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Special Friend-Goodbye Orgasm

Posted by: Age: 43 Posted on: 4 comments
8 likes 21 views Category: Masturbation Female Solo Tags: KGB, friend, loss, orgasm, cathardic, goodbye, special

Wrote this a few months back. From my heart. Story of my 2 orgasms while I let go of thoughts of what could be…This is not a goodbye to my friend, but a letting go of what I could imagine was possible with him.


 

You will join me in a journey of remembering some times with my special friend as well as have a peek into my philosophical mind, feel my vulnerabilities that come from opening up to something greater than myself, and giving my sexuality to someone I cared for. He may always have a special place in my heart. I still find myself thinking of him. He was the motivator to my putting to paper my erotic and non erotic thoughts. He gave me the fire to do so. Since then I’ve been developing my style and perspectives.



I do not rule out a possibility between us in the future should things circle back around for us, should we both available. He added to my life in a good way and I’m not sure he realizes just how much. Out of all the sexual experiences I have had, my times with him were some of the most fulfilling and intimate I have known. I was in awe of how open I could be in this way with a man at this level. Most of my sexual encounters have been on the casual side. This is something I had never experienced quite like this. Mutual Masturbation was a new thing to me.

When the timing is wrong, or the person you hold an affection for does not reciprocate your feelings, whether the reason is due to a situation, another person, or un-mutual feelings, it is hard to manage the emotion attached to it. It's not even that there were any promises made. It's that I have the ability to recognize the potential between myself and another. I felt something amazing could be between us. I missed him terribly…mostly though…I missed his friendship.

The window of opportunity passes when it chooses to do so and we can either accept it or let it go by…I truly believe God/Universe/whatever you want to call it, presents to us opportunities and if we let them go by without giving them a chance we are doing a disservice to the gift that was bestowed upon us, a disservice to ourselves as well as to the person with whom this gift was meant to be shared with.

So many times in life we worry about what we think we ‘should’ do and who we think we ‘should’ please, rather than follow something greater than ourselves. I have learned that it is not selfish to desire love and to seek that love. But this is a philosophy I can only hold myself accountable to. For what is life without meaningful connections between one another. Life can be hard enough on its own, why can we not embrace that which makes us feel pleasure and fulfillment. Ultimately, we must allow ourselves to be in a position to be able to accept such gifts when they present themselves.

My body and heart are aching. My soul and pussy feel lonely and horny. My soul is grieving…Loss….it’s a part of life. Whether the loss be a due to a death, the loss of a love, the loss of a friend, or the loss of hope. Change is ever present, it is inevitable. So when something or someone comes along in life that brings a feeling of hope and joy, I view it as a gift…I embrace the opportunity to feel that happiness. For whatever reason just knowing this special friend gave me a feeling of inspiration, joy, hope, comfort, and of course, arousal!

He was my client. Then he became my friend. As timing would have it one day he and I struck up a conversation outside of the professional realm. We had an opportunity to grow closer as his situation at that time was such that allowed for that. The “D” word was being tossed around at his house. He explained to me he felt unhappy for years but felt stuck in his marriage. Things had reached a point in his home where they took time apart. During this time we became closer, we joked, talked, and started to get to know each other in a fun light hearted way. It was beautiful. Our texts shot back an forth often and sometimes into the nights and started in the early mornings. He enjoyed my jokes and photographs of sunsets. We talked and joked at the gym and at my work when he came for cuts. Things soon grew into exploring in a playful world where we found a mutual sexual connection. A type I had never shared with anyone else before quite like this.

“Friend” is what he started calling me and we used to refer to each other as such…it was sort of cute, true, and we both knew it felt more than friends in a way. It was a wonderful time to have someone special to share things with. I had fantasized about doing things with him like go to a movie, a park, a show, hang at home, go the beach…and…also doing naughty things!

I have asked myself over and over, ‘how could someone affect me like this’? Must I be crazy?! Did I see something between us that maybe he did not see due to his situation? Or maybe he did see it, but ruled it out thinking it were not possible…He can be stubborn. I don't know. What I knew is I adored my friend and longed for time with him. But…it was not to be. At least not now.

So…my act of letting go…it was a purposeful and deliberate one that involved masturbation of which I video’d.

I was alone in my room. I allowed myself some wonderful fantasies of him. The one’s where it starts with a memory of something we shared….a time we played…a fantasy we spoke of playing out…or just his essence near me. I so badly wanted to share with him an experience with another woman as I had never done that before. I wanted to hold his penis and his heart in my hands. In past, when I masturbate to thoughts of him I have some of my best wet and delicious orgasms…I sometimes inject bits and pieces of him into some of my stories purposefully as that in some way makes me feel close to him again. I thought of how he loved my squirty “peach” which was our 'pet name' for my pussy. He loved the evolution of how my pussy went from a state of calm soft pink to an aroused state of deep purple, red, and deliciously wet.

As I began this cathartic masturbation session, I began to caress myself. I began softly touching my tummy. I love soft slow tickles. I softly touched my entire torso area for a few moments, making sure to include my breast and nipples that were already standing up begging for attention. I closed my eyes and thought of him. I began to shudder. My hands found their way to my pussy who was aching for a touch. I began playing inside myself and with my aroused clitoris.  I thought of how he would love the sound my pussy was making…the wetness inside me squishing and squashing. It was loud as I played inside myself. I giggled out loud as I enjoyed these thoughts. He always loved the sound…the smell of me…the way I was open with him. His presence in my life and his physical touch, broke a long awaited sexual encounter for me. For he was the first man in years to touch me in any way, in heart and in physical form. I wanted to hold him inside my womanhood and in my heart.

