Feeling Guilty

When showering while I was seven years old, I found out that rubbing myself the right way, gave me a good feeling in the spot between my legs. Although I'd never done this before, of course, I became addicted to it and every time I went to shower for the next week, I would do it for a little bit.

One day, my mother walked in the bathroom and she saw what I was doing. Without a word she went straight into her room with tears in her eyes and I got out of the shower. Before I could reach for the towel to dry myself off, she storms into the bathroom again and starts beating me with a belt. Every bit of my body ached with every whip and bruises could easily be seen. I didn't know what was so wrong about making myself feel good, especially not at the age of seven.

After that day, I never really explored again, I really respected my mother and wished to do the right thing. Years and years went by, I learned about masturbation in school, so eventually things fell into place. Suddenly, when I was seventeen (18 now), I remembered that awful afternoon and noticed that what I was doing now was probably the same thing I did back then when I was seven.

Some of you have parents, friends, and family members that accept this as a natural act and maybe some kind of way of life. Now that I think back on that day, I feel guilty, I don't know why, but I just do. Why when some of the people around you are so accepting, why didn't my mother sit me down and talk to me about this instead of giving me that harsh beating? I had to find out on my own after that incident, thinking back on it feels horrible.