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Recognizing My Feelings

I was raised as a strict catholic and entered the convent when I was 21, right after college. Through college I had no interest in dating boys, but did find the company of my girl friends sexually arousing. I assumed that this was because I was destined to become a nun.

I discovered masturbation during college mostly by listening to my friends talk about their own sexual encounters. I had a roommate who often masturbated at night and listening to her was very arousing. I ultimately began to touch myself and bring myself to orgasms as I listened to her. I was always guilt-ridden when I succumbed to these nighttime temptations and struggled to stop.

When I entered the convent I assumed that my temptations would end and that I would easily be able to stop. Instead it became more difficult. There were several girls in the entering class who, obviously fell in love with each other and were having sex in their rooms at night. I used to strain to hear them and when I did I would inevitably masturbate myself.

Finally I confessed my problems to the sister who was in charge of training. She made me feel that it was I who was wrong for being so guilt ridden about sex, rather than the girls who were doing it. Her advice was to let it happen and that perhaps my urge for masturbating would subside. To pay attention to my own needs and stop listening and thinking about what the others were doing.

Her advice was good except that my masturbating increased and I had conflict about being a nun who was always so sexually charged. I was assigned to a hospital as a nurse when I ran into my old college roommate one day. We made a date for lunch and she told me that her short marriage had failed, so she was now single. Then she dropped the bombshell. She asked if I remembered masturbating together in our dorm room. I denied it and she laughed, saying that she was as loud as she was, hoping that I would talk to her about it, so that we could explore masturbating together.

I was flabbergasted, as she revealed that she had been attracted to me and in love with me for two years, but failed to act because I was going into the convent when I graduated.

We made an arrangement to have dinner the next week at her apartment and that was when it happened. After a meal and several glasses of wine we kissed and ultimately had sex. It was my first time.

We are still together.


Posted on: 2004-06-07 00:00:00 | Author: