My Jerking Off Odyssey

I admit I probably have issues with urgency and being stuck with the fantasies in my head, instead of slowing down and luxuriating in the sybaritic process of enjoying the sensations of pleasuring my cock. I get frantic if I don't ejaculate, though recently I can usually make that happen fairly expediently with a particular long, supple, bead like toy slid way up my ass, nudging my prostate. The deep intense shudders are astounding though I'm not sure if it's appropriate to call those orgasms, as they don't always culminate in an apex.

A couple of times I walked around for an hour or more with a plug up my ass, watching porn and reading porn and playing with myself until I ultimately came. I like eating my sperm and thanking God as a way of diminishing shame. I am trying to also heal my ED as guilt robbed me of joy back when boners were easy and common for me, though I unfortunately treated them as a nuisance rather than celebrating them.

I can feel the blood rushing down to my cock, but I'm not lately boning as much as I'd like to. I had a breakthrough in the recent past when I saw a beautiful guy naked in a play and instead of ignoring my horniness I jerked off in the men's room and loved that moment. I see a Tantric masseur named Floyd who gradually fondles my asshole, ball sac, taint, cock and actively stimulates my prostate. I continuously jerk my ass upward to bury his finger deeper up there. I grunt and growl and yelp until he brings me to intense, mind-blowing orgasms.

I welcome your insights, reflections and wisdom.