache and surge without rushing to "finish up."
And unlike contractions, that feeling can last continously, sustained for minutes on end, revivable in seconds if the attention flags. It really is a near-continous, mind-blowingly delicious orgasm.
So now I do it every night, sometimes for a full hour (hence "hourgasm"), and a few times a day if I have the time and energy. Don't even want to ejaculate any more, since the continuous orgasm feels even better, lasts longer, and leaves me ready for more in a couple hours. And leaves me feeling totally vibrant for hours. I'm a total addict, paid-up member of the "Astroglide-of-the-month Club," who enjoys an hour a day of full-body orgams but ejaculates only once every few weeks, usually by accident.
So I now longer think of it as "denial," but rather as the purest form of sexual self-indulgence. Try it!
Orgasm and ejaculation don't fall under the same description. By using simple techniques that we'll cover here, any man can experience orgasms without ejaculating.
Most men believe that ejaculation is the best part of sex, but there is something better---orgasms without any ejaculation at all. It is plausible to have many orgasms in a single session of lovemaking, none of which includes ejaculation. Furthermore, if you end lovemaking and still desire, in other words without ejaculating, you will super-boost your immune system and increase your physical energy, mental creativity, emotional resilience and spiritual quickening.
Remarkably, some men naturally enjoy an extremely rare but equally gratifying sexual practice known as male multiple orgasms. These men are able to ejaculate, and then maintain their erection.
They proceed to have intercourse and then ejaculate again. This second ejaculation may produce less semen or a lower sperm count than the first, but is usually deemed equally or even more pleasurable to the man. Some claim to have trained themselves to have multiple orgasms through techniques such as Tantric Sex. Tantric Sex employs breathing techniques, mantras and a system of mental rituals that supposedly gives a man the power to achieve multiple orgasms.
Any male who learns how to do this will achieve alpha male status, radiating a masculine charisma that is irresistible to women.
So how is it done?
The first starting point is to learn how to breathe properly. Most of us in the West breathe very shallow breaths. For relaxation, and effective flow of energy round the body, deep belly breathing is necessary. You expand you belly from the diaphragm, and it is the belly that rises as you breathe in, and falls as you breathe out, rather than the chest.
The prostate gland is an important focus of male sexuality and sexual response, and it is highly sensitive to stimulation. Its most obvious function, of course, is to produce seminal fluid, and especially nutrients for the sperm, but comparatively few men realize that is so sensitive to sexual stimulation. This stimulation can be delivered from the outside, via the perineum, the area lying between the anus and scrotum, or internally, with a well lubricated finger slipped inside the anus. The prostate can be felt as a walnut sized and shaped bump through the wall of the rectum, about an inch or two inside the anus. It is in fact possible to reach an orgasm by gently rubbing your prostate gland, which becomes increasingly responsive to sexual stimulation as your arousal increases.
The next important thing to do is to strengthen the PC- Pubococcygeus muscles. These muscles run all the way from the pubic bone to the coccyx, and form the basis of the strength of your sexual response and your ability to control orgasm and ejaculation.
They are best felt by stopping the flow of urine as you pee---or by contracting them when your penis is half erect. That very pleasurable expansion of the penis as it swells when you contract the muscles is a very effective way of identifying and learning the feel of the PC muscles. You can see how many contractions you can do in succession, or try and hold one contraction for as long as possible. The more the better, really, as far as the pleasure of orgasm is concerned, so it's hard to overdo these exercises!
You start in the usual way---you get sexually aroused. Then you get an erection, and pass through the normal phase of increasing sexual excitement to the point where your prostate, your PC muscles, and your anus begin to contract in preparation for ejaculation. However, instead of carrying on as normal until ejaculation, you stop the stimulation or decrease it momentarily---at least for long enough to gain control of your arousal and desire to come. But that is not the whole process, because although stopping stimulation can certainly prolong the time for which you are able to thrust in your partner before you ejaculate, this approach to male multiple orgasm requires something more. It requires that you draw the sexual energy up and away from your genitals, so that your level of arousal decreases, and your sexual energy charges your whole body. You then build it up again with more stimulation and repeat the process of increasing your arousal to the point just before orgasm. Again, instead of crashing over into ejaculation, you spread the energy around your body and repeat the process. Each time that you do so, the energy builds to a higher and higher peak, with pleasure pulsing through every fiber of your body. If you have a partner who is also multi-orgasmic, the sensation of reaching this level of pulsating energy with her can be mind-blowing.
You can also do a significant part of these exercises on your own, by learning how to experience sexual pleasure without orgasm during masturbation. This isn't about getting off in as short a time as possible because you are bored---it is about prolonging sexual pleasure and learning to circulate the energy around your body. If you can bring yourself to the point just before ejaculatory inevitability, and experience the muscle contractions that occur there without feeling obliged to give in and masturbate to orgasm, you are well on the road to multiple orgasms. You can masturbate with oil, in a slow and luxurious way, slowly stroking and playing with your penis glans and shaft in between caressing your arms, legs, belly and scrotum. This whole approach to masturbation will get you back in touch with your body and make it easier for the energy to flow away from your genitals when you wish it to spread around your body.
Once a man has learnt how he can separate the two processes, he can have orgasms repeatedly---like a woman having multiple orgasms---and experience the sensations throughout his whole body. This is because it is ejaculation which stops a man getting back to full sexual readiness; orgasms are pretty much in unlimited supply, but semen and ejaculatory energy are not!
Most men regard orgasm as something that happens in their genitals. But this is only because it is so tied in to ejaculation---a reflex response which happens at the root of the penis and the surrounding muscles. Move away from the genitals to the concept of orgasmic energy in the brain, and the picture becomes completely different.
It is also possible to achieve male multiple orgasm through drugs. Many men who began taking drugs for male orgasm disorders discovered that the drugs had a very happy side effect. Instead of simply curing premature ejaculations, these drugs induced multiple orgasms. These lucky men went from ejaculating too quickly, to ejaculating over and over.
Drugs that cause multiple orgasm use hormones to affect the body. Testosterone is the hormone in a man's body that makes him masculine and virile. Significantly raising the level of this hormone in the body can lead to increased sexual stamina, prowess, control, and induce to multiple orgasms. Of course, many men choose to enhance male orgasm with prescription drugs. The benefits are obvious. Some men who haven't sustained erections in years, due to illnesses such as prostate cancer, are once again pleasuring their wives and themselves with sexual intercourse.
However, these drugs have their downsides, too.
Prescription drugs can help men enhance male orgasm by providing them with an erection, but it will not necessarily improve the quality of their orgasm. Men looking to avoid premature ejaculations, or looking to experience male multiple orgasm may well be better off looking to 100% natural products.
The quest to enhance male orgasm is ages old. Rumors and tall-tales of male potency drugs as "Spanish Fly" have been with us for centuries.
If you've already tried expensive, synthetic drugs but are looking for something better, or if you simply prefer the power of 100% natural products, look for pills which harness the power of hormones.
We've already talked about testosterone, which is the hormone that makes a man virile and masculine. Human beings aren't the only animals who have testosterone. Nor they are the animals that produce the most testosterone! A few farsighted doctors have taken the phrase "he was an animal in bed!" and turned it into a reality, by supplementing their sexual enhancement drugs with animal extract. It's a safe, effective way to give a mere man the sexual stamina of a wild animal.
Many of the 100% natural pills and medicines designed to enhance male orgasm are safer, more effective, and much cheaper than their synthetic counterparts, prescription drugs.
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