Loving myself

Loving myself by Anonymous I am a 41 year old man who has masturbated since I was a boy, .I have always felt a strong sexuality about myself, and knew as I became of age, that I reallyjoyed my body. This, however, came with a price! I was raised in an Irish Catholic family, andwass taught all of those "bad" or "naughty" things about sex, and our bodies. Consequently, I have up until just a few years ago, felt guilty about the things I did to myself. I'mpleased to say that finally I have accepted myself for who I am and after some serious soulsearching have come to genuinly get in touch with my personal feelings. I have never shared any of this with anyone before, but I feel good in doing so. I can remember those days of discovery. Sitting in the bathroom by myself. Touching myself.Rubbing my penis and testicles. I love the fullness that touching myself brings.The first time I had an orgasm, I was drying off after a shower in our downstairs bath.I began to play with myself, and it felt so good. Feeling my penis enlarge in my hand and becomehard, and my tight sac gave me such a thrill. My face began to flush...I became scared about whatwas happening. I kept going, and finally, I convulsed into my first orgasm. I thought I was sick. Icouldn't control myself. I was overwhelmed by my feelings. Just then, a thick milky fluid eruptedfrom my penis. I caught it in my hand and spread it between my fingers and tasted it. I had no ideawhat it was. It wasn't until a few days later, when a friend and I were out playing in the woods,that Jack explained to me what had happened. Jack was a few years older of course and knew ofthese things. He told me about getting this strange feeling you get in your stomach and penis,when a guy did chin-ups. I, of course, didn't understand, until later that night, during my shower, Idecided to do some chin ups on the shower door. I lathered myself up with soap, and placed myhand acros to top edge of the door, and pulled myeself up along the glass. The soap allowed meto slide up and down the glass. It felt wonderful. After four or five chinups, I began to feel thatfullness in my penis and testicles, and if I held myself up, the feeling would last longer. So there Iwas, hanging on for dear life, suspended above the shower floor, spewing cum from my penis, allover the place. Wow! what a blast. I did so many chinups... and I also benifited by building myupper body muscles. It wasn't long after, that I discovered something else about myself. While masturbating one day Irubbed all around between my legs and I mistakenly touched my asshole. I was surprised at howpuckered it was and decided to do some exploration. I gently massaged some lotion around thesoft skin at the opening. When I felt comfortable, I gently pushed my finger inside my body. Ihave never felt anything quite so good. There was a little pain at first, but it was a kind ofpleasurable pain. After a few times, it went away, and I would just fuck my ass with my finger,and rub my penis until I exploded. Well, this of course opened a lot of opportunities for me. Istuck every thing up my ass. Pencils, pickles, cucumbers, shampoo bottles... it didn't matter. Iloved it !!! I found that I enjoyed the pain that came when my asshole was stretched. I still do. I often thought that, maybe I'm gay... but I've had an opportunity to consumate a gay relationship,but I found that I am not really attracted to men as much as I am attracted to my ownmasturbating techniques. I would probably enjoy being fucked, but it would have to be a verytender, gentle persuasion. I just don't think most men, gay or not, can be that sensitive. maybe I'mwrong. I did have one gay experience...It was with my younger brother. I was probably 12 or 13 and hewas probably 8 or 9. Our parents were gone somewhere, and we were left alone... this was at atime when it was OK to leave your kids to look after themselves. Anyway, I realized that he wasin the bathroom for a long time. I stood at the door and listened. I didn't hear any splashing so Iknew that he was not in the tub. I began to get aroused at the thought of him discovering himself,and thought that I would enjoy sharing that with him. I asked him what he was doing and he obviously got real nervous, and told me, "nothing".I told him that I knew what he was doing and that it was Ok and '"normal". Then I asked If Icould come in. He said it was Ok. I walked thru the door and saw him standing there. He was naked, and the site of his small tight, little, clean body, made my penis rock hard in myjeans. We kid of giggled with each other, as he was shy about being naked. I asked him if I couldtake off my clothes. You could almost hear the anticipation in his voice when he said yes. As Itook off my shirt I could feel every inch of my skin. Then I took off my pants and felt completelycomfortable in front of him. We were standing there looking at each other, both of us witherections. Mine was certainly larger than his. His penis was about 2 1/2 - 3" long and was stilladolescently narrow, about 3/4 -1" in diameter. Mine was of course fairly large compared to his. My mind was racing... I couldn't believe how exciting this was. I slowly walked over to him, andwe wrapped our arms around each other. When our bodies touched, it was electric. He waswarm, with incredibly soft skin. As I looked down at him, we gently pressed our lips together.Not hard, but soft, moist, and loving. We continued to kiss , and let our tounges slowly play witheach other. We both became very aroused. We rubbed our hips together and touched each otherserections. He whispered to me that he didn't know what we should do. I had him sit on a toweldraped over the edge of the tub. I got down on my knees in front of him, and gently kissed his lipsand neck, and stroked his shoulders; and assured him that it was Ok to experiment. After somegentle hugs, I looked at him, smiled and lowered my head to his lap. I ran my tounge along hislower stomach, and rubbed my hands on his thighs. He seemed to relax, and spread his legs andgently moved his pelvis forward. I placed the tip of my tounge on the underside of his penis, andfelt the folds of skin move with my tounge. Then I opened my mouth and covered his penis withmy lips. It felt so strange to have a penis in my mouth. It tasted clean, and I could feel his warmhard muscle under the soft skin. I pushed all of him into my mouth and gently sucked. I began to move my head up and downlubricating his penis with my saliva. His hands moved from the tub to my face. He gently held myhead as I sucked on him. I took my hand and gently rubbed his testicles. I wasn't sure how he wasfeeling, so I stopped, and looked up to ask him if it was still Ok. I could tell that he was enjoyingmy mouth because his eyes were closed and and he had a sort of dreamy look on his face. I wasthen that I decided that I wanted all of him. Totally. So I rolled on to my back and pulled him ontop of me. I spread my legs and he layed on top of me and started humping me. I asked him tostop for a second and reached for some body lotion and rubbed some on his penis. I spread mylegs as far as I could and held them up in the air. He wasn't sure what to do, so whispered to him to put his penis in my ass. He placed his handson my legs and rubbed his small penis around my opening. I guided him gently into me. Itwouldn't go in at first, and he tried again. This time I could feel my hole opening up to take him. Icould feel him slide into me. It felt so good it made me shudder with pleasure. Gently he moved inand out, and stroked my penis with his hands. He asked If I liked it, and in a earthy whisper I toldhim I did. It felt great. With every stroke of his penis he pushed deeper inside me. I wascompletely lost at this point. It wasn't long before I had an orgasm and came in his hands. He wassurprised by it and wasn't sure what had happened. He said he could almost feel his bodyresponding but then when I exploded, he just stopped. I just held him close to me and wisperedthat with time, he would understand. We stopped this loving embrace when we heard a noiseoutside. We gathered our things, hugged and promised never to tell anyone, ever. I know he kepthis promise, because we never talked about it again. Nor have I been with any other man, excepthim.