I remembered back when I first saw him, I felt a stir inside and again later when we met again feeling as if something circled us back into each others presence. I loved getting to know him more and telling him about my day and things that happened. Wanting to share with him my latest Netflix addition, old books I found in the shed, an article I found that I thought he would like, the sexy video I just saw, the new wine I tried, the beautiful sunrise I saw that morning, random thoughts, or show him one of my special landscape photos he always seemed to appreciate. I loved it when he shared his life with me also. I miss the times when he would come chat with me at the gym or at my work when he used to get cuts from me. I had looked forward to our exchanges. He told me of his desire to write more. I imagined us coauthoring a story together. How exciting and hot it would be to do something so erotic as to create a story with each other both writing it.

One memory I love to reminisce on is the first time we sat in my car and held hands for the first time and I witnessed his smile, slightly embarrassed but huge cross his handsome face. I was aroused that I could cause such a stir inside him. We were so shy and yet open. He said he hadn’t held hands in ages. I felt a sadness for him as I knew he needed my touch nearly as much as I needed his. I experienced a feeling of happiness that we could give each other this moment. We then presented naughty photos we had previously agreed to take the night before to show each other the next day. We giggled with giddiness as we shared our ‘debuts’. His photo was so very sexy. And to know he took it just for me made me feel aroused and special. I can still see it in my mind. His leg bent slightly and the other stretched out. His shaft was going upward toward his chest. I don’t think I’ve seen anything as sexy and erotic as his photo. I wanted him to kiss me then. It was a lovely time for me. It felt for me like we were youngsters again exploring our sexuality and our feelings for each other.  It was raw, organic, and beautiful.

As my self pleasuring session continued I pulled out what I famously referred to as “Our Pantie Party Mix” which was a pair of my thong underwear with my juices and his cum on them. It had been his idea one day for me to wear them all day tainting them with my smell and then for us to meet and play together. I made him cum on them as to mix our juices together. I loved how open he was with me. The smell of us on my panites made me so horny and turned me on so much, I wanted to cum so bad…

As I continued with my masturbation, my thoughts turned towards the growing reality of our relationship/friendship…and how it became broken due to his circumstances and ceased communication, wondering if technology failed or if he just did not know how to talk to me when he had thoughts…or if he didn’t care for me anymore. He seemed to have a hard time speaking to me. It began to become clear to me that he was moving away from me and in turn I away from him. The absence of his presence in my life saddened me.

The times we had spoke all day and sometimes through the night were over and replaced with silence or minimal replies. My inner intuitive self sensed he did not want it to be this way for us anymore than I did, or perhaps that was my wishful thinking. I concluded he was confused inside his own self, between his previous promises that he felt he needed to make good on and that which he found in me and that which he could imagine possible in his life. I found my vulnerabilities drove me to sad, fearful thoughts that perhaps he lost interest in me, or found another to fill his desires. I became delirious from these negative voices in my head. I soon learned why things were changing and I respected his choice to try again at home as he thought that was the right thing to do. I respected that.

As these thoughts swept through my mind I started feeling my orgasm build from my constant touching. Pretending it was him, remembering a time when he helped bring me to orgasm with his hands. His fingers had reached into the depths of my vagina. I can close my eyes and visualize him there between my legs. I can feel him still. I can feel his hand press against my inner thigh while the other played inside me. He had a pretty good idea as to what I like as he watched me do it to myself before. I loved having him experience this with me. He was my first in this type of mutual touching, as I was his.

I thought of the masturbation sleeve I had bought for him as a surprise, that I had wanted to use on him but never had the chance. I visualized us in my bed naked with him sitting in front of me. I can nearly feel the heat from his body as if he were here this moment. I can feel his back leaning into my breast as I reached around and slip the sleeve over his amazing cock, stroking him slowly while kissing the back of his neck. I imagined squeezing the sleeve as I manipulated his cock and tickle his balls. Forcing him to withstand my rhythm and making him beg me not to stop stroking…How I wanted to do this with him…How badly I wanted to feel his hot cum spill into my hands once more...

Upon these thoughts my orgasm was impending and imminent. It began with a shudder as a moan escaped through my lips. My fingers were fiddling with eagerness as I worked my clit and just inside the opening of my warm wet sad pussy…when I reached the moment of blissful orgasm it was incredibly strong and very wet. As I came the juices flowed from my pussy and through my fingers. As my juices left my body I imagined his sexual presence leaving me and empty from my soul in a metaphoric goodbye to this type of interaction with him. I came down from this orgasm and began again…this time watching myself.

I replayed my video I had took just moments before as I continued for my second orgasm. I worked my clit again faster and harder as I watched the video of my pussy gush and contract. My masturbation was almost angry and harsh as my clit recieved the brunt of my emotions. I could hear myself moan on the video and see the juices emerging from my panting pussy. My last orgasm was a grand finale of my sexual memories with him. Upon this orgasm I found myself in a state of unknown. For a moment I was suspended in time. It felt like the world took a pause in respect of my moment. Immediately after I orgasmed, I felt my eyes swell with tears. I shook with uncontrollable jolts as if electricity coursed through my body as my pussy contracted…It felt so very good to cum so hard yet I was rigid with angst. Tears escaped from my eyes, one after the other…This time the moans were not of pleasure but were soft cries and feelings of loss…



Sometimes, its harder to lose something we know is so very possible…only if…

I miss him…and in my heart, I suspect he may miss me too…However, how would I ever know...


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